Post # 16
Destination brides can’t have it both ways. You can’t claim that a destination wedding is a fun excuse for your friends/family to use your destination wedding as their vacation and then get upset when they do that. Get engaged and proudly wear that ring.
Post # 17
- Wedding: June 2019 - Cortland, NY
After the wedding. Wait until after the wedding. My personal opinion is it’s fine but only if you do it AFTER the wedding. But after the wedding, do what you want – flaunt it! Post it all over social media.
I can make an exception if neither of you barely know anyone at the wedding (social groups won’t be like “um excuse you”), but that rarely happens with destination weddings anyway.
Post # 18
I personally would not want to get engaged during someone else’s destination wedding.
Post # 19
Absolutely get engaged and wear that ring! I don’t think it would be right to make a big show about it during the wedding events but I also don’t believe in putting your life and happiness on hold for other people. That being said, wearing the ring is fine and as long as the proposal doesn’t happen at the wedding events it is fine. What guests do on their own outside of the wedding festivities, is their own business.
Post # 20
2cents : My husband proposed to me while we were on vacation for a destination wedding, the couple getting married about it knew beforehand and didn’t care at all.
We also made a vacation out of it, and were by ourselves traveling in a different location than the wedding was when he proposed. We made a point to not really mention it when we got to the wedding location and saw everyone, people who knew about it of coursed asked but we really tried to not talk much about it.
At the reception the groom got on the mic and congratulated us on the engagement.
If possible, it would probably be ideal to wait till after the wedding, but in our case my husband wanted to propose in a specific location which we traveled to prior to the wedding.
Post # 21
- Wedding: March 2021 - Kauai, HI
I told my boyfriend not to propose to me at my cousins wedding. So he did it right before we left haha. We were not the only engagement news at the wedding. It wasn’t all we talked about and it definitely didn’t affect the bride and groom. The wedding was about 120 people. I think as long as you don’t make a production about it, you can do as you please! You also know this couple, are the the sort that might really take offense?
Post # 22
+1 for before or after, not during, and wear your ring! I cannot think of any friend in my inner circle (and we’ve all talked about it, strangely) who would have a problem with another friend getting engaged at their destination wedding prior to the wedding itself/having them wear their ring.
In fact, as an outsider of the situation: if I were a guest at a destination wedding and found out the bride or groom was upset that a friend of theirs got engaged a day or so before their wedding and wore the ring to their celebration, I’d seriously side-eye the bride and groom.
Post # 23
I would not do it and keep it a secret right before the wedding. Every couple deserves to be able to announce their engagement, not hide it. Even if you don’t announce, if a ring on your finger wil be news to the couple, and your mutual friends, then I vote no.
After everyone has gone their separate ways is fine. I would not announce while everyone is still together. Personally, I’d want it to be on our own trip, or on our own time, around or close to people we care about, not piggy backed onto someone else’s idea of my vacation. Then again, unless you are my sibling, I’m not attending your destination wedding.
Post # 24
I would just wait until after the wedding, that way there’s no hiding it.
Post # 26
Shoot – I wrote a long comment and it just disappeared.
Anyway – this happened to me! I was the bride and one of our groomsmen got engaged the week of our wedding on the trip. Basically, our wedding was in NYC (not a destination wedding) but one of our groomsmen lives in SF, so it was a trip for him. He and his Girlfriend decided to come out a week earlier to sight see and got engaged during the week.
To be honest, I am not friends with her, so i don’t really know how she handled it and I didn’t notice if she wore her ring. Groomsman told H the morning of the wedding in the grooms suite. The guys were updating each other on their lives (and they all spilled some news that my H later relayed – one is TTC, one is moving, etc.) and they were asking groomsman if he was planning to propose and he spilled the beans. H told me during the day at some point during pictures (he was telling me about his day) and I was like, “oh cool good for them!”. I wasn’t mad and neither was H. However, neither of us took a ton of time during our wedding making a big deal out of them – I didn’t say anything to groomsman when I saw him during our wedding day and then later at the after party I was like, “OH HEY you guys got engaged” and congratulated and hugged them.
TLDR: This happened at my wedding – not a big deal, but I also didn’t spend a ton of energy celebrating them (they’ll have their time for that!)
Post # 26
Oh, I wanted to add that I wouldn’t like if my H had done this. My now H proposed on a nice walk in a pretty park near our house and I much prefer our simple nice story over him proposing on a vacation we were taking for someone else’s wedding just for the sake of proposing on vacation.
Post # 27
I think it’s ok as long as it’s after the wedding itself. Personally, though, I don’t think I would be happy with this arrangement as I would want my engagement to be between myself and FH, not wrapped up in someone else’s wedding.
Post # 28
Thanks for all of your comments and perspectives, I really appreciate it.
We’re leaving the day after the wedding so not much time there. However, we’ll be there for a few days before the wedding and would NEVER consider proposing during someone else’s wedding events. A friend group of mine will be there so I know a lot of the guests. They all live in a different state than me and last time we saw some of them last month, we weren’t engaged. I just didn’t want it to be a topic of conversation among that friend group during the wedding.
I guess we’ll see. Proposal or not, I won’t be disappointed.
AnonBee2019 : thanks, your perspective as an experienced bride was really helpful!! 🙂
Post # 29
As long as you don’t do it at the ceremony or the welcome event, it’s just fine. And of course wear your ring. I can’t stand this nonsense where no one is allowed to live their life and must put their own events on hold because someone else is getting married or engaged.
Post # 30
- Wedding: September 2019 - City, State
I voted that it’s fine and you should wear the ring the entire time. Destination weddings are expensive, and the guests have the right to enjoy most of the trip any way they choose. They paid to be there.