Post # 1
so getting married in five months is.. Really friggin freaking me out. Im not really afraid of getting married–( Tieing the knot ) but rather freaked out by me not being a good wifey to my Future hubby. I guess Im just afraid that everyrhing I ever dreamed about for being a good wife would not happen – I dont know why. i worry about little things all the time.. I worry if I dont do something in the future and fret on the consquences lol. weird! anyway, Curious if you ladies can offer some of your great wife tips.
Just to set aside any confusion.. Im asking what are some valuable tips that helped you grow as a wife and helped you become responsible and a loving wife.
share your own personal tips or tips that were passed down to you. Im sure this would also be helpful to all bees!
Post # 4
Do you currently live together?
Really the biggest things are what you would want out of a loving husband
Calmly share when something upsets you.
Be clear about expectations and dont play games- it will help prevent disagreements. Expectations about calling, cooking, cleaning, showing love, time with friends, baby plans, bill paying, savings plan, retirement plan. EVERYTHING!
Remember to show your appreciation. Its easy to come to expect and take for granted after several years of living together. remember to say please and thank you. To ask, not to demand. These things are demonstrations of respect and go a long way in a lasting relationship.
Being a “good wife” is no different than being a “good husband”.
Post # 5
Just a note to keep it friendly, ladies! I know we had a similar topic come up a few months ago and it got really nasty with the people who were offended by the “good wife” thing. I wanted to make a comment before it all started.
Sometimes it’s better to go to bed angry. A cool-down period after a big fight can really help both parties clear their head.
Make sure you both make sure your expectations for how your home life will work are clear. This avoids a lot of confusions later on.
Post # 6
The best piece of advice that I ever received, that I always pass along is: Do not talk about issues with your spouse with anyone other than your spouse (or therapist).
It is amazing how a minor annoyance can become a huge deal, over the course of a bitch fest with a girlfriend/your mom/etc on the phone. If something annoys you, discuss it with your husband. If it isn’t a big enough deal to warrant a discussion with your husband, then it isn’t a big deal and you need to let it go.
Post # 7
The thing that I’m learning (over and over and over again) is to be a wife who is grateful.
It’s REALLY easy to start nit picking things – like, if he cleans differently that you would – or folds laundry different than you do – or does annoying things, etc.
I guess that’s all to say – it’s easy to start focusing on the negatives and not pay attention to the positives.
It’s also easy to compare and wish he was like x, y, and z – and take for granted the wonderful a, b, c that he IS.
I’m also realizing that I need to do nice little things I would do for him while we were dating (like take him treats, etc) because it makes him feel special and thought of. 🙂
The other thing that I think is so key (to a marriage) is communication. It’s one thing to express something – but the other person needs to hear it (in order for it to really be communicating!).
@Mrsgurzakovic: also, I know what you mean because it really freaked me out too… but, my thought, post wedding was: what the heck was I so worried about. Marriage is sooo wonderful!
Post # 8
@lefeymw: Agree with everything you wrote, especially the part about showing appreciation. Please and thank you, and consideration go a long way in a long term relationship.
Post # 9
Thank you everyone very much, I loved the advices ! Im going to also bookmark this thread so when Im married I can constnatly read it and remind myself.
@lefeymw: no, we dont live together– So getting married will be our first time to be under one roof with one another. im very much lookin forward for it but again, nervous.
@oracle: Awww, I hope to be saying the same too soon. I definetly have a lot of worries but i really hope to get over them soon. Ill be living with his family, and I dont mind it, I just hope that I start feeling comfortable and help around and feel like a wife not a guest… but the day will come and i pray to God that I can do it.
Post # 10
@zippylef: Oh and thank you for the warning!
Lets keep it friendly ladies! 🙂
Post # 11
I think my biggest thing is to just stop nagging! Just get up and do the dishes after eatting and don’t complain, cook dinner if you’re the first one home, clean when you see something dirty etc. I mean those really aren’t things to nag about.
Because I do so much, my husband never says a word when he gets a weekend warrior chore list. He does all the items on the list and he helps out so much more once he sees how hard I work.
Post # 12
btw I once stayed with a newlywed couple for a week and at the end, the husband and wife thanked me for doing their dishes saying, “You can’t even imagine how many arguments you doing the dishes saved us from having.”
I honestly was sooooo dumbfounded and it’s stayed with me for a while. Newlyweds should be more grown up than that to fight over something so stupid. Heck take turns or trade chores, but fight over who does the dishes every night? noo way.
Post # 13
@PinkMagnolia: Thank you! Honesty…doing dishes is .. suprisingly one of my favorite chores * gasp*.
Heres the thing, I personally do NOT expect my husband helping out at home– thats not me saying oh men houldnt help out and yada yada.. but its just I perfer doing it myself. He can pitch in, that would be great but I LOVE cleaning and taking care of a home.. who knows if ill feel the same way after we have children and I start working– maybe only then would I expect him to pitch in becuase working isnt easy and we have to help one another.. obviously. To me, I believe if hes so busy working outsidde the house then it only makes sense for me to help inside the house.
thank you so much for your input!
Post # 14
communicate about money! tell him when you’ve spent something, and ask him to tell you. whoever takes care of the bills most needs to know. create a budget right away and figure out when each bill needs to be paid and how much. once you figure that out, you’ll know how much money you have for other things 🙂
Post # 15
I think that the hard part for me, is putting my ego aside. I just have to recognize that sometimes I’M not perfect, so why should I expect the same from him. Sometimes I’m going to be wrong and he’s going to be right and my goal is to take a step back and recognize it sooner rather than later and admit when I’m a jerk.
Post # 16
I’m not a wife yet.. but for house chores, little and often cleaning is much better than mass cleaning.
Nerves are normal, I’m kind of freaking out myself and I have 9 months to go! But its all natural to feel anxious about change