What did you do about guests who didn’t show up? (long)

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
2111 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I know it sucks!! We only had a few MIA. 2 were DH’s friends who I don’t know very well. He was a litted pissed off but found out later the reasoning which was totally understandable.

2 were my in-laws friends. His mom passed away the day before so they couldnt make it.

Valid reasons so I wasnt too worried about it.

Post # 6
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

That is really annoying. I feel like people who don’t show to a wedding are more obligated to send a gift since they ended up costing the B&G $ but weren’t even there to show support.

I don’t think you should have emailed the professor at all. That was incredably rude of her not to show and you can take it as a slap in the face until she reaches out to you.

As far as I know everyoen showed up to my wedding who had RSVP’d yes, but we had a TON of people change their minds a week before or not respond until a week before, so that’s almost just as bad.

Post # 7
Member
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

We had three no-shows. One a friend of Darling Husband and I who I had an inkling wasn’t going to come because I saw he had posted about some party at a club he wanted to know if other people were going to that was the same night as our wedding. Nice. Thanks. And the other two were DH’s friend and his Girlfriend, who I’m actually pretty surprised they didn’t come because they had been really excited about the wedding, and called Darling Husband a number of times to ask questions and tell him how much they were looking forward to it. Like you, none of these people has contacted us with an apology or an explanation.

I totally agree that if you were cancelling a dinner date with a friend you would at least call them to cancel, not leave them sitting and wondering where you were all night. I don’t understand why it’s acceptable to just not show up to a wedding. It’s your friends/family/coworker getting married, it’s pretty momentous!

The three that didn’t show up or contact us after I have no desire to speak to again or initiate contact myself. Clearly they’re unaware of common courtesy and I’m not going out of my way to make nice with them.

Post # 8
Member
1184 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

last summer Fiance woke up sick on a day that we were supposed to be driving 2 hours out into the coutry to go to my friend’s wedding. i literally had to drag him out of bed, threw his suit in the car, hopped him up on cold meds, and drove us the whole way there. we stopped at a rest stop 20 minutes away to change into our wedding clothes. he complained the whole way there (yes, i wanted to kill him) but i refused to be those people who didn’t show up for a wedding.

Post # 9
Member
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

@pb and j: Ditto. Last year I was so unbelievably sick for one of my close friends weddings. I really didn’t know how in the world I was going to do it, but I took a boat load of cold meds and went. I don’t really remember a lot of it, but I was there because I wasn’t going to be that guy! LOL! Plus these are my friends, how could I not be there?!

Post # 10
Member
5096 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

It’s completely unacceptable behavior, and they do owe you an apology. But if I were you I would just let it go. Especially with your prof – she was genuinely sick, she’s probably feeling sheepish/embarrassed about it, and she’s stuck her neck out for you in the past.  On top of that, she’s probably running around like crazy trying to catch up on the work she missed while ill.  Give her a pass this time.

As for the others – if you value your relationships with them, I would either take their explanations at face value and accept their apologies, or explain to them why you’re hurt and ask them to talk to you about it. If you don’t value your relationships with them, just let it roll off your back, and focus on all the people who did come and the wonderful parts of your wedding day.  It’s a recipe for unhappiness to dwell on other people’s misbehavior or to take it personally.

Post # 11
Member
3709 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

My sister had about 15 or 16 people that were no-shows. This includes our oldest brother and ALL of our cousins and aunts that were invited. She had a large list of Navy friends who asked to go if people didn’t come and didn’t mind being contacted at the last minute. In fact, they insisted she call even if it was the day of. We ended up calling a group of people the night before and they all came and had a blast.

Post # 12
Member
384 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I’ve read several posts about no-shows and still have a hard time seeing the big deal.  I totally understand the ettiquite of it.  A wedding is basically a dinner party and ettiquite dictates that if you can’t make it after RSVPing yes you should let the host know.  But at the end of the day I have a hard time seeing the big deal.  Maybe it’s the economist brain I have, but the way I see it the money is spent whether they come or not.  They said yes and you included them in your guest count.  Had they called a week in advance even to say something came up, would that really change your catering cost or allow you to extend an invite to someone else?  I doubt it.

Like I said, I totally get the disappointment of the whole thing, but don’t fully understand the need to call the no-shows out on it.

Post # 14
Member
335 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@SuperBrook…. I would love to see what your opinion is AFTER your wedding.  The fact that you plan and prepare for people who said they are coming (making escort cards, adding them to the seating chart, preparing the wedding favors, including them in your catering headcount, etc…) is wasteful both in time and money.

I am bitter somewhat because we ended up having about 25 no shows!  That was 25 extra people we paid for!  I would of rather of had that extra cash to have taken on our honeymoon if I would have known.  I didn’t have to give my counts until the day before.  One of my brothers ended up calling me the day before the wedding to say he could come afterall, I had my daughter and her friend give up their seats for him & his wife but I told them there was no room for their daughters because I had no more available seating which was true at the time.  If I would have known that 25 freaking people were not going to show, my neices could have come no problem. 

I also got no phone calls from these people either, no “I am sorry I couldn’t make it because XYZ”…NOTHING!  I did get a few cancellations a week before but they sent a card which I was totally fine with.  I know things come up and they have a life outside our wedding…BUT have the common courtesy to let your hosts know!  That is the least you can do!  So I totally feel you OP!  I was actually thinking of starting my own post because this was the ONLY negative thing that sticks out in my mind and I need to try and let it go….or confront them…not sure what to do really.  (One is my facebook friend and I feel like booting her off my friend’s list! lol… I know it’s so high schoolish but I want to sooooo bad! hahahahahaha!!!!)

Post # 15
Member
1088 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I think I had around 20 or 25 people who RSVP’ed YES and didn’t show. I lost over 1000$. That sucked. Oh well, what can we do now? 🙁

Post # 16
Member
335 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@DanielleZara….Send them a bill! Just kidding! lol….  But wouldn’t it be great if we could!

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