(Closed) What are your thoughts on telling people you are TTC?

posted 4 years ago in TTC
Post # 31
Member
2473 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Prettysmile40:  I told my besties but we didnt tell everyone in general OR our families. We had been “jokingly” hounded about when are the babies coming and it was just sooooo annoying even before we were TTC. One of the reasons I personally didnt want people to know was because once they know it would be a constant “are you pregnant yet are you pregnant yet are you pregnant yet?”…and I was concerned about not knowing how long it would take. A normal healthy women can easily take an avg of 6 months let alone if something went wrong, and I just didnt want the pittyful “awe dont worry Im sure it will happen soon”. 

I also didnt really feel comfortable having open discussions about our sex life lol, cause thats pretty much what your talking about when people ask “hows it all going with babymaking”, then picture myself saying…well ya know….we did it 27 times this week once standing on my head and once sideways pointing north so we’re real hopeful this month… lmao. Ya, just not anyones beezwax hahaha

I dont think not telling is being dishonest at all….Theres a diff between not disclosing a private matter thats between you and your Darling Husband. Its the same as someone asking you straight out “well how much money are you making now/how much debt do you have/how much do you have in savings?” = NOT appropriate

 

 

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 3 months ago by  shanbp.
Post # 32
Member
1130 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

Prettysmile40:  My Darling Husband and I do not plan on telling anyone we are TTC.  I wouldn’t even tell my own mother!  I don’t want to hear anyone say well maybe there is something wrong, if we can’t get pregnant right away.  Rather keep it to ourselves 

Post # 34
Member
229 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

It can be incredibly lonely keeping it a secret.  I told my closest friends and it was a huge burden off my shoulder knowing that when I was upset from yet another CD1, or stressing out during my TWW I had someone I could talk to other than my Darling Husband.  DH is a wonderful guy but, he’s not a woman – he doesn’t understand what my body goes through each month.  The ups and downs of hormones.  The ups and downs of excitement/anticipation.  The very real PAIN of cramps telling me that I failed again.  He doesn’t experience this – my girl friends have.

Maybe my opinion is different in that I’m well over a year into trying – but I can’t imagine all this time with only having my Darling Husband to talk to.  Now we are seeing a RE and those close friends I have told are fascinated by the whole process.  I don’t tell them where I am in particular in a cycle – but sharing what the process is for someone who needs help.  I believe that things happen in life for a reason.  Maybe the reason I’m having trouble is so I can help those close to me understand this side of the TTC process and help them develop empathy and knowledge that may help them with friends or family they know who are struggling.

So no, I wouldn’t shout it from the rooftops, but I CANNOT imagine only having people on the bee to confide in.  The women on these boards are wonderful and have offered me so much advice and support.  I have learned so much from simply reading the boards and specifically the 6+ and 1+ threads.  But I needed to have a couple people IRL that I could lean on too.  People who could see the look in my eyes and offer a hug.

Post # 35
Member
1955 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

We aren’t TTC for another 2 years at least, and even when we are, I think I’ll probably tell my closest friend and that will be it. No one needs to know.

Post # 36
Member
6540 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

I have to agree that TTC isn’t something to announce or to let others know. A pregnancy is something to announce, but announcing TTC is just odd.

However, I also agree with meadow_jersey that if a person is having difficulty TTC, then it might be easier to tell very close friends so they can empathize. I didn’t have trouble in that regard, so I was lucky, but I can see how frustrating and painful it would be to be struggling with that and have no one to talk to. IMO, that’s different from an average couple who has not yet actually been trying to announce it like anyone else should care.

Post # 37
Member
515 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

Hell. To. The. No.

I didn’t want people expecting us to be expecting. So many of our friends told us they were TTC and it got really awkward toward the 12-month mark and they had no news. We didn’t want any pressure, and we really wanted to surprise our friends and family when we finally did fall pregnant.

Post # 38
Member
786 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Our parents know we will soon, and when I am off probation from work.. But they, or no one actually knows I went off birth control at the end of May.. and we have been now trying.  A few close friends know we want to have a family soon but no time line or announcements.  So we have been keeping it quiet and saying “sometime soon” or “we’ll see what happens”.  I didn’t want to add pressure to it and they don’t really need to know until something happens.

We are getting lots of pressure too, from our families especially.. I told them recently it isn’t something that happens overnight anyways!  Can’t just randomly pop out a baby.  I know we are getting older but hey that’s how things went.  I am looking forward the pregnancy announcement anyways and how it will be a surprise. 

Post # 39
Member
6524 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

Prettysmile40:  we didnt tell people. Its really no ones business. Plus we didnt want to chance people asking everytime they saw us “so, are you pregnant yet?” That just adds additional stress.

Post # 40
Member
955 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

Trust me, don’t tell anyone. Everyone knows in our families/ friends and work circles unfortunately due to my losses and needing support and all my time off work.

My dh said today his female boss asked how our appointment was yesterday following my surgery And he said we were all done until we get pregnant again. Then she started screaming across the office how we will just be bonking ourselves silly for the next few months and that she knows what we will be doing in our spare time. Trust me you want to avoid that!

Post # 41
Member
543 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

My mum and two besties know we planned to go off bc after our wedding, but the reasoning was i wanted to get off the hormonal and use something else.

  I’ve been on it so long i dont know the difference any more. We will offically be not trying not preventing as of monday. My hubby wants to be all chill about it see what happens but im so excited i cant help researching and reading haha 

Post # 43
Member
101 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

We have to wait a month before we officially start trying but I have talked to my best friend when we were still on the fence – it was more of a philosophical discussion on whether to have children. I have also told my sister that we were thinking about it but we haven’t told anyone once we officially decided to try. 

We have a couple of close friends who recently told us they were starting fertility treatment. It was nice to know that they wanted to share that with us and to have the opportunity to offer support. We haven’t told them about us yet but we would probably talk to them about it if it doesn’t happen for a while for us as well. 

Post # 44
Member
514 posts
Busy bee

Not sure why you ever would, if people rudely asked I would say ‘soon’ which is true. I am very very close to my family (especially my mother, we are more like best friends) but I would never feel the need to tell her we were trying at the start. Although to be fair my whole family and all my friends know I am broody…and would assume we would start trying straight after the wedding (which is true)

 

Edit – I might change my mind after we had been trying for a while for support but that would be a more ‘We have been trying for ages and no luck, please give me a hug and buy me fast food’ I would never be like ‘we are going to start trying for a baby’ 

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 3 months ago by  1234qwerty94.

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