(Closed) What do I do????

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
4485 posts
Honey bee

She is offering you a gift. You are not obligated in any way,shape or form to invite her in order to graciously accept the gift, despite what many people mistakenly believe, nor is it rude in any way to accept a gift from someone who is not invited. It would be more rude to turn her down (along with someone sending back gifts to senders whom they did not invite) and lie about your reasoning to get out of it. Plus, when you lie to people, it only makes things worse and they do find out about it and are justifiably offended. Favors aren’t required and no one will miss them anyway but there is no reason to be deceptive to this friend.

Post # 4
Member
9552 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

I agree. Honesty is best. While it ould have been best to not accept them in the first place, at this point you have 2 options. Invite her, which could be awkward without her son and at such a small wedding OR tell her as nicely as possible that while you really appreciate the offer you don’t feel right accepting the gift since you weren’t planning to invite anyone beyond family to the wedding. If she is insistent that she would like to do favors, even if not invited to the wedding, then I say that’s fine too.

Post # 5
Member
1697 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I would make sure to tell her sorry but we are not having children at the very least. If she came I would think her making the cookies as paying for her  seat…not that it’s ok but that is probably what she is thinking too! I had people make comments like they were invited to the wedding and I ignored them and theu figured it out lol! My hairdresser told me that a girl whose hair he did for her wedding invited him but never gave him an invite, the day of he hinted by saying where is your reception and she said across the street. Period. Not across the street aren’t you comming? He got the hint so maybe she will too? People are generally understanding of things like that.

Post # 7
Member
9552 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

@MerryWidow:  Awesome! I think you’re fine. Just be honest with her when you talk next and I’m sure it’ll be fine. I had a similar experience recently where a cousin wanted to throw me a shower so I could get to know a whole bunch of other cousins, but I wasn’t planning to invite those other cousins. I was so surpirsed I didn’t know what to say so I did a similar “Oh, um, that’s so nice, I’m not sure, um, thank you, but, um….” at the time. But later I let her know that I didn’t think a shower would work but that I would love to have a familiy reunion so we can all get together. Good luck!

Post # 8
Member
853 posts
Busy bee

I would accept the offer, invite her to the wedding and explain that there won’t be children. Easy peasy! I don’t think she would be offended in the least.

Post # 10
Member
853 posts
Busy bee

I think people are pretty understanding about children at weddings (or at least they should be!) We’re only having our family’s children to our wedding as well, and honestly, you have to draw a line somewhere. A close friend of mine asked if her kids were invited to ours, and I just explained to her that while we would love to have them, we were only including family’s kids. Good luck!

Post # 12
Member
11343 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

@Ember78:  Exactly! 🙂

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