What are your thoughts on symbolic ceremonies?

posted 2 months ago in Ceremony
Post # 31
Member
7414 posts
Busy Beekeeper

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mimivac :  That’s an extreme and bizarre case and doesn’t really speak to the overwhelming majority of cases where this is an innocent thing that occurs for various legal reasons with no ill will or intention to decieve.

Is it? Because this isn’t the ONLY case of this. There was another post a few days ago from someone who had also been married for 2 years and hadn’t told people. It comes up pretty often (on here). That’s also why I said to do what you want, but not lie about it. If theres no intention to deceive, cool. If you are doing it in secret and hiding it from everyone and pretending to not be married, that’s different. 

Post # 32
Member
1288 posts
Bumble bee

What threads like this always drive home is how different the norms are in different regions/cultures/religions etc. In many areas/cultures/religions it is the norm to do the legal part in advance–it is expected. In the US, where I’m from, I know many people do the legal bit in advance for health insurance or other logistical reasons that are none of my goddamn business. 

At the end of the day…if someone invites me to their wedding, the literal last thing on my mind is “OMG BUT WAIT WHAT IF THEY ALREADY GOT LEGALLY MARRIED??” If it’s someone I care about, that’s enough for me, I’m going to show up on the day if I can, because I will feel honored that they want me to be a witness to it. If I find out after the fact that they had the legal part done a day, a week, or even many months prior…that fact is about as interesting to me as their shoe size. In other words I literally could not care less.

Post # 33
Member
1288 posts
Bumble bee

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mimivac :  They weren’t “fooling” us because the information was so irrelevant to us that it didn’t warrant a mention.

Exactly this.

Post # 34
Member
469 posts
Helper bee

To me, the legal part is what’s most important when it comes to marriage, so I get irritated when people act like the legal wedding isn’t real or is just an inconvenience that doesn’t matter. Other than that, I don’t really care what others do. I’ll attend or decline based on what works best for me at the time. We’re much less likely to attend destination ceremonies unless it’s in a place where we really want to vacation because we don’t have the budget or PTO to spend on a trip we wouldn’t want to plan for ourselves anyway.

Post # 35
Member
3471 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

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Twizbe :  thank you SO much for explaining banns. I’ve been curious about ever since I moved to this former British colony. Apparently it’s required in all houses of worship authorized to solemnize weddings. There’s even a sign outside the building saying “banns may be published here.” I’m not Church of England (or anything close), but I did notice that during the announcments portion of my worship service, the minister announced that “the following is a legal requirement” and then read the names of the bride and groom, the time/date/location of their wedding and some other details, and then quickly moved on to the next part of the service. Nobody seemed to think anything of it, but I was thoroughly confused like “okkk, did he just invite us all to somebody else’s wedding?” My husband is from here, but couldn’t explain it.  

Post # 36
Member
3471 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

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sharpshooter :  Same. I’m not too bothered about what other people choose to do, but I knew I definitely did NOT want a symbolic ceremony for myself. We had a destination wedding in the Caribbean. My wedding planner said something like “ok, so you guys will take care of the paperwork in the States and we’ll just find someone to do a reenactment ceremony here.” Like, nope. Get me a Barbadian marriage license, and a licensed Barbadian officiant and marry me…on my wedding day…in front of my guests thankyouverymuch. She acted like it was unheard of, but it was not the least bit complicated. All we needed was ID. 

Post # 37
Member
2118 posts
Buzzing bee

I attended a destination wedding this past summer where the couple had gotten legally married at home a few weeks prior.  Some guests were at both weddings but there were more guests at the destination wedding.  As a guest I didn’t really care in this situation but I do wonder if it was a little weird/less special for the couple at the destination wedding when they were already married.  

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