(Closed) What are your marriage fears?

posted 5 years ago in Married Life
  • poll: Choose all that apply. I fear...
    Potentially growing apart/falling out of love. : (122 votes)
    23 %
    Becoming bored with SO, or becoming boring to SO. : (87 votes)
    17 %
    Losing my attraction to SO or becoming unattractive to SO. : (78 votes)
    15 %
    I may be settling and there is someone better for me. : (36 votes)
    7 %
    We'll get divorced bc we fight a lot or have bad fights (or both). : (34 votes)
    7 %
    Being cheated on by SO. : (41 votes)
    8 %
    I won't be faithful and will cheat on SO. : (19 votes)
    4 %
    Falling in love with someone else. : (27 votes)
    5 %
    Having kids will ruin things or change the relationship for the worse. : (77 votes)
    15 %
  • Post # 3
    4047 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: January 2014

    Change the poll so we can vote for more than one! 🙂

    Post # 4
    393 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    @IheartUFC:  I actually don’t have any. We are going in as a team and I am very optimistic for the future. I know things will go wrong, we will fight, we will be poor, we will have kids and the quiet times will be over, but I am ready for that. I am ready to share my future with someone who supports my dreams and loves me unconditionally. I’m not fearful of the unknown and that’s how I know I’ve found the one I’m supposed to marry. 

    Post # 6
    815 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    I don;t have emotional fears. I know I have found the right person for me.

    My fears are more of the financial sort. He got a lot of debt in his divorce and we are just crawling out of that. We want to purchase a home. I want to have enough money to trael with our family a lot. I really want to be able to financially support more than one child. I would like more than that if feasible. And so on and so forth. My biggest fears kind of revolve around that type of stuff.

    To a certain extent that is the stuff that you cannot always control. I would literally live in a cardboard box with my Fiance

    Post # 7
    9954 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    My greatest fear for our Marriage isn’t up there…

    Serious Illness / DEATH…

    Agree with @bowsergirl: if you want a Check All That Apply option to this Poll, then you need the other format (the one with the Squares to mark… not the Circles)

    EDIT TO ADD – Thanks for the change in format while I was Drafting My Reply… could you add my choice as well… please.


    Post # 9
    4047 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: January 2014

    I don’t have any fears that take over my life or anything, but there are some present. There is certainly the possibility that we’ll end up growing apart in time, whether it be in 5 years or 30. I’d hate for that to happen.

    I do also worry about kids and the times when we’ll be so swamped, and I know that can put a lot of strain on couples.

    I also have additional fears because I am moving to England from the US to be with him. I worry I will hate it there and somehow resent him and the move. I worry I will become depressed and lonely, and that I’ll never fit into the culture and way of life. All of that could really put stress on our relationship.

    However, I wouldn’t be marrying him if I didn’t feel we could weather all those storms and more.

    Post # 11
    1097 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    I most certainly have fears! But I think those are very healthy. I worry about people who DON’T have ANY fears, because to me that’s not having a realistic understanding of what a marriage will be.

    If it goes as planned, that will be 50 years or more with one person. You are bound to change, your partner is bound to change, events and experiences will happen to you that you cannot control. I fear about what is to come and how it will affect us. We decided to seek pre-marital therapy to help us cope with those changes as they come (becuase they inevitably will). This makes me feel more prepared and alleviates some of my fears. 

    Post # 12
    395 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: January 2015

    that ill die alone 🙁

    Post # 13
    9954 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    To @IheartUFC:  Thank you for changing the Poll format (and adding My Requested Answer)

    As an Older Couple (50s & 60s) Illness & Death are serious considerations for us.  I think we can weather just about everything else that comes our way cause we:

    • Dated a long time before we were married
    • Got to know each other really really well
    • Have similar Goals & Values in life etc

    But a serious illness could really mess things up…

    • It could cause us to grow apart
    • Or become bored / boring
    • Or fight

    All things we don’t do now.

    And of course the absolute worst would be death…

    But alas when you marry older you sort of know these things going in (more so than the other factors that can blind-side a “Younger Couple’s Marriage”)

    At our ages we know our Love is precious and definitive… it is just a matter of HOW LONG… the variable you cannot count on / figure out.  So you make the best of each day you have.  Therein lies the advantage (if there is one) over a Younger Couple who feel that life spans out before them endlessly


    Post # 15
    7311 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

    The only one on this list that really suited me/us was serious illness/injury/death. We both have pretty bad medical issues on our respective sides of the family. Between us we have serious mental illness, ALS, diabetes (type 1 and type 2), and MS in our immediate families. With that sort of medical background, the odds of us having to cope with a long-term, progressively debilitating, and ultimately fatal disease are pretty high. We are doing our best to financially prepare for the reality by saving enough to be able to hire in-home care when needed, but I don’t know that we can ever really emotionally prepare for that fate.

    Post # 16
    3204 posts
    Sugar bee

    I’d say mine ties in with the “boredom” one. I am afraid that he’ll say…”come to his senses” about me because I have no idea why he loves me in the first place….so since I don’t understand it I fear that someday he’ll have that “AHA, what the f did I marry her for?” moment. 

    I guess I just feel like even though I have a lot going for me on paper that I am a huge pain in the ass he’ll eventually tire of…if that makes sense. 

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