Post # 1
So it’s easy to imagine marital bliss, and all the good things about being married, but I would love to hear what *wasn’t* so perfectly peachy! (Especially if you didn’t live together before marriage, or hadn’t been together for years.)
What surprised you? What hadn’t you thought of? What have you guys had to work on the most? Where was the ‘rub’?
(and I’ve added a poll, just for fun. The first two options are ‘it’s been great’, the next two ‘it’s been ok/mixed’ and the last two ‘it’s hard!’, with the first of each being ‘that’s what I expected’ and the second being ‘that’s NOT what I expected’. I know it doesn’t exactly match the thread question… it’s relevant statistical research 😉 )
Post # 3
My fiance and I were just talking about this! We won’t be officially married until October 24th, but he actually feels as if we’re already married! He said "I don’t think anything will change until we have children!"
So I wonder how it really will be. I’ll let you know in 3 months!
Post # 4
My opinion might be a bit skewed because we lived together for 2.5 years before getting married. There have been times when we argue, and the biggest change for me is the "us". I am a very independent woman with two older brothers so I can argue with a brick wall until it agrees with me. There are times when I have to remember that its us first, and just my initial reaction or feelings. Overall, its been really great.
Post # 5
My hubby and I lived togethor before hand for about 2 1/2 years, we have been togethor a total of 3. While we have not been married long enough to really answer the question, I will have to say all those people that told me nothing would feel or be different since we had lived togethor prior…are wrong. There is something about my Darling Husband that changed dramatically. He seems more protective, more loving, more romantic, more excited about the future and even gave that advice out to a family member unsure of going through with their wedding. What he told that person blew me away bc I did not expect it. He basically said how excited he was to be marrying me and our future togethor, that he could not wait to be married to be me. He is helping me step by step with my worry and fear of the new house and is going through every place with me on where "we" are putting "our" money and it showed me how he truly has mapped out a plan for us, for the future, for the "what if this happens" back up plan. I guess for me I did not think someone only being married for a few weeks had that much planned and working that hard at it and it truly shows me he is prepared to take care of us. Heck, I even came home to flowers the first week and I only got flowers twice in the whole premarriage time. Once when he first said I love you and then right after we got engaged-2 1/2 years later! We just have a new found appreciation and love for each other and there is a whole new level excitement and I am truly loving married life!
Post # 6
Hmm… this is tough for me to answer. My married life has been difficult so far, but my marriage hasn’t been, really. That probably doesn’t make much sense.
I guess I’d say that I expected there to be rough patches in our relationship after marriage. There were/are… little things like chores, bigger things like Twister (we started playing only after we were married). Outside of our relationship though, our life has taken a major buffetting — we’re now on a COMPLETELY different life path than we were expecting. There have been times when we have both sat and just cried because we were so scared of how we were going to survive. But we can’t imagine this life, as hard as it is, without each other. Yeah, some things obviously wouldn’t have happened if we weren’t married (twister newbies -> unplanned pregnancy), but we cling more closely to each other now because of the hardships.
So to sum it up in four words — life sucks, marriage rocks!
Post # 7
well we didn’t live together before we got married nor we ‘twister’, so it’s been fun and exciting! also getting to know each other’s living habits could be annoying sometimes… mostly with chores…, basically adjusting to this new stage in our lives. We’ve had a few misunderstandings but we just can’t ignore each other and leave, because we’re living under the same roof!!! but we really, really enjoy being married, and it’s been great so far!
Post # 8
So I’m not married yet, but I’m really eager to hear all the responses!
Post # 9
I’m glad I added the poll, it’s really interesting to see how expectations match reality! I guess it shouldn’t be surprising that there’s such a range, considering a marriage is a unique individual marrying another unique individual, but I thought there’d be more of a trend.
@ December – wow! I can’t imagine that kind of start. But well done on getting through it together! That’s got to put you in good stead for coping with the future together!
Post # 10
we’ve been married a little over a month now…. i didnt live with hubby before we married but did spend every weekend with him and saw him during the week so it was not a distance relationship.
what ive noticed is suddenly i felt less of a individual and last week (i was feeling hormonal btw) i had a bit of a breakdown with him because if felt like suddenly i was asking for permission to do things (ie catching up with a friend, making facial or massage appointments) or spending money (i bought shoes-its a curse). although we have seperate bank accounts and will continue to do so i just was feeling pressure about justifying stuff, the pressure was not coming from him but from myself
what i have to learn is its not about asking persmission, its about taking into consideration so he knows my schedule so we can make plans for us things as well
ive also noticed he seems to ahev forgotten my name as im always introduced as ‘this is my wife’ these days – no name, just wife. when its just the 2 of us, he also says stuff like ‘hello my wife’ and thats kinda cute.
Post # 11
@ MissVelveteen…I think what is working for my Darling Husband and I, is that we went into our marriage with no high expectations or false reality or beleifs. His parents have been married for over 30 years and have had their share of problems but always come out on top and my family always seems to want to get divorced! That is one thing the sat us down and spoke to us about after our engagment is too not put so much pressure on yourselves living up to ideal expectations. I know and have seen some of our friends do this in their new marriages and had alot of trouble the first year or two where people were not sure if they would make it. We know its not going to be good all the time and we will have our troubles but we will get through it togethor! Good luck to all the new and future newlyweds!
Post # 12
I think that everything that was good before the wedding is still good. A few things have changed that I didn’t fully anticipate — first, the way I feel about his family has changed. Suddenly the actions of his parents have very real implications for me. I’ve also taken working on my relationship with them more seriously. We just went to a funeral for an aunt and I think it would have felt different if I were the girlfriend or fiance. So I guess this has to do with the way I think others perceive us.
Second has been the hassle over my name and what people choose to call me before they ask if I am taking a married name.
Finally, I’m worried about the tax implications of being married — but I guess we’ll see how that turns out next year!
Post # 13
@ MissGreen – thanks for sharing that. It sounds like you guys have a really good attitude going into it (and good role models in his parents). It’s really interesting how different the marriage culture seems to be between your families!
Post # 14
@ mdarrah – girl, we must be twins…lol…my hardest part is the “us” too!
I have been a single mom for 8 years and did it all myself. I have a hard time letting someone else step in or make decisions. Before marriage we had separate accounts and he managed his own money, now it is joint and I feel like a prison guard making sure everything is paid before play money is spent. We are slowly getting on the same page and I am learning to sit back a little bit and let go of the reins.
Post # 15
There should be a selection for “Nothing” things are pretty much the same. Granted…not a thing in our lives has changed since getting married in August and having been together for six years now it pretty much feels old hat. Granted I’m sure our relationship will be tested once we take on some larger things like our first home purchase together and children.
Post # 16
I think the hardest part will be decreasing my independence a little bit w/o feeling like a “failure”. I’m married but I don’t NEED him to take care of me. Totally fine w/o him. Life goes on, I enjoy my Friday evenings. I’m sure it’ll be a quick adjustment, lol. I could use a break!
I guess I need to learn to share my “me” time with him, lol. I’m not used to “us’ time =]