Post # 47
I’m not surprised at the snarkiness you encountered here. I posted something similar and took a thrashing for my question and yes I ranted a bit. People who had no clue who I am took advantage of the anonymity of this site to take me to task and judged me as being greedy and ungrateful. I’m 53 and for all my adult years I’ve attended other people’s events from small to large (and their children’s & ‘my children’s friends events) and never, regardless of my financial ability, showed up empty-handed. I was shocked that some people came to our at-home wedding reception last month and didn’t even bring or send a card! All the people invited were older people – no starving students – and many were people who I’ve given many gifts to (to them or their children) over the years. We didn’t want or need gifts, but I was commenting on how shocked I was that people could show up with nothing!
To answer your question, my husband’s father came to our wedding in the Bahamas and also gave us $2,000. My mom gave us $1,000, his grandma gave us $500, his mom came to our Destination Wedding and gave us a Waterford vase. My best friend and his partner came to the Destination Wedding and treated all 8 of us to an amazing dinner on our wedding night, took the 2 of us & my daughter to swim with dolphins and bought us all the photos taken. Other guests at our home reception gave us anywhere from nothing to $100 cash; some gave gifts like a serving bowl and picture frames, others gave $25 gift cards. We had 40 people at the party and got about $350 in cash gifts.
Post # 48
Considering that I have seen questions asking about the size of your SO’s penis, how much money you make as a couple, frequency of sex and bathroom habits and whether or not you fart or crap while your SO is watching, just exactly who is paying for what concerning your wedding, and how much your ring cost and what size is your diamond, and so on and so forth, I find this question to be on the milder side of inappropriate and I am not at all offended.
That being said, I can’t answer you yet – my wedding is a few weeks away.
Post # 49
This thread is rediculous! I clicked bc I am curious also – why else does anyone click? Everyone needs to take a few steps back and realize if you have nothing nice to say perhaps click on a different thread. I’m glad you asked this question, unfortunatley I don’t think there will be many responses in the form of actual answers to your OP. I hope there is though
Post # 50
I happen to agree with the people here saying it’s not a big deal to ask this, especially the way she asked.
Apparently it’s acceptable to ask about how big your diamond/center stone is, how much it was, etc. Nobody there says “Who cares?? you are marrying the love of your life. Might as be an onion ring!”, but this is an issue?
Of course none of us are getting married to receive gifts, but tell me then what is the point of a bridal registry and a bridal shower? why do you actually register? why do you let your bridesmaid throw you a shower?? I mean, seriously people!
Anyway, not married yet. Our wedding is in South America and because we live in the US it is customary to mostly just give money (Called “shower of envelopes” in South America).
Hope this helps!
Post # 51
I think it’s a fair question. I, too, am quite curious!
Post # 52
The reason she got the snarky replies is due to her post history. She caused a storm here in the last month by saying that she was going to have a wedding in a park that she hadn’t booked and that she was going to sell people alcohol in the park, at her wedding, without a permit. Lots of people tried to help her and she went crazy on them.
Post # 53
@theone99: why should that matter? She’s posted a recap, thanked those who helped her, and admitted that people were right about needing an indoor location and food. What else can the woman do?
OP- I have not gotten married yet but I believe it’s customary for mosts guests to give at least $100 (as in gift value or cash amount) at weddings in my family. That being said, I have some cousins who I know never give anything, just how it is.
Post # 54
@Zouave I didn’t say that it mattered, or that it was justified, I was explaining why she may have received some quick, snappy responses.
Post # 55
Well OP and for those who are curious I can answer you. Firstly I’m from AUS and here in every wedding I have been to it is not considered rude to ask for money if people wish to a gift. In the end we got money and zero physical gifts. We were astounded with how generous our guests were. We had 120 guests on the dot but that included 24 kids/teens. Including the money from our parents we received a little over 33k. Like I said – ASTOUNDED! Absolutely did not expect it but extremely thankful as we surprised all our guests on the night with news of our new house so it was certainly appreciated
Post # 56
It doesn’t really matter what she posted before. In that case, if you find her posts/replies generally offensive, you just shouldn’t read them. Or reply, unless you can say something nice/neutral. Harrassment is not okay, regardless of how inappropriate or “tacky” you find the OP’s question.
I don’t think there is anything wrong with asking… you aren’t forcing anyone to respond with numbers. And there have been some really interesting regional responses… for example, while someone else said that in NYC it is customary to pay for your “head”, it is not the case in the South (at least, not in the middle class).
Here, there is usually a pretty even split of $$ and actual gifts, from what I can tell from weddings I have attended. Usually there is a gift table at the reception and possibly also a card (i.e. money) “tree” of some sort. Most people here have 1 or 2 registries.
My Fiance and I might not have a registry, since we don’t need anything home-related and currently live together. However, we are considering having a registry just for the older relatives who will want to bring an actual gift, whether or not they give money as well.
I am curious too, about what people will give (for us, any amount will make our lives a little easier after shelling out $$$ for a wedding reception). Some people are lucky enough not to have to care about money, and what they receive will hardly matter at all… but for many others that money truly does help them out as they start a new life together.
Post # 57
@MsBlackberry: that money truly does help them out as they start a new life together.
I couldn’t agree more. My Fiance and I are not expecting our guests to give something but I think you’d be hard-pressed to find a bride who wasn’t curious about what/if people will give. Whether its $20 to pay for a meal or $2000 to pay for our rent, gifts are an exciting part of getting married and I think its silly to pretend like we aren’t excited about it.
Post # 58
@melinchka: Wow that is crazy!!!! And so generous of your guests! Is it customary in Australia to gift a lot of cash? That is by far the largest sum I have heard of.
Congrats on the new house as well!!
Post # 59
We had 50 guests and we got $8000, and a hand made mosaic mirror .
Post # 60
I dont get what the big deal is with asking this question. I’ve asked myself this same question a lot of times. And i’ve tried to estimate an amount because we don’t have a lot of money and every spare dime we have is going to this wedding. If we can get even a fraction of that back that’ll be a huge deal to us.
but honestly there is no way to judge any of this. Some have a lot of guests that have a lot of money and are likely to give like a few hundred just for them…. Others have guests that don’t have a lot of money and can’t afford much of anything at all. I have some guests (like my sister) for example that if she even tries to give me a gift i’m gonna feel extremely guilty. And others that if they don’t get me a gift i’ll be a bit insulted because i know they are loaded with cash.
I’m not worried about it because theres really no way to judge it perfectly but honestly – we’re planning on making back about a grand plus some gifts. I know his family and to them… 100 for a birthday is normal… i’m sure their gonna get us that much (or equivalent in a gift) for our wedding. I’m not asking for it – its just the way it is.
Post # 61
Touchy, touchy Bees… I asked pretty dang close to the same question right after I got married and got nothing of the sort.
Anywhoo, out of about 250 guests we received about 3 physical gifts and about $26k in money. It’s definitely more customary to give money at the wedding and physical gifts at the shower, here. Even still, we were VERY surprised by the generosity of our family and friends.
@j_jaye: How is that distasteful? I myself, and many others, like to be a little more personal with our TY’s, and therefore have to make sure we know who gave what (I’m talking physical gifts here). And with any cash/cheques, IMO, one should know how much they are depositing into their bank account. Them tellers aren’t always 100% correct…