What discussions do you feel are important before getting engaged/married?

posted 6 months ago in Relationships
Post # 31
Member
35 posts
Newbee

Family – I’m living in my boyfriends country so a whole continent away from family so for us a big, ongoing conversation is where we’re planning on settling down. Also how we plan on dealing with seeing family enough (once a year, more, who goes where, etc). 

 

Houses – We’ve talked about where we want to live which has been a huge discussion each time. We rent now but plan to buy a house soon and he loves the rural country, I hate it. So we’re trying to find an area to compromise that both of us will like…easier said than done! 

Children – How we’re going to split family leave, how we think our parenting styles will be eapseically since we’re from different cultures. Expectations on work and daycare, etc. 

Post # 32
Member
35 posts
Newbee

Oh another thing I want to add is family boundaries. This has been a big one for us. He was raised by a single mom who is very attached to him. She calls multiple times a day, will randomly stop by, expects us to go to family dinner once a week and any family event that’s happening.

 

This is completely opposite of my family who we live a 8 hour plane ride apart and still talk o my twice a week and see each other twice a year at most. 

 

We’ve had to talk about his mom not just “popping” by when she feels like it. And there are times when I will opt out of family events (such as every weekend at the family summer house in the summer…) at first he read this as me hating his family but it wasn’t that, I just needed space to myself and if all my Freetime was spent with his family, I was going to go crazy. 

Post # 34
Member
5314 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

wildflower3 :  “The infertile thing is a really good point, especially if children are desired in the couple’s relationship.”

Yes! I think a lot of couples discuss children, but only in relation to if they want them or not and possibly how many. But a lot of times they don’t discuss the possibility of them NOT being able to get pregnant and where they go from there. Some people are not in favor of adoption, others are. Maybe the woman isn’t willing to ever do infertility treatments. Who knows! I feel it’s good to figure that out ahead of time so no one is caught by surprise. 

Post # 35
Member
362 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

Religion is something that wasn’t touched on but once or twice here, sooo…religion!! What do you believe? Do you attend church? How often? How do you want to bring up your kids regarding religion? How important is your faith (or lack thereof ) to you?

Timeliness are also a big deal. Pets. In laws. Visiting family. Spending time with families on holidays. Who’s family do you visit which time? Who gets Thanksgiving this year? 

How much time are you OK taking away from work after having a baby? When do you go back, if at all? Where will your kids go to school? If it’s public, which district? Are you okay with something marginal or will you she’ll out the extra sums of cash to live somewhere nicer and attend a better school district. Do you live below, within, or above your means? How often do you eat out? Who cooks? Etc…etc…etc…

Post # 36
Member
362 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

Pardon the large number of errors. My phone hates me.

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