(Closed) What did you do after baby was born? Visits at hospital & at home….

posted 7 years ago in Babies
Post # 5
Member
1763 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

We had a couple come each day and that was fun, but it was a little overwhelming feeling like we had to look nice and have everything together every day right when we got home. I actually preffered visits at the hospital because people usual keep them short and you dont have to cook and feel like a host.

Post # 6
Member
3587 posts
Sugar bee

I haven’t had mine yet, but I hope they visit more at the hospital, rather than our house. I just don’t want family sitting around the house doing nothing, I’d feel like I have to entertain.

No advice on getting the message out there though. I’m just going to play it by ear.

Post # 6
Member
1220 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

I’m just going to warn you that if you come across as very limiting to your friends once you get home…well…let’s just say that I’ll only ask/call once and if I get put off I’ll understand but they want to wish you well, not be scheduled for an appointment 2 weeks out.  You’re going to have to be flexible to a certain extent.

 

As for the hospital its super easy not to get people to come.  Just don’t tell anyone you’re there until after you’re home!

Post # 7
Member
289 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I completely agree with @mrskesslertobe! My family lived closer to wear I gave birth so they all came up to the hospital. It was lovely to have them all there, but when we got home I definitely wanted family time. It was difficult with Fiance family wanted to come over (multiple days in a row) because I felt like I had to be dressed and have the house clean, which is a little difficult with a new baby. However, they did usually bring food, so all was well in the end πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ 

Post # 8
Member
477 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I think grandparents or immediate family being around at the hospital is fine, but I think its perfectly acceptable to gently tell friends and family that once you go home, you would like a week to just settle into a routine and be together as a family.  Especially because you will all be sleeping at all hours of the day and night.  

I think everyone would completely understand – I know plenty of people who just tiptoe over to new parents’ homes to drop off food and leave it on the doorstep (with a text message to let you know its there).  Then you can start slowly having one or two people over every few days, or if you want to “rip the band-aid off,” then wait a month and have a baby coming-out party for everyone.

 

Post # 9
Member
1145 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2000

We announced through text (to everyone who came to a shower or VIPs afar) when the baby was born. We noted we were resting and didn’t respond to any reply texts or calls for days.  However, people were very excited. Plus it was at around 7AM on a 3 day holiday weekend so we had visits from so many (40) people. After 2 days of labor and with no sleep for my husband we were wiped. It was so hard to say no because everyone was thrilled for us. On the second day in the hospital, Darling Husband put his foot down and told everyone who called him not come! We still had a few unexpected visits. Since I recovered pretty well and was so hyped up,  I had a breakfast at my house, like a one week old “birthday” party.Through email, I invited  everyone else who didn’t make it to the hospital who wanted to come or text us, thanking them for letting us rest.  We had a lot of people show up for that and it was nice because we saw many people that way and I structured it to last only for 1 1/2 hours. Everyone else trickled in and we saw visitors a few times a week for a few more months. You don’t want to push people away b/c they will bring you food when they come to visit! πŸ™‚

That FB note is over the top!

Post # 12
Member
940 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

@spraguebride:  Thanks for posting this.  I’ve been having some anxiety myself and I’ve not been sure how to process it moving forward.

I can’t say I’m too worried, because I have a feeling people who want to visit will call and ask first, and that they won’t be put off if we say “No, not today.”  However…

My husband’s father lives not on the same street but literally 7 minutes from us.  He isn’t over all the time, and when he does come over, it’s always planned in advance and it’s always to be helpful.  However, even with these limitations, I see him far more often than I see my own family, to the point where he refers to my father as my “other dad.”

He informed me that he has jury duty the day before our baby is due, and asked me whether he should try to get out of it.  I encouraged him to go!  He asked if we’d need help those first few days, and I told him that for the first few weeks we’re going to be very busy getting acclimated to the new life in our house and that if there was something we thought he could do to be helpful, we would let him know.

I can see my Father-In-Law wanting to meet us at the hospital and come home with us, but it’s really important to me that my husband, our baby, and I walk into our house alone, as a family.  My husband said OK when I asked him to support me in this, and I believe he will.

Nobody else in his family is pushy, and I know that his father is so involved because he wants to help.  But part of me believes very strongly that he wants to help because it gives him something to do, and because he still treats his 35-year-old son as a child.  So, it’s frustrating.  I have some anxiety over this situation if you can’t tell!  But enough about me — this is your post!

I think the key is to talk to your husband and to get him on board with your plans, even if your plans are to play it by ear.  He should be the one to stand up for the two of you to his family and ask them for a reprieve from visits until you are more comfortable and ready for guests.

Post # 13
Member
6823 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I will be watching this.  Unfortunately my Darling Husband family lives out of state and when they come to visit they usually stay with us. I have already said that isn’t happening when little one comes into the world. I have asked my mom (my parents live about an hour and half a way to stay with us to help out) so that helps on the spare bed. 

I have also said we are not doing Thanksgiving (I am due 10 days before) I will so not be up to all kinds of people all over the place. 

Post # 14
Member
1213 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@Talishazwi: That is insane! Its like the mummy version of a bridezilla!

Post # 15
Member
2027 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

We aren’t to the point where we are thinking about this at all, but I will say that I’ve just had 2 friends give birth in the past few months, and both decided they wanted visitors at the hospital, so they texted close friends and family they wouldn’t mind visiting after the birth. I think that’s really the key…just don’t tell people you’re in labor if you don’t want visitors.

As for people visiting after you are home, I’ve had lots of friends use this service and really love it: http://www.mealtrain.com/

Typically a friend or family member signs up, gets a group going, and people sign up for specific days to bring a dinner and visit. I think it works out really well because the new parents get dinner and the people visiting don’t linger because obviously it’s awkward to hang out long when you’ve just dropped off a dinner. We’ve only spent a good 10 minutes or so visiting each time we’ve dropped off a meal. Get to see the baby, but don’t intrude. Just a suggestion. 

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