What do I do?posted 1 month ago in Emotional
- 1 month ago
leztrythisagain : and all…
I’ve reached out to various people for the past two, three days, including his parents. My therapist has been really helpful and supportive via emails. She’s trying to set a time to speak with my husband’s therapist. I tidied up the other room, and moved my pillows there. From tonight i will sleep in the other room, to give him space and to give myself some space too. I am attending DBT classes to learn to regulate my emotions. Started connecting with God once again, praying, going to adoration chapel to seek the peace and rest I badly needed, and will continue doing so. I’m going to sign up to go there weekly. It has been my thing before i started dating him. But i thought i need to spend more time and focus on him. I gave in to the idea of having joint accounts, though I was worried. He convinced me to not have a hankerchief by the door ready to go. So i opened an individual account yesterday. I’m not intending to use that individual account, but I do feel better after doing that knowing it will be alright if ever anything happens. It dawned to me i lost my individuality by agreeing to having no other accounts. I fear he would close the joint accounts, take off with our savings AND i have to trust he is a man with high integrity. I will look for some other classes, yoga or maybe start learning languages again. I attended basic German classes while doing my phd. Or either one of the languages i have basic knowledge in. There are quite a few so yeah I have quite a lot to keep myself occupied, with or without him. And the good ol’ Netflix has always been my friend. It’s draining for me and i need rest, and i know he needs to find himself before he can figure us out. I just hope he’ll stay, and work through things. We love each other deeply. We hurt each other a lot too. We just wanted to make each other happy but we ended up making ourselves unhappy. We need to be in a happier place ourselves, to get to know ourselves. Then we can love each other better.
- 1 month ago
Oh dear OP it is all very sad and you sound as if you have done your best. And l appreciate that you still love him and feel you need to maintain your wedding vows……but if you think there is even the remotest possibility he may run off with all your savings, you will have lost more than your identity via the joint account.
I sincerely hope you have moved your half of the money in the joint account into your new individual one. If not, l really think you should do so. Now.
- 1 month ago
A bit of update and request for prayers. My husband has depression and anxiety. He came home, we had dinner, I moved to the other room. We have been talking about things, and he kept saying he’s lost and don’t know what is the right thing to do. I’ve received support from various people and i am feeling ok. I found out last night that his depression is controlling him (literally). He stopped his medication and been taking half of it whenever he feels his head buzzing. He talked about self-harm thoughts. I asked him to tell me when those thoughts go through his head. I shot an email to my therapist who’ll be speaking to his therapist to let his therapist know. I also encouraged him to tell his therapist about this. It doesn’t relinquish my side of fault for what happened but it explained a bit more of the extreme reactions and the feeling he’s walking back into his mental prison when he came home. His parents enable him to run away from problems. And would continue to support his decision, whatever it may be. Not helping him for sure. He knows he can’t just run away this time. I’m keeping myself checked and try to give him space. He said he liked it when I sent him a message in the morning but he felt it shouldn’t be because he perceives that couples don’t need to speak daily when one is away because his parents don’t. I’m angry. Trying to control myself and avoid being overwhelmed and worried. I’m taking care of myself.