(Closed) What are your motivational tactics to get your man off his butt

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
305 posts
Helper bee

you will call it motivation. he will call it nagging.  ask yourself if you want to do this the rest of your life.  because if you marry him, this will be the rest of your life.

 

Post # 5
Member
305 posts
Helper bee

it sounds like this is who he is.  either accept it or don’t.  you can’t change or motivate a person to be anything other than what they are. 

 

Post # 6
Member
2539 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

My Fiance was ALOT like this when we moved in together…..it drove me nuts! So….i stopped nagging. I sat him down and TALKED TO HIM! I told him i couldnt do this any more….i cant live in filth and clutter. I loved him…i wanted alife…i appreciated how hard he worked and how much i loved him but he need to make an effort…for us.

He was so hurt and unaware of how i felt! You just need to communicate. We did one weekend of serious cleaning….and then we moved to our new apartment. Packing and moving was the best thing we could ever do because we got to throw away all the stuff that we didnt have a chance to do during our first big clean.

He still works around 50 hours a week (even with a new job) but the weekends we just to at least do one family thing…even if its just watching a movie with DS. I give him his space to sleep in and relax if he wants to but he is so awesome and having a life outside of working and sleeping.

Whats the point of working if youc ant even enjoy your money?

Post # 7
Member
288 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@ananeele: I have been going through this also.  My Fiance and I just moved in a month ago, and I have been nagging, which he does NOT respond to.  But it seems like he does not respond to nice talking either-it takes him forever.  I am going to try sex-LBVS. 

Post # 8
Member
305 posts
Helper bee

@nickie362: does sex work?  cause in my experience with men like this, and  i was married to a man like this for fifteen years (note i said married to one, not still married to one) , it doesn’t work.

 

stop rowing the boat by yourself. and see if you still get where you want to go.

Post # 9
Member
2261 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

being positive helps more than anything. 

when guys hear, “i’m sick of you doing this and that.” they shut down. 

BUT…

when they hear the same thing phrased a different way 

“I would LOVE it if you took initiative and put this away here….” or something like that. 

I used to be a nagger…. then I discovered how much it hurt Darling Husband and changed how I said things to be a positive person. 

He’s never reacted faster and with more care for me! Guys LIKE to hear how they can help and just how much help they can be. Ultimately, guys are fixers… lol I’ve never dated a guy who didn’t feel like a king just by making something better for me or fixing a problem. 😛 

Post # 10
Member
3798 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Your Fiance and mine sound very similar, @ananeele:. Mine works 10-12 hr days (most days it is 10) and we both had to do some adjusting.

For example, I know that since he works so much and only has Saturday and Sunday to relax, I dont want him to have to waste time doing things such as laundry, etc…so I do our laundry, clean, fix what I can during the week when I get home from work. That way we have the weekends together.

In the 3 years we have lived together, I have stopped nagging him about chores. However, when it comes to certain things, for example: like your bathroom floor, that I would get on him about. We have, unspokenly, fallen into a routine of me taking care of household things like cleaning, laundry, appointments for the dog, shopping, etc. He, on the weekends, takes care of things like ripped up flooring and painting.

When we first lived together I thought he would never get off his arse and help me with anything. The biggest thing I’ve found to motivate him? Doing it myself. For example, I’m pretty handy, and if our bathroom floor looked like that, I would go on youtube, look up how to fix it, go to a home improvement store and get what i need and get to work. Chances are, my Fiance will see me starting said project, freak out because it is supposed to be ‘his job’ and take it from me and do it. No nagging, no fighting, just him realizing, crap…if I don’t do it, she will, and she doesnt’ always know the best way to do things!

Hang in there. If you really love him, you can get past clutter and him being tired. Once his house starts looking nice and you get the both of you into a ‘home routine’ of cleaning, picking up, etc., sometimes that’s the motivation they need. I know that by me changing my FI’s environment, he appreciated me and saw that I wanted to create a nice life/home for us both…and that really has movtivated him more than anything else.

(sorry for the novel!)

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