Post # 1
Sometimes the people around us will tease us about not being engaged yet. “Is that a wedding ring I see?” or “When are you two getting married?” seems to be a common one. In my case…
About 1 1/2 years into my relationship, I was at an event with my boyfriend and one of our mutual friends – a man about 20 years our senior. The friend noticed a ring I was wearing and started staring at it. He kept making allusions to ‘things people wear on their hands…’ then making obvious gestures to me behind my boyfriend’s back. I quickly shook my head, removed the ring, stuck it into a pocket, and it was the end of the under-the-radar discussion. My boyfriend never knew that my friend was trying to find out if the ring I was wearing was an engagement ring.
My mom’s gotten very vocal about engagements. If I’m wearing a ring at all, she’ll ask things like, “Is this the precursor to the engagement ring?” “Oh, is that an engagement ring?” “You might have a real one soon,” and etc. – usually, to my chagrin, in front of my boyfriend. He says it doesn’t bother him at all…unusual given that anyone making any kind of comment about that in the past bothered the crap out of him. I know that approaching my mom about it would only result in warfare (God forbid you correct her behavior, however kindly). When she makes the comments, he usually just sits there, changes the subject or moves on.
No one from his family has ever made any comments toward me. He sister has asked here and there if anything’s happening in that department, to which I usually just shrug my shoulders. His parents and grandparents asked him if he had any plans to marry when I wasn’t present a few months back. After they found out that we moved in together, his grandpa informed us that he had something to ask us (I was afraid it was, ‘is she expecting a baby? Is that why you moved in together?’), but then quickly demurred and said he had nothing to say.
My boyfriend told me his response to their questioning was, “We’ve talked about it.” Yes, unfortunately we’ve talked about it to death.. :/
Well, what about the rest of you? Any playful or memorable teasing you’ve encountered? I’m not bothered by the teasing or questioning we’ve had – especially the time with our friend. We had an entire discussion about marriage, and here my boyfriend didn’t even know it!
Post # 3
my mother surprised me the other day by saying that she thought i might be getting married next summer. while that would be awesome, i told her that would mean that i should be engaged right now… le sigh… :c
also, while on a trip to europe recently, one woman we were with took it upon herself to begin planning my destination wedding, much to my father’s chagrin. XD
Post # 4
I believe the phrase “He won’t buy the cow if you give the milk away for free” was used about a million times after we moved in together. That never gets old *end sarcasm*.
Post # 5
@RiverRunning: Every time J and I go away somewhere (even if it’s a day trip to the beach), people always say: “Oh, I was totally expecting you to come back with a ring”.
Not only that, but if I see or approach a friendfamily with a smile on my face, they immediately look down at my hand.
Post # 6
My grandma used to always ask me when I was going to get engaged. To which I of course said, you need to ask my bf! Eventually she decided that in her head I was already married, b/c I was living with him. It just made her feel better that way and she would literally always call him my husband.
Post # 7
I think the worst one I got was from this very snarky guy I work with. A colleague (who is very socially inept and not very attractive) got engaged and this guy goes to me, “Wow, what’s wrong with you when she can pin down her man and you can’t?” I can always take a joke, but I was just in shock! I was genuinely happy for this girl and he somehow made it about ME!
Post # 8
@artbee: You’re lucky she just says THAT! My grandmother tells me that she’s going to die soon cuz she feeling weak and tired. And that I need to get married soon so that she can watch.
I used to be able to handle it ok. But now when she says that, I just smile, nod, walk away, and ball my eyes out. The sad thing is, is that she’s right. My grandmother won’t be around much longer. She’s seen all of her grandkids get married and have babies. I’m the last one, and I’d be devistated if something happened to her before I got married. I can’t imagine my (our) day without her.
Post # 9
I’ve not yet heard the end of “giving the milk away for free” myself. Shortly after I signed the lease papers to move in with my boyfriend, I was at my parents’ house in a room mixed with close and more distant family. My mom started telling them all about the move, then announced, “I told her she should get engaged first before hse moves in with a man. Otherwise, she’s just giving the milk away for free.”
I, of course, gave her quite a spearing in private afterward, but displayed my discontent openly immediately after she said it. No one else has had the gall to say something to me about it.
Although, now that I’m “waiting,” I am wondering if there isn’t some legitimacy to that statement. Not for all men, but certainly for some I think it’s a way to postpone further commitment.
Post # 10
lol yes! My grandma is always telling me I need to get SO to marry me before I get any older and he doesn’t find me attractive anymore or before I ‘waste’ away..I’m 25!
Post # 11
My grandma told me to not wait too long to get married. I think for her, that will be my greatest accomplishment…but I ignore her–She got married to get out of the house because she wasn’t self sufficent.
Post # 12
Friends ask us when we’re going to get married allllllllll the time. We’ve been together for 3 1/2 years, we’ve lived together for 3 years. Our friends are getting married in September, they’ve been together 1 1/2 years. We went to another friends wedding in June, if I had a dollar for everyone, young, old, man, woman, who asked us when our big day was, I think I could pay for said big day. 🙂
Post # 13
I haaaaaated going to weddings/engagement parties and hearing “you guys are up next, aren’t you?” and “Hey, when’s it gonna be YOUR turn?”
Post # 14
I dated my Fiance on and off for 6 years before we got engaged. I actually moved to a different state to live with him after he moved for his new job. People always asked when we were getting engaged and it was really annoying because I really wanted to be enaged. My Fiance is not the type to talk to others about his feelings or relationship things. He would give the same response of “We’ve talked about it” even though he had told me 100 times that “We would get married.” I bugged him and bugged him and bugged him some more about getting a ring but he was always resistant about the actuall process. Every time I logged into Facebook, I’d see another girl I knew had gotten engaged and posted pictures of her ring. The annoying part was that most of them hadn’t been dating for nearly as long as my fiance and I had, nor did the guys have as good of a job as my Fiance does. It was a constant reminder that I did not have a ring which to me, was making that commitment official and public. Your boyfriend might be nervous about talking about engagement with other people. Talk to him about it and make sure that you two are on the same page. I told my Fiance that every time he would say “We’ve talked about it” actually offended me because I took it as, “he is afraid to admit to his family and friends that he would marry me, and that means he is afraid of what others think when he should be proud and honored to have me as his.” Let him know how you feel. Being able to go to each other with anything is an important aspect of a relationship!
Post # 15
yep, when I was waiting people would ask all the time. Every single time we went away for a few days, on vacation, or even just had a picnic in the park, for seriously over a year, my friends would all be saying “WELLLLL????? Is there anything you want to tell us???” And then a couple of months before we actually got engaged, it was new year’s eve and we were out with all of his friends and ALL of them kept asking and asking why are we engaged yet, and i would say, i don’t know, why aren’t we engaged, looking at him, and i just ended up getting really pissed off. (unknown to me, at this point he had already planned it and bought the ring and everything and it made him uncomfortable and he felt like he couldn’t say anything!)
And older people especially know how to say things like ‘so when are you going to make an honest woman out of her then’. Brilliant, really makes you really great about yourself doesn’t it, being compared to cows and mistresses!