(Closed) What can a bride ask you to alter for her wedding?

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: Would you ask a bridesmaid to tan?

    Yes, I am paying for pictures and everyone needs to be beach brown in the late fall.

    Yes, I would ask but not be mad if she refused, I just want my friend to help me celebrate my day.

    No, I want everyone to be comfortable and to look like themselves that day

    No, back out of that wedding now, she's going to be even crazier closer to the wedding date!!!

  • Post # 17
    Member
    1328 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    I literally can’t get a real tan (my skin goes from white to red), so that wouldn’t even be an option for me.  As for the spray tan I got one once and hated it.  It looked too orange, was streaky in some areas, and when it eventually started to exfoliate off it was a patchy mess.  From what I’ve seen spary tans have a better change of turning out bad than good, specifically if you don’t do them often and have little/no practice.

    Honestly I’d be offended if someone asked me to tan for their wedding.  I’m super pale and always have been, and it took me a long time to be okay with that (thus the terrible spray tan experiment years back).  So it would be really hurtful if a “friend” told me I needed to be tanner to look good in her photos.

    Post # 18
    Member
    1678 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    View original reply
    Orchid71:  i think that’s inappropriate for sure. i don’t know where some ladies get off thinking that is a reasonable request!

    i was in a wedding a few years ago and the MOB was chasing me around trying to put cover up make up on my tattoo on my back so it wouldn’t be seen in the wedding. the bride finally had to step in and tell her to back it up! i was also given a little hell by that bride because i colored my hair darker than my normal platinum blonde and she didn’t know about it lol…insanity.

    Post # 19
    Member
    564 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    View original reply
    Orchid71:  That’s right up there in rudeness with asking someone to lose weight for the wedding. I’d tell her an absolute no.

    FYI, the chemicals in spray tanning are not good for you, either.

    Post # 20
    Member
    799 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    I would INVITE my bms to spray tan with me picking up the tab (im not, but it seems reasonable). But no, i wouldnt requre my BM’s to do anything they couldnt wash off/take off at the end of the night

    Post # 21
    Member
    4521 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: April 2015

    I am asking that, in addition to the dress, they wear silvertone jewelry over gold. My girls are all so unique, and I’m fine witht hat shining through in pictures. Although, maybe I could ask them to put on a few so I’m not the fat little marshmallow in white 😉

    Post # 22
    Member
    3828 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    View original reply
    Orchid71:  i seriously dont understand the audacity some brides have. I asked nothing of my bridesmaids. I was called the “anti-bride” because i really didnt care about what they looked like as long as they were comfortable and happy with thier appearance. WTF people get your priorities straight. 

    6 months out from the wedding and NONE of it matters. 

    End rant. lol

    Post # 23
    Member
    2266 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2015

    A bride can ask you to alter nothing for the wedding. She may request you wear a certain dress, but even that has to be within a reasonable budget (determined by all of the bridal party) unless the bride is paying for the dress. 

    She may offer to pay for spray tanning or bed tanning, and you may politely decline that offer if you so choose. 

     

    Post # 24
    Member
    178 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Asking to change your skin tone is way out of line. I’m really pale and never tan, and I would be very hurt if I was asked to tan for somebody else’s wedding. There is nothing wrong with being pale.

    Post # 25
    Member
    9541 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013

    No. Hell no. I think that is a totally unreasonable request. I’ve never tanned in my life, I always wear sunscreen whenn I’m out in the sun and the only time I got a spray tan it looked awful. So yeah. I would flat out refuse.I wish people would worry more about their friends and family and less about pretty pictures. Jeez.

    Post # 26
    Member
    5152 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2014

    View original reply
    Orchid71:  You are absolutely not a bad friend. I would never ask my bridesmaids to do anything of that sort! I say stand your ground and refuse to do it if she insists. Then its up to her to decide if you are a bridesmaid ~ and honestly, if she decides you can’t be in the wedding party due to a tan…. she’s not a very good friend anyway! I’d rather have a pale bridesmaid than a bunch of girls looking orange from a tanning salon / spray tan anyway!

    Post # 27
    Member
    1427 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2010 - parent\'s backyard

    View original reply
    Orchid71:  I agree, asking for a tan is going too far. plus, spray tans don’t look good on everybody. are you wearing a short dress? if so, there are many types of body makeup that could give you a touch of color / or just to simply even out skin tone. most are waterproof / rubproof but will wash off in the shower. I used one for my wedding and it looked really great. 

    but if it’s simply that she wants your arms and face to be tan to match the other BMs, I’d be firm about saying no. she should want you to look like yourself for the wedding. 

    Post # 29
    Member
    201 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    Wow I cant believe she would even ask that.  Im with you, theres certain things you shouldnt have to do being part of a bridal party

    Post # 30
    Member
    1150 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    I would never tan for someone else, and I would never ask my bridesmaids to do that. 

    The spray tan, while a bit much, isn’t that big of a deal in my opinion. I mean, it fades in a few days or a week max. As long as you don’t have a laser appointment immediately after the wedding, it won’t make a difference.

    As for whether to back out of the wedding, well, that depends on how close you are with her. It probably won’t get better, so you’re going to have to weigh your relationship with her versus how much you’re willing to put up with. 

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