What do I do?

posted 6 months ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
276 posts
Helper bee

How old are you and how old is he (in fact)?

Post # 4
Member
991 posts
Busy bee

Have you never met his friends or family in 7 years? How was he even able lie about something like that?

Post # 6
Member
1168 posts
Bumble bee

Christina Burmistrova :  Seven years is a REALLY long time for him to lie to you. What else is he lying about? If it was that easy for him to pretend to be 10 years younger than he is for 7 years, I wouldn’t put it past him to lie about other things. (I’m super sensitive about lying though, so that affects my pov). 

Post # 7
Member
991 posts
Busy bee

Christina Burmistrova :  And his age never came up?? No one thought the 17 year age gap was strange?

This would be an complete deal breaker for me.  You should be very careful if you’re considering working through this Bee, 7 years of lying is huge!

Post # 8
Member
6868 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

You’d posted an earlier thread about how you’d been engaged for nearly 2 years  and he hadn’t told his mother and sister. When you put all this stuff together, it’s not looking good. At best, there’s an extremely unhealthy family dynamic, codependency and failure to launch; at worst, you’ve been the unknowing “other woman” for at least some of the relationship. There are some questions about basic honesty. I honestly would break up unless there’s a very good justification for these lies and omissions, and if he somehow does justify it, I’d delay the wedding to give him time to work on honesty. 

Post # 9
Member
991 posts
Busy bee

You lived with his mum for at least a year and she never knew you were engaged for two years? Bee ths is a very weird dynamic, I would at least postpone the June wedding.  This is not a healthy relationship.

Post # 11
Member
637 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

Being ten years older and not knowing for 7 years? That’s actually massively creepy, bee

Post # 12
Member
276 posts
Helper bee

I guess he was feeling uncomfortable telling you that he was approx 40 as he met you as a 20something. At some point, it is just hard to tell the truth.

The fact that he doesn’t want anyone to know that you are engaged is a whole different story. 

Post # 13
Member
3635 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

Between this and the other thread, I don’t know why you aren’t running far far away as fast as your legs will carry you. 

Post # 15
Member
116 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

Personally, I’d be running for the hills. Perhaps when he first met you, he thought you wouldn’t be interested with the age gap (you were about 21 and he was 42 – twice your age?), but to never correct it until he was forced to in 7 years is a huge error. Have you never filled out forms for him? Booked holidays together, seen his passport? His white lie has turned sour. What else has he lied about? My guess is he’d deny any more lies until you found out about them. Trust is a huge factor in a relationship, and I don’t think I could trust him again in the same way as before. 

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