(Closed) What are your good wife tips, advice for other bees?

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 4
Member
4824 posts
Honey bee

Do you currently live together?

Really the biggest things are what you would want out of a loving husband

Open communicaiton.

Calmly share when something upsets you.

Be clear about expectations and dont play games- it will help prevent disagreements. Expectations about calling, cooking, cleaning, showing love, time with friends, baby plans, bill paying, savings plan, retirement plan. EVERYTHING! 

Remember to show your appreciation. Its easy to come to expect and take for granted after several years of living together. remember to say please and thank you. To ask, not to demand. These things are demonstrations of respect and go a long way in a lasting relationship.

Being a “good wife” is no different than being a “good husband”.  

Post # 5
Member
7777 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Just a note to keep it friendly, ladies! I know we had a similar topic come up a few months ago and it got really nasty with the people who were offended by the “good wife” thing. I wanted to make a comment before it all started.

Sometimes it’s better to go to bed angry. A cool-down period after a big fight can really help both parties clear their head.

Make sure you both make sure your expectations for how your home life will work are clear. This avoids a lot of confusions later on.

Post # 6
Member
1271 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

The best piece of advice that I ever received, that I always pass along is:  Do not talk about issues with your spouse with anyone other than your spouse (or therapist). 

It is amazing how a minor annoyance can become a huge deal, over the course of a bitch fest with a girlfriend/your mom/etc on the phone.  If something annoys you, discuss it with your husband.  If it isn’t a big enough deal to warrant a discussion with your husband, then it isn’t a big deal and you need to let it go.

Post # 7
Member
7173 posts
Busy Beekeeper

The thing that I’m learning (over and over and over again) is to be a wife who is grateful.

It’s REALLY easy to start nit picking things – like, if he cleans differently that you would – or folds laundry different than you do – or does annoying things, etc.

I guess that’s all to say  – it’s easy to start focusing on the negatives and not pay attention to the positives.

It’s also easy to compare and wish he was like x, y, and z – and take for granted the wonderful a, b, c that he IS.

I’m also realizing that I need to do nice little things I would do for him while we were dating (like take him treats, etc) because it makes him feel special and thought of.  🙂

The other thing that I think is so key (to a marriage) is communication.  It’s one thing to express something – but the other person needs to hear it (in order for it to really be communicating!).   

 

@Mrsgurzakovic:  also, I know what you mean because it really freaked me out too… but, my thought, post wedding was:  what the heck was I so worried about.  Marriage is sooo wonderful!

Post # 8
Member
1561 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

 @lefeymw:  Agree with everything you wrote, especially the part about showing appreciation.  Please and thank you, and consideration go a long way in a long term relationship.

Post # 11
Member
3374 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I think my biggest thing is to just stop nagging! Just get up and do the dishes after eatting and don’t complain, cook dinner if you’re the first one home, clean when you see something dirty etc. I mean those really aren’t things to nag about.

Because I do so much, my husband never says a word when he gets a weekend warrior chore list. He does all the items on the list and he helps out so much more once he sees how hard I work.

Post # 12
Member
3374 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

btw I once stayed with a newlywed couple for a week and at the end, the husband and wife thanked me for doing their dishes saying, “You can’t even imagine how many arguments you doing the dishes saved us from having.”

I honestly was sooooo dumbfounded and it’s stayed with me for a while. Newlyweds should be more grown up than that to fight over something so stupid. Heck take turns or trade chores, but fight over who does the dishes every night? noo way.

Post # 14
Member
219 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

communicate about money! tell him when you’ve spent something, and ask him to tell you. whoever takes care of the bills most needs to know. create a budget right away and figure out when each bill needs to be paid and how much. once you figure that out, you’ll know how much money you have for other things 🙂

Post # 15
Member
2103 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I think that the hard part for me, is putting my ego aside. I just have to recognize that sometimes I’M not perfect, so why should I expect the same from him. Sometimes I’m going to be wrong and he’s going to be right and my goal is to take a step back and recognize it sooner rather than later and admit when I’m a jerk.

 

Post # 16
Member
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I’m not a wife yet.. but for house chores, little and often cleaning is much better than mass cleaning.

Nerves are normal, I’m kind of freaking out myself and I have 9 months to go! But its all natural to feel anxious about change

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