- 10 years ago
After following Mom’s recent post about stopping her daughter from making a bad decision, I realized I have a related, though somewhat opposite, question. A friend of mine, who was just married 8.1.08, and her husband are already planning on getting a divorce. The discussion between them has been going on for close to a month now, and though they have agreed to separate for a while before actively pursuing the divorce, she says neither of them have any real hope they will stay together.
I’m really concerned that they are making a rash decision to get divorced because they are dealing with a lot of difficult things right now. Immediately after they were married, they bought and moved into their first home. I know many newlyweds adjust to married life together in a new home, so that in itself, though a challenge, wasn’t too much to handle, and for the first month or so they were doing fine. They had the usual new-married-couple issues, but nothing serious. Then, in late September, they found out she was pregnant. They seriously considered terminating the pregnancy for a couple of days, but ultimately my friend decided she couldn’t do it, and after talking to her husband, he said he agreed and they kept the baby.
Fast-forward 6-7 months, and now my friend’s husband says he resents her for wanting to buy the house, he resents her for wanting to keep the baby, and pretty much hates his life. He told her he feels like this isn’t what he signed on for. She, for her part, was really gung-ho about working things out, but since the issues haven’t resolved themselves quickly, she wants to give up now too.
Everyone, her family and friends, have said they think this is all a symptom of the challenges they are facing in such a short period of time, but my friend won’t listen. I have so far bitten my tongue and not told her how bad a decision I think she is making, but I really just want to scream "DON’T DO IT!!" I really think things will get better and I want them to give it more of a chance. They were together (and living together) for four years before they got engaged. It hasn’t been a year even since the wedding, and I think they’ve had more to deal with in these few months than many couples go through in their first three years.
So what should I do hive? Is there anything I can do? Should I just keep my mouth shut? It’s just so painful to watch her go through this.
p.s. If this sounds familiar it’s because I left it as a response to Mrs. Bee’s recent post. I realized since then that I need some advice.