(Closed) What are your thoughts on someone throwing their own baby shower?

posted 5 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 46
Member
12291 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

CurlyCue:  I don’t think you can compare  throwing a  birthday party for a child to a shower for a very unimpressed fetus. The purpose of a child’s birthday party is to give them pleasure  and to let them have the experience and practice of being a good host to their guests.

Post # 48
Member
1649 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2000

I have no problem with someone throwing their own baby shower (esp if it’s your first child).  Maybe this person doesn’t have close family or friends who would take the initiative.  At any rate, I’d gladly attend and bring a gift.  The baby deserves to be celebrated just like the folks who are lucky enough to have someone close host.

Post # 49
Member
1633 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

weddingmaven: the bday party purposes you listed are strictly your opinions and not shared by me. please explain your perceived purpose of a one year’s old bday party? Often parents share stories of how upset their little ones were due to over stimulation, so where was the pleasure? How does a 1 year old demonstrate being a good host? The person who hosts plans the party, sends the invites and pays for the party. How does a 5 yesr old demonstrate being a good host? Kids bday parties are thrown in their honor not hosted by them. When exactly do kids stop being unimpressed? At 1, 2, and 3 kids don’t get the concept of gifts- bday or Santa. At 4, 5, 6 + they have opinions of their own and can surely be unimpressed by gifts. Help me out- what’s the difference?  Gifts at showers and at bday parties are for the use of the baby/ child. If it weren’t for the baby/ child there would be no need for the gift.  If anything I think it’s shameful that people let others spend money on a party for their sole benefit. All that attention is lavished on the mommy to be, but the gifts stay put until baby’s arrival.

Post # 50
Member
12291 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

CurlyCue:  To me, a one year old birthday party is significant only to immediate family.  I’m no fan of the big extravaganzas thrown for very young children for all the reasons you mention. They say that developmentally, the number of guests should not exceed the age of the child.  We had immediate family parties with grandparents or regular playgroup parties when ours were toddlers. 

Five year olds learn to greet their guests, take turns, and say thank you for coming. Mine wrote thank you notes for presents and learned to be tactful even if they got something they already had or didn’t like. 

Showers are supposed to be low key and inexpensive events.  It’s certainly not shameful to voluntarily plan something nice for a close friend within a modest budget. I agree with you with respect to what these things have become in some circles and the ridiculous expectations that surround them. 

Post # 51
Member
139 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

I am a little taken aback by all the comments stating that throwing your own baby shower is “tacky”. In all honestly, I will feel a lot more uncomfortable if my close friends and/or family members spend all the money that go into a party planning on my baby shower. I would much rather foot the bill myself. I think it’s tacky allowing other people paying for everything for you and/or your baby. The way I see it, baby showers are to celebrate the life in you. And as someone else said, if I’m already a close friend/family member a present will follow, regardless of a shower or not. So, if you feel like throwing your own party, I’d say — go for it. Enjoy it and don’t care what everyone else says. I’m sure half the people, who claim their baby showers are thrown by someone else, are organizing it themselves. 🙂

Post # 52
Member
251 posts
Helper bee

I don’t think it is rude and I wouldn’t give it a second thought. As mentioned before, lots of couples host gender reveal parties (in which gifts are typically given), and I don’t know anyone who thinks that to be tacky. In fact, if real life, I don’t know anyone who thinks hosting your own shower is tacky either. Since my friends and family aren’t bothered by it, I would do it, if it were me (or rather if I were you). Those in this thread who are saying it is tacky aren’t part of my life so their opinions wouldn’t change my plans – so just gauge your crowd. Would they or wouldn’t they find it tacky? If they wouldn’t, it really doesn’t matter if a bunch of interpeeps think it is. Same goes for if they would. 

 

Post # 53
Member
1633 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

weddingmaven:  ok, you are coming from a view point that sounds a rigid. Ex: showers are supposed to be lowkey within a modest budget. Says who? My modest budget maybe $1,000 vs someone else’s $100. Budget and lowkey with guest count and decor etc is a matter of taste. 

Your point about first bdays, who says they are only supposed to be for immediate family. My husband is one of five siblings. That’s not a small party. And what about people who move away from family and their friend circle becomes their family. They can’t come now?

You taught your 5 year old manners to be gracious and kind, but she did not host her own party. Unless you tell me she saved up allowance, made the food and cake,  and created and addressed all of her own invitations too. Sending a thank you note does not mean she hosted. Moms-to-be send thank you notes for gifts when they don’t host their own showers, not the shower hostesses.

Post # 54
Member
1633 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

weddingmaven:  Nevermind. You are so correct your 5 year old totally hosted her own party, which means that parents-to-be can surely host their own showers. 

Post # 55
Member
6524 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

puplelishious:  super tacky and gift grabby. 

Post # 56
Member
243 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

puplelishious:  I’ve actually thought about throwing myself my own baby shower because if I dont then I wont have one. 

It’s a sad situation really….my mother, I love her to death, she’s my mom but both her and my step dad are bums, neither one of them work, they live off the government when they are perfectly capable of working, always getting electricity shut off, etc. so I know they can’t afford to throw me a shower.

My dad and step mom on the other hand, my step mom offered to throw me a baby shower but she told me who can and cannot come to her house and she has to approve of what people are to be invited. She’s already told me that she doesnt want my mother to come to it and certain friends….she made me feel as if she was making the shower to be about her instead of being about the baby. She hurt my feelings to be honest. 

My husbands father doesnt really have anything to do with me so him and his wife arent going to throw one for us and my mother in law lives in another state.

So I’m pretty much left on my own with this one lol…

Post # 57
Hostess
9686 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2014 - Chicago, IL

I’m going to have to disagree with most posters because I could care less about etiquette. I think that if no one offers to throw you a shower and it’s your first baby, I don’t see anything wrong with hosting one yourself. There are a lot of things you need for a new baby! I can see this being ok especially if you don’t have a lot of people in your area (friend or family). I can also see this being ok if you have a child already but there is a long gap in age between them, or if they are different genders.

Now, on the other hand, if this is like your 3rd or 4th child and you decide to throw yourself a shower, I would probably side-eye you, but I would still attend if you were a close friend or family member. 

Post # 58
Hostess
2633 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

puplelishious:  Honestly I know quite a few poeple who throw their own, it’s fine.

People may say it’s gift grabby, but then so is someone else throwing a shower with your knowledge. It’s all “gift grabby” unless it’s a complete surprise to and you.

Obviously a bit of a joke, lol.

I don’t think it’s gift grabby and no one important will judge you. 

Post # 59
Member
398 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

It wouldn’t bother me personally, but the “etiquette police” will come after you. Probably not worth it. 

As with any traditional etiquette rule, there’ll be people it won’t actually bother, but you have to weigh your options. If it’s something that only the snootiest 10% of your guests will mind, maybe it’s worth doing anyway. If it’s something that most people will mind, then maybe not.

Post # 60
Member
13702 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Yes, I think it’s rude to do throw your own baby shower.  I would absolutely side-eye it.  Obviously I’d never say something about it ot you, but I would consider it rude.

The topic ‘What are your thoughts on someone throwing their own baby shower?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors