What do I do???

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
502 posts
Busy bee

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ttu992 :  How long have you been together? I would imagine it’s normal for parents to be concerned about you dating someone much older with children, but to disown you seems extreme.

Can you afford to live on your own? That’s what I would do if I were you, you’ve never lived away from home so you really don’t know what it’s like to have your independence. I’d do that before moving in with a man. 

Post # 3
Member
5047 posts
Bee Keeper

If you have to ask your mommy and daddy and the internet if you can live with your boyfriend, you aren’t grown up enough to live with your boyfriend and be a pseudo-step-parent to two kids.

Moving out is a grand idea…but into your own place.  Every person should learn to be a fully functional independent adult before seeking out a shared live-in relationship.  Go rent an apartment for a year so you can learn how to make decisions on your own and cut that umbilical cord strangling you around the neck. And then if you are still together with your boyfriend and able to cite more reasons than owning your own car as reasons why you are ready for the commitment of living with your boyfriend and being involved in a much larger role of his two kids’ lives, by all means move in.

Post # 4
Member
2535 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

Why do you live at home at 26? Move out on your own, you’ll learn A LOT about yourself and life in general. 

Post # 5
Member
3083 posts
Sugar bee

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ttu992 :  i have the same questions as PP

how long have you been together? It sounds like your parents are still getting use to the idea of him in general, let alone you moving out with him. Did they just meet him? or is this relationship new?

I agree that you should move out by yourself for a little while. You learn a lot by taking care of yourself and running a household. You can pay all your own bills, but it is not the same! Once you realize that no one is there to buy you toilet paper and towels and stuff you never even thought twice about – it gets real. 

Especially if you are going to hit the ground running and run a household with two kids in it all of a sudden! 

but at the end of the day, it’s up to you. But something just tells me that you havent been dating this guy very long and thats why your parents are so against you moving in.

Post # 6
Member
682 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

How long have you been together? How old are his kids and how long has he been divorced?

Post # 7
Member
1012 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

Can’t give advice without more information. Do not break up with your boyfriend because your parents want you to, but that doesn’t mean that there isn’t a good reason. Do not let ANYONE manipulate you, including your parents. 

As far as moving in make sure you have the same goals. If you want marriage I wouldn’t move in before I had a date set. Oftentimes woman will see moving in as a step towards marriage and men will see it as just something you do. Communicate your goals and listen to his. 

Post # 8
Member
2178 posts
Buzzing bee

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ttu992 :  I dunno, bee…26 is way young to be a live-in step parent to two children. You haven’t even lived on your OWN yet, so you don’t even really know what it’s like to fend for yourself—how’s that gonna work out when you’ll also have 2 little people depending on you ON TOP of being expected to play home maker while you’re still trying to navigate living without your parents for the first time on your own??

 

I’m not telling you what to do, but, why do you want to be with someone who is almost 40, has an established life, and is recently divorced when your life is  really just beginning? I’d give that some thought before making a decision. Your family isn’t wrong for not liking this situation, and I think you should try to look at things from their perspective before you do anything you might regret. It all sounds a bit…strange.

Post # 9
Member
601 posts
Busy bee

I agree with PPs that the first step might be moving out into your own place, without your boyfriend. It is a huge leap to go from living with your parents to living as a parent. Spend some time on your own and figure out if this is really what you want to do.

Post # 10
Member
960 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

it seems like we are missing a lot of pieces like how long u have been dating and if u are ok with being step mom. i mean ur opretty young it would be a waste of time if he is not the man u are going to marry.

Post # 11
Member
904 posts
Busy bee

Several Questions unanswered:

Why are you living at home at age 26?

How long have you been with your boyfriend?

Does he want you to move in?

 

Step 1. Be an adult and move out on your own. You need to learn to live as an adult. Perhaps your parents have some misgivings since you are 26 and still living at home. Have you had past incidences of making bad decisions financially or with relationships that moved to fast. Why are you living at home at 26?

Step 2. Be able to defend your decision. If you cant reasonably defend your stance, i.e address all issues stated above and whatever else is causing them to pause, then you arent ready to move in with your boyfriend. 

 

Post # 12
Member
2027 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

Just going to agree with PPs about your parent’s concerns and you not even being an independent adult yet. If your parents still take care of you, how in the bloody hell do you see yourself fit to be a stepparent and take care of 2 children who furthermore, are not yours. That’s  a HUGE responsibility and not one anyon should take lightly just because you WANT to play house with your boyfriend. There is no need or real reason other than it sounds good but I don’t think you understand the full reality of it. Also, I don’t expect your parents to disown you over it but don’t expect people to support you in decisions they don’t agree with especially if they have valid concerns. If you’re okay with not listening to their advice then you have to be okay with them not supporting your decisions. 

Post # 13
Member
559 posts
Busy bee

Move out to your own place. You don’t have to go from living with your parents st 26 to stepmom for two at 26. Neither of those are very good options. Just live on your own, work on getting a healthier relationship with your parents and keep your boyfriend as just a boyfriend for now.

Post # 14
Member
1065 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Everyone should live on their own for at least a year.  Best advice I’ve gotten and taken. You really discover yourself.  You will realize that the person you most have to please is yourself.  Otherwise you end up trying to please parents or a SO your whole life without truly knowing YOU.

By all means move in with him, find out your parents are right, and then move out. Many of us have done this, including me.  Sometimes the hard way is the only way to learn.

Post # 15
Member
1034 posts
Bumble bee

Seriously, at the age of 26, you do not have to ask your parents’ permission to move out or to live with your boyfriend. Excuse me being so blunt, but you need to grow a backbone. 

I would say you need to move out, regardless of whether it is with your boyfriend or not, because still being so dependent on your parents’ approval is extremely unhealthy at the age of 26.

I am also pretty horrified at your parents for saying they will disown you for moving out with your boyfriend. What kind of parent says they will never speak to their own child again? Particularly if it’s simply over a decision that they disagree with?

OP, you need to make your own decisions and your own mistakes. Move out. I would be surprised if your parents really did cut you off… most likely they will get over it once they have got used to the idea. By threatening you with being cut off they are just being manipulative, and you cannot allow that.

That said, I think the advice of PPs to move out into your own place first (and not with your boyfriend) is excellent. Learn how to stand on your own two feet first, and learn what it means to be an adult. If you don’t develop this strength, you are putting yourself in a very vulnerable position moving in with a man.

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