(Closed) What can a bride ask you to alter for her wedding?

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: Would you ask a bridesmaid to tan?

    Yes, I am paying for pictures and everyone needs to be beach brown in the late fall.

    Yes, I would ask but not be mad if she refused, I just want my friend to help me celebrate my day.

    No, I want everyone to be comfortable and to look like themselves that day

    No, back out of that wedding now, she's going to be even crazier closer to the wedding date!!!

  • Post # 61
    Member
    3281 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: January 2014

    My BFF is in a wedding and they were just all instructed to get spray tans too! Apparently this is the new (awful) trend. BFF said thanks but no thanks.

    Post # 62
    Member
    417 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    I asked my bridesmaids to buy a dress and wear shoes of a particular colour…. and to attend things like the shower and be on time for everything.  I was understanding if they couldn’t make the rehearsal (all can though).  I told them who I booked for hair and makeup and the costs involved, but told them not to feel obligated to do it all with me, it was totally up to them.  I was a little shocked when they asked me how I wanted them to wear their hair!  My response was, clean… other than that do what you want.  The only other thing I told them was not to wear bracelets or earrings the day of the wedding because that’s what I plan to give them as gifts.  I think things like that are reason able, but asking you to do something like tanning is ridiculous!  You’re friend asked you to be a part of her big day because you’re her friend and she loves you as you are, you shouldn’t have to change any of that!  Even with the choice of dresses I gave my bridesmaids options because I wanted them to feel as comfortable as possible . Just explain everything to her and if she still doesn’t understand then maybe you should bow out respectfully, she could be a bridezilla in the making.

    • This reply was modified 6 years, 4 months ago by  TKG83.
    Post # 63
    Member
    1263 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

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    @Orchid71  I don’t think you’re being a bad friend. She should want YOU there, not Malibu Barbie.

    A “hey if you guys can tan, I’d prefer it, but no biggie!” is ok, but like you said, deciding everyone has to be the same skin colour is almost creepy in my opinion. “Look at my clone bridesmaids! They are the perfect robot backdrop for my bridal beauty!” Yelch.

    Post # 64
    Member
    13384 posts
    Honey Beekeeper

    That is just sick in my opinion.  If she’s so upset about your unwillingness to expose yourself to harmful radiation or be dictated to to become  the skin color she prefers,  I’d tell her that I would be happy to step down.  

    Post # 66
    Member
    455 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2015

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    @Orchid71  bridesmaids are humans not props. I think it is one thing to float an idea (if the bride is willing to pay) but it should be dropped the first hint of resistance she gets back.  

    Post # 67
    Member
    45 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    Well, from your update she doesn’t sound like a friend you would want to go the extra mile for, but if you were so inclined I recommend MAC face and body foundation for your legs (and everywhere else I suppose). It’s much more reasonably priced than the Dior, and it doesn’t transfer to your clothes! Plus you can just rinse it off with makeup remover or soap at the end of the day.

    Post # 68
    Member
    7638 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

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    @Orchid71  My basic philosophy is the bride gets you for one day only, but for all of that day. So anything which alters your appearance for the day only (e.g. dress, hair styling, shoes, makeup) is fair game (unless it’s too revealing or very uncomfortable). Anything which means altering your appearance for more than the wedding day (e.g. weight, hair length, hair color and yes skin color) is off limits. Stand your ground.

    Post # 69
    Member
    1384 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    I think anything beyond asking your girls to buy shoes of a certain color and maybe jewelry you gifted them with and asking them to have their hair and make up done is too much. I knew a bride who put her girls on “diets”. Um, no. If you aren’t okay with tanning albeit tanning bed or spray tan, I don’t think you should have to do it. This goes against your lifestyle and you shouldn’t feel like a bad friend. 

    Post # 70
    Member
    7976 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

    This request is too ridiculous for words. Just say no.

    Post # 71
    Member
    95 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: September 2014 - lotusresidence.com

    Ridiculous request. I say just add some bronzer when you do your makeup and you’re done! 🙂

    Post # 72
    Member
    5187 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: February 2013

    View original reply
    @Orchid71  It’s a dumb request to ask you to go tanning. Having said that, how is getting spray tanned (a temporary darkening of the skin tone) any different than asking your bridal party to wear a dress they wouldn’t normally buy for themselves, having their hair styled in a way they wouldn’t normally choose for themselves, wearing makeup in a way they wouldn’t normally do themselves. Is it not all related to being a photo prop? 

    Post # 73
    Member
    1589 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    View original reply
    @Aquaria  yes and no. I personally think demanding anything besides the dress and shoe color is rude. Tanning is asking them to change their skin color! Plus it is reallly bad for you. 

    Post # 74
    Member
    354 posts
    Helper bee

     

    View original reply
    @Orchid71  I say drop out and let her get all pissy. Chances are, she’s gonna get worse down the road, and my dear, you sure don’t want to be in it 😉 

    Post # 75
    Member
    2479 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

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    @aussiemum1248  I think this is a great way to determine the reasonability of requests or otherwise.

    Because anything that can’t be brushed out, washed out, hung up in the wardrobe, put in the shoe cupboard or stowed away in the jewellery box at the end of the wedding day is a step beyond a reasonable request. Self-tanning products do not wash out overnight and instead, will take a few days to wear off.

    If a bride really wants her BMs to look tanned and can’t accept them looking natural then by all means pay for them to achieve that effect with make-up that can be removed after the wedding. Otherwise no. The idea is preposterous.

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