Post # 61
I think you are missing my real point. Whether the invitation is issued nominally by the child or the parent doesn’t matter. You are correct that the parents are the real hosts , and yet gifts are customarily given. The point is simply that a child is different than an adult and different standards and expectations apply for them as compared to mature adults.
We make allowances for children because they are at an age where it is still OK for immediate family to throw a party where people come with presents, and because once they are old enough to understand, they will get some practice in how to behave. The hope is that once fully grown adults have learned these lessons they will have matured past the point of having to throw a self serving party in their own honor.
As for the one year old party specifically, these things are really more for the family than for the baby.They can become problematic when they are three ring circuses with a lot of focused attention and demands on the child to play with other kids,open presents etc. Otherwise,it’s really just like a family get together with cake. You’d only invite those who are really intimate to the family, whoever those people might be. Even a one year old can enjoy little presents.
Post # 62
Those gender reveal parties are awful also!!
Post # 63
Wow! Thanks for the responses, ladies. Honestly, in my circle of friends, I do not think people care much about etiquete. I would feel bad for having someone else spend any money on a party for my baby…specially if they are not family.
I get that some people think that it is self-serving to throw your unborn child a shower, hence my question. I have been to showers thrown by the parents of the kid and I did not get bothered by it. I just know that times are tough and I would have given them a gift anyway…
I love birthday parties so I never even think of who is throwing the party for the birthday person. I just think “yay, cake and I get to buy a gift!”. Now that I think about it, I think that in the past I have thrown myself my own birthday party! yikes…I did not even think anything of it! My friends enjoyed themselves and drank my wine so I do not think they thought anything of it either. I also had a housewarming party…I guess that could also be considered self-serving. Who knows how many more etiquete rules I have broken….LOL!
My husband is really excited about the baby and wants to throw a BBQ so I will let him do it but I will not mention registry information unless people ask. I think your suggestion of having my Mother-In-Law be the “host” may be a good idea…but I would pay for everything. 🙂
Post # 64
- Wedding: December 2014 - Catal Restaurant
Honestly, I threw my own baby shower. It wasnt all about gifts to me. I had family and friends who I hardly saw anymore with me being pregnant and working full time. I had games and lots of really get prizes and food. My family and friends understood and they all had a really great time. The shower was at my brother in laws house because he has a huge yard that over looks a valley and I thought it was more spacious and nice than being indoors somewhere. My fiance and I purchased all the food, prizes and decorations though. Baby and bridal showers I feel are too quick to be labled as gift giving parties. Just make sure your guests understand that you’re throwing the event because you want to share this happy moment with them and not just receive something. I find a way to word it on all invites that a persons presence is more valuable than a gift to me.
Post # 65
My sister threw her own, nobody said anything or had any problem with it.
She lived far away from family too, so everyone understood.
I’m surprised so many people on here have such an issue. I guess it depends on the type of crowd you usually associate yourself with. My family is by no means low-class or anything, but we also aren’t super posh. If people really have their panties in a twist over something as reasonable as you throwing yourself a baby shower since you didn’t want to bother anyone…. Then I would say they didn’t have to come. 😛
Do what you feel is right. Ladies on the bee can be pretty harsh, dont take it too seriously.
Post # 66
i think this is a great alternative. Like you’re just throwing a big party in celebration of this event. None of what you wrote in your post sounded greedy or grabby at all!
Your baby shower sounds awesome, way to go! 🙂
Post # 67
By definition showers are gift giving events. It’s the one occasion where a gift is considered obligatory since that is their whole purpose. So guests who are invited to a shower but told not to feel they have to bring gifts will be getting mixed messages. My guess is that many, if not most, would bring gifts. A gathering of friends and family without the expectation of gifts is fine, but wouldn’t be labeled as a shower.
Even “no gifts” is considered improper, because it implies you have an expectation of gifts. It’s mostly meaningless, because whatever you do or say, it is always the prerogative of the giver.
Post # 68
To those of you who think it’s gift grabby, what do you think a wedding is? LOL. 99% of couples “host” their own weddings and no one gives them the side eye. If you are providing a party with food, drinks and entertainment to celebrate a life event, and people want to bring you presents, so be it.
Tell you what tho, if you are throwing your own shower, for the love of god have someone “hostwrite” it for you (haha, get it, like “ghostwrite” and fake-host the shower) in case you happen to be inviting some of the uppity people in this thread, then they won’t talk about you behind your back!
Post # 69
Wowsers, there are a lot of hoity toity people on this thread. I do not think there is anything wrong with throwing your own shower. If you live far away from family and friends, what else can you do? You shouldn’t have to miss out on it. Honestly, Ive never thought twice about who hosted any shower that I’ve been to. This is 2014, who cares about what is written in an outdated etiquette book. You’re the mama to be, so do what makes you happy.
P.s. Congrats on your little one!