What are your views of flirting whilst in a relationship?

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 16
Member
940 posts
Busy bee

What matters is that you and your partner agree. Independent of that, there is no magical rule for what is appropriate or not.

Post # 17
Member
1519 posts
Bumble bee

Here the rule I go by. If I wouldn’t feel comfortable doing it Infront if my partner/ with him there, than don’t do it. If you aren’t comfortable doing whatever your doing Infront if your partner than it’s clearly inappropriate. 

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londongirl1988 :  

Post # 18
Member
37 posts
Newbee

I think some of it depends on the setting. If you’re in a job where you talk to customers ie- sales or restaurants, your friendliness can definitely come across as flirtatious. My SO has a very friendly and outgoing personality which I have seen women take as being flirty but I just see it as him. I do think touching is a hard no line for me. There is no reason for those sort of gestures to be occurring. 

Post # 19
Member
404 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

 

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hockeybee0104 :  Totally agree. I actually hate the term “flirty personality,” because it seems rare that people described in this way are actually intentionally flirting with everyone they meet. (And I didn’t realize that being engaging in a conversation was flirting; I thought that’s just basic socializing.) I prefer to say someone is “outgoing” or “charming” or “friendly,” to avoid such confusion.

As for me, flirting in my relationship is a hard no. We both try to avoid doing anything that we know would be disrespectful to each other and our relationship. 

Post # 20
Member
550 posts
Busy bee

My Fiancé and I are both playful people who love to joke around, and that can be taken as “flirty,” but flirt – hard NO to that. 

There’s a difference. Simply being friendly/ playful, There’s no intent and no interest. 

There is a way to be friendly and have a lot of fun, and also keep any romantic energy out of it. 

 

Post # 21
Member
315 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2029

When exclusive, flirting is NOT ok!  I see flirting as something for single people not someone who is exclusive, engaged or married.

Post # 22
Member
559 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

What are you defining “flirting” as? 

DH and I frequently engage with the opposite sex, we talk laugh joke and smile.  We compliment people on looks if it’s relevant.  We could probably be accused of flirting. 

To me, A PP worded it well when they said the line is whether you would be comfortable interacting like that in front of your partner. 

 

 

Post # 23
Member
4376 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I guess it depends.  Im someone who is very outgoing.  I make jokes, eye contact…sometimes ill touch your arm…but I do it with males and females,  and have no sexual interest.  It’s just my personality. But people definitely think I’m flirting. 

That said, I’ve been with my husband for 14 years and have never had interest whatsoever in anyone else (….I mean minus Bradley Cooper). Our rule has always been never do anything behind my back that you wouldn’t do in front of my face.

 

Post # 25
Member
6 posts
Newbee

It’s a no for me 

Post # 26
Member
823 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2020

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ladyjane123 :  I agree with the general rule of “If you would hide it from your partner, it’s inappropriate.” It’s a general boundary I’ve discussed with my SO in couples counselling, and I think it makes sense because it facilitates self-regulation and reflection rather than relying on a laundry list of specific “don’ts.”

You know your inner thoughts and intentions, so if you are engaging with someone for non-platonic or professional reasons, you know it, and that’s why you would feel guilty if your SO saw you doing it. 

Post # 27
Hostess
4758 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

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hockeybee0104 :  I agree with the person that said touching (hand on the back etc) is where the line is. I think people with flirty personalities get an unfair rap, oh so if you smile and are outgoing towards the opposite gender then you must be flirty? Isn’t that the same garbage thought process that leads men to think they were led on or she was asking for it? To me, unless there is excessive complimenting or touching then it’s not flirting, it’s just being a nice person. My husband is a very nice guy and super outgoing, if some poor woman musperceives that as flirting then that’s her problem because I guarantee he doesn’t have those motives. 

Literally everything you said!  My husband and I have both been labelled “flirty” personalities, but we are just friendly and sarcastic.  I have a hard line at touching as well.  I feel like it’s perfectly friendly to joke and laugh and connect with people, but if you’re doing that and being touchy, it’s a crossing our boundries.  I do think what is ok and what is disrespectful is completely up to the couple to negotiate.  I have married friends who won’t hang out with the opposite sex at all and others who are ok with grinding on and making out with strangers.  It’s their business.  

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Post # 28
Member
1299 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

My partner and I agree that if it’s something we wouldn’t do in front of each other, we shouldn’t be doing it at all.

Post # 29
Member
38 posts
Newbee

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overthemoon2018 :  Yes. This! Why be playful around total strangers, if you could direct that “playfulness” to your loving partner, instead? I just don’t see it as something a committed partner should do.

Post # 30
Member
1617 posts
Bumble bee

Friendly is fine..overly friendly 1 on/to  1 is a no. 

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