(Closed) What can a bride ask you to alter for her wedding?

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: Would you ask a bridesmaid to tan?
    Yes, I am paying for pictures and everyone needs to be beach brown in the late fall. : (3 votes)
    1 %
    Yes, I would ask but not be mad if she refused, I just want my friend to help me celebrate my day. : (14 votes)
    4 %
    No, I want everyone to be comfortable and to look like themselves that day : (279 votes)
    76 %
    No, back out of that wedding now, she's going to be even crazier closer to the wedding date!!! : (71 votes)
    19 %
  • Post # 91
    Member
    318 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    This bride is off her rocker. You should not HAVE to tan. 

    nessdawwg:  just wondering…Why would refusing to get your hair or makeup done be unacceptable either? While I have been a Bridesmaid or Best Man and gotten spray tanned and airbrushed with the rest of them (I’m easy going and will make it easy on the bride), my friends/brides didn’t force me. 

    Many people avoid chemicals that cause cancer. Spray tans and many kinds of makeup included. Many studies show DHA cancer causing in the long run, so many avoid it. For e.g. its a no-no while pregnant or nursing for a reason. While I will occasionally splurge and spray tan for an event or wear makeup I know will break me out the next day for importany pics, that’s my pro/con balance, not someone else’s. Is it really so bad if someone doesn’t want cancer or even simply a breakout/allergies to makeup/insensitivity from false lashes due to dry eyes or contacts, etc…? 

    Post # 92
    Member
    318 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    Orchid71:  I say tell her you got it done and just don’t. She can’t make you prove that the lowest level simply didnt take on your fair skin 😉

    Post # 93
    Member
    1066 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    MrsMaverick13:  I don’t think I’ve ever known for a Bridesmaid or Best Man to refuse to get hair/makeup/tan so I don’t actually know what a bride would do if they did, but I for one would be put out if my friends refused, if I was paying. I don’t know a single girl who doesn’t enjoy getting all dressed up though so perhaps I haven’t really thought it through.

    As far as cancer goes, I don’t think getting a spray tan once for a friends wedding will give you cancer, and if someone used that excuse for me but was a smoker/drinker/ate lots of processed foods etc,  I would be a bit irritated.  There are organic brands you can get which give you a really nice glow and are safe to use while pregnant.  You don’t have to use the traditional dark sort, but there are really light ones which wash off at the end of the day, or you could use a moisteriser with a bit of tan in it.  I don’t care if my bridesmaids aren’t “the same colour” but I would like them to look glowing and healthy on the day, and I do believe it is important for photographs.  

    I also have the most sensitive skin in the world, so I am very particular about what kind of brands of makeup I use.  If my girls didn’t want to wear false eyelashes or extremely heavy foundation or something I would be happy to compromise, but a flat refusal to wear anything would upset me.  

    I know my girls would have absolutely no problem with any of this though, in fact they will probably ask for heavier makeup than I want haha.

    Post # 94
    Member
    318 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    nessdawwg:  Haha! That’s true, Im personally a big fan of the pampering, so I always oblige and most of my friends would too.

    At my wedding, I paid for my girls hair and makeup and one did refuse! Haha. She just doesn’t like people doing that ish and she is an uber hippie who hates most makeup brands. I just didn’t mind at all (saved me $ anyway). Turns out she did her own makeup which looked great! She actually did change her mind on hair and ended up getting her hair done once she saw how great my hairdresser was. (I’ve been going to her for 10 years and she flew up to the wedding, she’s amazing.) 

    As far as the tan, I hear ya, there are alternatives. I think it’s nice to compromise and maybe someone could use a lotion or something. But to demand a spray is a little much. It isn’t just the body, it’s breathing it in that can be bad for you (It has been linked to genetic changes, not just cancer), so not letting someone use a topical lotion would be a little over the top IMO. 

    Post # 95
    Member
    351 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2015

    I think that it is never acceptable to ask someone to change a part of their body for a wedding. Tanning, even “fake” tanning is too much. I know that my body isn’t perfect, far from it, but I would wonder if my friend valued her pictures over her friends. If she replied to my “no,” to her request with “then you can’t be in my bridal party,” I would reconsider our friendship.  

    • This reply was modified 5 years, 8 months ago by  .
    Post # 96
    Member
    1066 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    MrsMaverick13:  I totally agree with you, I do think it is a little bit of compromise.  I wouldn’t mind if my girls wanted to do their own makeup, as long as they stuck to the theme of what I wanted (ie. if the other girls were having smoky eye and nude lip, don’t go red lip and naked eye) and I wouldn’t mind if they didn’t want to get a proper spray tan, but I would expect them if I bought them a bottle of that skin glow stuff, for them to use it so they didn’t look pasty compared to the other girls in photographs.  I have extremely pale skin myself, and think it can look beautiful, but with the colours my girls will be wearing, they will look much nicer with just a bit of a tan. 

    Post # 98
    Member
    351 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2015

    AnotherMrsBrown:  I am another natural redhead (auburn/ copper). I cannot naturally tan. I have two shades: pale and lobster. A fake tan would look like a fake tan.

    Post # 99
    Member
    1983 posts
    Buzzing bee

    unless she’s paying for it, shw has no reason to demand it!

    my best friend is in an upcoming wedding. The bride wants her BM’s to tan and to all have the same hair color. 

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