(Closed) What are your views on Vow Renewals?

posted 9 years ago in Vow Renewals
  • poll: Do you think Vow Renewals are necessary?

    Yes

    No

    Other - please explain :)

  • Post # 107
    Member
    1002 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    Not necessary, but very nice idea :o) Especially for a big anniversary.

    Post # 108
    Member
    1845 posts
    Buzzing bee

    Though I don’t think it’s necessary, having a vow renewal at 10 year (or similar) intervals, because you want to again pledge your love for one another, is sweet.

    If people want to have a vow renewal every year, go for it – whatever makes you happy. I think it becomes a problem when couples expect their friends and family to come to each one, every year, complain when they don’t and expect each guest to  give them a gift.

    I don’t plan on having vow renewals, but I want to have one on our 50th wedding anniversary, as it is a milestone that is not often reached.

    Post # 109
    Member
    6397 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2014

    I voted other. I dont think they’re necessary, but I do think they’re sweet. Sort of a way to say “yeah, its been so and so years, but we’re still as in love now as we were then.”

    Post # 110
    Member
    3 posts
    Wannabee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    I think vow renewals are just fine! 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 10th it doesn’t matter.  Why? Because if you have the money and want to reaffirm your wedding vows and throw a party for friends and family, I say DO IT!!  My DH and I are having a vow renewal near our 9th anniversary.  Can’t do it for our 10th because our oldest is turning 16…and yeah that’s a big party on its own!

    Our wedding day was great.  Had friends, family, big ivory dress and all that.  The hurricane off the coast tried to put a damper on it but thankfully it didn’t.   We went through a very rough patch where DH had actually filed for divorce.  We were able to work through our problems thankfully and we both feel like we should reaffirm the vows.  Plus, our 6 year old really wants to wear a dress Laughing  Even if we didn’t have our rough patch, I LOVE weddings.  If I could afford to through a big party for my friends and family every year, I would totally do it. 

    Post # 111
    Member
    1 posts
    Wannabee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    Hi, I need a LOT of help with this one and need to give detail. My husband is Italian while I am American. We spent 5 years between two countries until we married in the US almost two years ago. My daughters and I had more family there and in the US I could take his name while I found in Italy that I could not. At the time we planned on moving to Italy in the next year and have another ceremony for all his family there. Without too many details, my oldest daughter was not part of our first ceremony (she was part of the plans but changed in the last moments). The wedding was beautiful and I loved it. We have been in Italy with my daughters for almost a year now. My husband’s family has not really accepted my daughters nor myself and to this day has created many problems that are unimportant to this thread; only to know we will no longer be needing another ceremony. Now, however, my oldest daughter is very close to my husband and she becomes upset when we talk about the wedding with my younger daughter or even to see the pictures. On top of all this; this year has been a trial on my husband and I that I think many marriages could not withstand. We both have had to sacrifice, remind the other whom comes first in life and be strong through many moments of real conflict and not be brought into a whirlwind from others outside our marriage that could easily have destroyed a marriage with less communication. Adjusting to another country among animosity, trading independence for learning from scratch again and trying to learn a language just to buy groceries has been so difficult on us both actually. I am more proud to look at my husband now then ever before with a love that is much deeper then only a couple years ago as I see him now being the strong man whom has battled for us. We live under a castle and my daughter has mentioned repeatedly us having a renewal of vows with just our family (there is some hope maybe of seeing if his mother will still want to change a little and come too) there in the castle. At first I thought it not something to think about but I think it is becomming more important for my daughter. The more I think, the more it seems maybe now is a good time to just have a new vow to each other after so much has happened; we are here and staying. I am thinking maybe this could verify that no matter where we are or what we go through, we can always feel love first and be stronger for it. It sounds such a cliche but you can start with love that you already thought was strong enough to fight armies but it’s much harder when put to the test over the years after. What I need to know is any ideas about this; I don’t want another wedding but I would  like my daughters to be the main part of this. I want to add here that I have read all these and think maybe finding happiness in small ways in this world is so difficult; I advocate and back up wholeheartedly any way a person can keep their love and happiness. There is always a reason to celebrate that. Thanks for any feedback or ideas. The castle is Nerola Italy (Castille Orsini). We live in Scandriglia; sharing the same peak in the mountain.
    We found an officiant and here in Italy you can do anything for non religious ceremony; only have ideas about large weddings done there but none that are only for a few people. I read a lot of creative ideas on these bolgs and could use some help. Thanks

    Post # 112
    Member
    354 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2013

    I don’t think they are necessary,but they are a reason to get all dolled up!

    Post # 113
    Member
    3423 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I think it is only reasonable if it is your first wedding celebration.  Like if you had a quick civil marriage before for whatever reason and didn’t get the celebration you wanted then it makes sense.

    If a couple does it privitely, maybe with a few witnesses, it is also ok. 

    What I find super strange is when people pretty much have full blown wedding ceremonies and receptions for the 2nd time.  I think this was made popular by “reality” TV shows.  Weddings always score high ratings and if the people are already married they just have them do a vow renual.  I think it is stupid.

    Post # 114
    Member
    1001 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    @ChemistryBride:  Yep, the Heidi Klum and Seal thing is what springs to mind every time I think of vow renewals! They were so happy they renewed their vows every year…until they weren’t and now they’re slagging each other off in the media.

    I can definitely see the appeal for couples who have gone through tough times, been married for years, or whose wedding wasn’t what they wanted due to financial or family issues. I think Fiance and I would take a holiday to celebrate a milestone anniversary rather than doing a renewal.

    Post # 115
    Member
    560 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    If a couple eloped the first time and they want to renew their vows in front of family, I think that is a beautiful choice. I don’t agree with asking for gifts, having a bridal party or parents walking the wife down the aisle. I can understand wearing a bridal gown if the parents never saw the wife in one, but no veil. Bridal parties, being given away and veils are for brides. So are wedding gowns, but sometimes there are extenuating circumstances.

    Post # 116
    Member
    25 posts
    Newbee

    @TakeTwo:  If the whole wedding attire (both bridal dress and veil), being given away, and bridal parties are only for first-time brides, then why can there be an exception for the gown? As much I disagree with some of the illogical stipulations others have put on vow renewal attire (for example, actual wedding gowns are a no-no, but short, very plain white dresses are A-OK! Don’t EVER take attention away from a first-time bride! [/sarcasm]), at least their opinions have been pretty consistent all the way through. 😉

    I look at it like this. Are birthday parties really necessary? No. But is it really fair to tell a child whose birthday fell during the school week that they can’t celebrate their birthday over the weekend when they’re able to go out and do more with their friends? I don’t think so. Some people that just can’t afford anything but a very quick courthouse ceremony (and I do mean quick–i.e. sign here, sign here, and you’re done) really want to have the bigger wedding that they dreamed of whenever they’ve saved up enough money. Wedding celebrations that surround all of the legal and spiritual work in general are unnecessary as a whole, yet hardly anyone on here bats an eyelash at those who choose to incorporate most of the traditional aspects despite all the paranoia regarding the Wedding Industry Complex (which is something I still think is incredibly paranoid sounding! LOL sorry!)–so why should someone who was denied all the same stuff for their first wedding also be denied a vow renewal, or have one but have it be heavily regulated by their peers full of opinions on what’s okay at a vow renewal? It doesn’t make any sense. The same goes for people who have either hit a milestone anniversary or have suffered through hard times. Why should they have to settle for an anniversary party (which is NOT the same) instead of getting to do a vow renewal?

    The fact is, there are plenty of things in life that are unnecessary, but they’re fun and may have a purpose for someone out there, so why are some of you getting so worked up over it? The animosity that some of you have shown on this thread even toward people who have already had their vow renewals is astounding, and THAT is what’s unnecessary. It’s not affecting your life at all, so I don’t see why you’re trying to act like it is.

    Post # 117
    Member
    3148 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I put other. 

    We have having a massive over the top wedding which i really didnt want. 

    Down the road, i’d love to have a private vow renewal with just me and him.  It doesnt even have to be a real renewal, just a nice trip were we say our vows to each other again. Thats the kind of wedding i wanted in the first place. 

    Post # 118
    Member
    288 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I would only do it if it were super private. Including just the kids – no other invited guests. I don’t think it’s necessary, but I think it can be really sweet. It’s like officially saying you still love each other and the vows are holding true. I think its nice for milestone anniversaries. Not so much for 10 years, but maybe 25 or 50.

     

    Post # 119
    Member
    560 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    @SuperPrincessPeach:  

    As this is an OPEN FORUM, people are free to post their opinions, whether YOU agree with them or not!

    There can be an exception on the bridal gown because that is what I have chosen. Do I need your permission to do that?

    The irony is, you are being very judgemental, while you are reading the riot act to others for doing the same thing!

     

     

     

    Post # 120
    Member
    7414 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2014

    I don’t think they’re necessary but I love the idea.

    a good friend of mine just had her 5th wedding anniversary and she and her husband went to NYC and hired a photographer and they privately exchanged vows and had a photographer take pictures.  They plan to do the same thing every 5 years in a different city.  Just them.  She’s said they may do a party for a bigger milestone but for her it’s a personal thing – reaffirming why they love each other and the committments they made.  I love the idea and I might just steal it 🙂

    Post # 121
    Member
    612 posts
    Busy bee

    I don’t get the idea at all really.  The vows we made to each other are still strong, no matter how much we’ve changed.  And over the nearly 10 years we’ve been together, we’ve changed a LOT.

    I guess if you really want to, then go for it…heck, have your kids in it.  Why not.  I agree with others that asking for gifts or having a shower or somesuch is tacky though.  

    To each their own I suppose!  

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