Post # 1
Just a thread for the heck of it. my primary wedding goal has always been that my Fiance enjoys the wedding as much as i do…like i want him to have FUN and be sad when its over! (is that too much to ask for?!!). but that is what i really want (I am pretty easy to please and plus its our WEDDING – enough said, i know i will have a blast!!).
so while i have tons of ideas and details that i always imagined my wedding would be like, i am doing the best i can to have my dream wedding while making sure Fiance is on board and enjoys it too and doesn’t end up gritting his teeth and praying to “survive”.
so as a result of fulfilling this goal, i had to give up a couple of things:
1) taking dance lessons before the wedding to dazzle guests during our first dance (FI hates dancing – the compromise is that he doesn’t do dance lessons, but dances with me to the slow songs during our reception!)
2) Having an “even” bridal party. I have 6 BMs and he has 2 GMs. I have few really good male friends that he knows well and i COULD have pushed him to making them GMs in order to “even out” our bridal party….but i want him to be comfortable and not just have people for the sake of having people…that would make it more my wedding than his if he did that.
you know, i can’t really think of anything else i gave up. its really the dance thing i always dreamed of doing. like ballroom dancing and how much fun it would have been to take dance lessons before the wedding….but i know that would TORTURE him!! so i am okay with giving it up.
i just wondered what other compromises/sacrifices others have made to ensure the wedding is about both of you and not just you!
Post # 3
I wanted to get married on the beach in Hawaii, with my sister, her boyfriend, my parents, his mom, and who ever else wanted to fly out there. I wanted just a quick destination wedding ceremony and go out to a restaurant for lunch or dinner afterwards. Then separate from the family and hop to a different island for our honeymoon.
Too bad he wanted to have more people involved in our wedding day, so we decided not to do a destination wedding, and have one at home so that we could invite more people. But we compromised by limiting our guest list to about 50 people.
I don’t really mind too much though– I’m happy either way.
Post # 4
- Wedding: September 2011 - Franciscan Gardens
I love all things vintagy and romantic…chandaliers, crystals, and soft colors like ivory and blush…. My fiance HATES this type of decor. He likes things crisp, clean and modern. Soooo, needless to say, this has been a major source of contention because all my life I have had this “idea” of what I want my wedding to look like and it’s just not going to pan out that way. I really want him to love it and feel like it’s his wedding too so we’re trying to find a comprimise!
Post # 5
Not having a wine toast…i begged but he really doesnt want it so we are not having it.
Post # 6
I fell in love with a classical music hall and wanted to have our ceremony there. It had a really elegant and grandiose feel to it, but it was booked for another wedding on our day, so we would have had to work around them, and the times it was available weren’t that great. We also would have had to spend significantly more money on the rental fee, more for decor and instrument rental. In the end, Fiance felt that that the extra cost couldn’t be justified. The objective part of me agreed, but I was to emotionally attached to the venue to want to admit to it!
Post # 7
Having a wedding at all. I mean, I wanted to marry him, but I begged him to elope. City Hall, Vegas, I didn’t much care how or where. But it was very important to him to have our families and friends there, and the dress and the tux and the whole bit. So we did. (I did love our wedding, and I’m very happy he wouldn’t cave on it.)
As to the wedding we did have: alcohol. We had one bottle of champagne on every table, for the toast, and that was it. There were several alcoholics in both our families and our wedding party (and a Best Man that recently gave up drinking after an awful episode at DH’s bachelor party–bad enough that 2 weeks before the wedding we were weighing “firing” him). Darling Husband didn’t want to put that sort of temptation in front of them.
Some of our guests that do drink responsibly, and would be most disappointed (mostly our friends) knew there wasn’t going to be booze there before hand, and I know of a few of them brought their own flasks.
Post # 8
i wanted a small intimate wedding with just the 2 of us, our small families and a handful of close friends (so about 20ppl) at a secluded beach followed by a casual beach bbq till sunset and he wanted a nice big traditional wedding. so to make him happy i went along with it, now im stressing about everything because im a perfectionist and he is no help in making decisions because he just tells me to do whatever i want. and the budget keeps getting bigger and bigger.
Post # 9
Having the wedding at all. He’s not that crazy about having one and wants to do something just the two of us. He says he’ll do whatever I want but it’s very difficult to say I want the wedding when it’s not something he values at all. He thinks they are a waste of money. At this point I have no clue what to do.
Post # 10
He’s given up much more for me than I have for him. We were supposed to have a destination wedding in Bermuda which was basically his dream wedding. We met with the travel agent, had the coordinator in place, the whole shebang. Then my family spoke up about their severe disinterest in the whole thing which really made me sad. I couldn’t possibly get married without my family there so we ended up scraping the idea and are having a traditional wedding here (however, we will be honeymooning in Bermuda). Because of this, I’ve vowed to let him do pretty much whatever he wants for the wedding. Thankfully everything that I have planned he’s been on board with and we haven’t had any real disagreements except for one. He wanted pyrotechnics. Like legit WWF style. I had to put the kibosh on that nonsense! =)
Post # 11
My first thought was to skip a “big” wedding and just do a small courthouse ceremony w/ a small dinner reception for our closest F&F. I wanted to buy a house right away instead (and we could get a NICE house in this market, grrr!). Well, Fiance wanted a big wedding and he convinced me that I’d regret not having our big, special day. So, we’re having the big wedding.
I also gave up my dream venue because it wasn’t FI’s favorite. I figured he wouldn’t care much about many of the other details, so he may as well get his ideal location. I’m still bummed about it, though.
Post # 12
@Aubergold: We had a similar issue, and decided to have a very small, intimate wedding with just 12 guests. Then we are throwing a big bash at our house for all of our friend the following weekend. It took the pressure off of both of us..and I’m still having a wedding! In a garden, with family, and a nice dinner afterward.
You can work it out!
Post # 13
I wanted a late summer-evening wedding outside (imagine lights strung from the trees, whimsical decor, paper lanters etc), but he wanted the wedding in late March, and we’re in Washington state, so outdoors was out of the question 🙁
Post # 14
oh i totally forgot! there was another sort of biggie i gave…was to have our wedding in either May or August (2 months that are meaningful to our relationship and my favorite times of year). BUT since we are having a destination wedding in a tropical location, and Fiance is not a fan of weather that’s unbearably hot (and we have very different tolerances), we settled on April!
AND the other big thing i had to compromise was going away for 10 days instead of 14. he was really against going to a beach a location for even more than a week at first where i wanted one week at the wedding resort and one week at another honeymoon resort…..so alas, we are doing 6 days at one and 4 at the other…
Post # 15
the only thing my finance really wanted was to wear a navy colored suit – so i felt a little limited in color options for my bridesmaids. in terms of cake i was hoping to have something with berries for the summer, but he wanted a lemon filling, so going with that – if those are on the only things he wants i guess i better let him have them right? 🙂
he is also very shy and doesn’t want to have any speeches. since he is not into being the center of attention im thinking of not getting a videographer…i think just the thought of having a photographer is making him nervous.
Post # 16
He wanted a big, fancy thing (no, I’m not joking….I think that since those are the only types he’s been to, he thinks it’s the only way?) But I….did not. I want a small-ish, garden or park ceremony with MAYBE a max of 50 people. Our compromise? A small chapel at our church that seats 85. We are inviting 75. It isn’t a garden or park, but it has great picture taking opportunities since it’s, well, adorable.
Also, he wants to have a BA get-away car… and we’re deciding if it’s logistically worth it. But I know he REALLLYYYYY wants it.