What are your thoughts on destination weddings?

posted 3 months ago in The Lounge
Post # 16
12125 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

zl27 :  I meant to ask the same question.

OP, This sounds like a convalidation. As long as people are aware you are legally married, and it sounds like they are, there is no issue with it. You should, however, call it what it is. 

Post # 17
3282 posts
Sugar bee

I would double check as they may not look at a year’s difference the same as a few days. 

Also, have you talked to them about Pre Cana?

Post # 18
1988 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

socalgirl1689 :  by some people’s definition here, I had a destination wedding – which considering my hometown is not a destination many want to visit, is laughable. I’d moved away and we got married in my hometown because my family are still based there. My husband’s family are more spread out and they would have to travel regardless. So we picked the option that had the least travelling for most of the guests. Which sounds like what you’ve done.

I know someone who is getting married in a different location to where they and their families live. Their families live on opposite sides of the country, all their families are still in those two locations and not moved. They’re getting married in the middle, so everyone has to travel rather than just one side of the family. Again that would technically be a destination wedding but it’s just the most feasible location for both sides.

I would consider a destination wedding to be when anybody invited to the wedding does not live in that location but it’s a desirable location, usually the Caribbean or a tropical island. All the guests, including the bride and groom, need to find airfare, rooms and take several days of leave. As a guest it usually costs you several thousand instead of a couple of hundred.

My opinion on a destination wedding is you have to accept that people might not come. People can’t be expected to give up their leave and money for your day. This allows you to invite people out of obligation without offending anyone. But you have to be prepared that if they accept and you don’t want them there, you need to suck it up. I’d attend a destination wedding if it was in a location that I wanted to visit and could afford it, even if I wasn’t that close to the couple. You also need to realise that this is people’s holdiay, so you need to let them do their own thing.

Post # 23
2794 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

This is very common in Europe where the church and state are often separate. I know in both France and Hungary for example the legal wedding and church ceremonies are separate.

socalgirl1689 :  

Post # 25
40 posts

socalgirl1689 :  Which country are you having your Catholic wedding? I did mine in the Philippines. You need to really check for requirements because different parishes may have different regulations.

It was such a lengthy process in our case. We did the Pre-cana in Canada for about 4 months (can’t remember how long exactly) and then fertility awareness for 1 month. After that, we did a canonical interview with parish priest -priest asked my parents to come in for separate interview. Did a phone interview with SO’s parents since they live in NYC.

After all that, Vancouver Diocese sent papers to Philippines Diocese. When we got to the Philippines, we did another canonical interview with Diocese priest. He looked over our papers again. And said he has no reservations with us getting married in the church since we haven’t been married before – no records of divorce/annulment. So we thought that’s that, we’re all set.

THEN, a day before the wedding, our wedding coordinator informed us that we must fill in another set of papers and do yet ANOTHER canonical interview. This time with the parish priest. Apparently, he wants to meet us just to make sure as he was worried that my SO was not born a Catholic and has just recently converted a year ago (even though he did his RCIA in the US which has arguably stricter RCIA requirements)

Anyway, bottom line, depending on where your wedding is going to be. Check and recheck the requirements. You never know. 

Oh and we did the civil ceremony 4 months prior, did not make any difference for the 3 priests who did the canonical interview. 

Post # 26
951 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

My opinion is that anyone can get married wherever they want.  I’m also of the opinion that I am free to decline any invitation for any reason so if it didn’t work for me then I would just decline.  Where I start to have a problem with destination weddings is when the couple getting married suddenly seems to have insight into their guests lives/finances and gets upset about declines.  “I can’t believe my best friend RSVP’d no.  She has a good job and JUST took a vacation”  

Post # 27
6660 posts
Bee Keeper

socalgirl1689 :  You mean what really counts as a destination wedding is if my SO and I have our guests fly from Europe and Cali to Aruba for our wedding where no one lives?

That’s what I consider a destination wedding. I don’t consider traveling to either the bride or groom’s hometown a destination wedding even though it requires travel. 

That said, be prepared that people who are completely excited to travel to Italy right now may not be able to travel to Italy a year from now. 

Post # 28
543 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

I’m going to a wedding on a tropical island this year. I do consider it to be destination, even though the bride is from there (although she doesn’t live there anymore). But to be honest, the ‘definition’ doesn’t really matter. It is where it is and I wouldn’t feel differently about it because of the label.

I’m excited about it and combining it with a holiday. What makes the difference is that she doesn’t expect everyone to be able to go, and isn’t dictating how long we go for/what we do all week. We aren’t forced to stay anywhere in particular, so we can choose accommodation that suits our budget. It’s also not over a major holiday which would bump up costs.

Post # 29
44 posts
  • Wedding: June 2019

If you and everyone you know is wealthy- destination weddings are fun!

If not- friends don’t make friends fly out of the country for thier wedding.

Post # 30
189 posts
Blushing bee

I think couples can do whatever they like, as long as there is no pressure to attend the dw. I’ve seen a few threads like “they declined my wedding but just bought a designer purse!” or “…but just went to bermuda! How unfair” which is such a shitty attitude. I’ve had 2 friends muse about getting married in jamaica and I’d be totally on board with that! 

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