What do I do?

posted 1 year ago in Waiting
Post # 16
Member
341 posts
Helper bee

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Amanda41 :  What are the reasons you want to get married? He’s shown to be committed to you through your illness. You share and life and finances and don’t have kids in your future… Is there a particular reason why you have this urgency? His motives for holding back seem to be financial. He used up his emergency funds to take care of you. I don’t think this is a reason to panic.

Post # 17
Member
609 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

Hi, bee. I, too, think that he showed his true self in caring for you during your illness. I don’t think he is stringing you along. He willingly is entangled with you on many levels. I think that marriage and engagement is different for men. Personally, I don’t always get it. You are living as though you are married, so why would you need to save up (except for rings and the ceremony/reception)?  Guys don’t see it that way. 

It sounds like he is a great guy. Don’t give up on him. 

Blessings to you. 

Post # 18
Member
849 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

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neverbeenstungbee :  Or you could try not to be a jerk when you post, since being a jerk is a character flaw and asking for advice on the Internet is not. Seems to me the onus is on YOU, the flawed person, to change. 

OP, I think it’s telling that you’ve described two years and two months as “creeping up” on three years. It’s actually pretty far away from three years. Given how quickly you two moved in together, it seems as though everything in this relationship is on overdrive for you. You really want things to happen quickly and get anxious when they don’t. The fact remains, though, that other people wisely prefer to take things more slowly, and I don’t think it’s unreasonable for your partner to want to wait longer for marriage if that’s how he feels. Regardless, the only way to solve this is to have a very honest discussion about how he feels and what’s stopping him from proposing immediately. 

Post # 19
Member
769 posts
Busy bee

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Amanda41 :  hi there bee! I have some things in common with you like moving in soon (we moved in after 8 months but it’s still early compared to most), and also we’ve been together now for 2.5 years! He talked about marriage before we moved in, and we talked about it more seriously in the beginning of this last year (2019), he mentioned then that ” a year or two from now we’ll be married”. So it’s been a year, and we’ve only gone ring window shopping once. And no sign of engagement. Everything is going great, and I too recently was emitted to the hospital with costly costly bills! Plus holiday expenses. Plus we want to move into our home home and we don’t know if that will be in town or another state! So there’s a lot on the table rn, but, he has mentioned that we both want to get married relatively soon, but wants to keep the surprise factor. He doesn’t want me to know that any time from now and X date, we’ll be engaged bc then I’ll be waiting and looking out for every little special occasion and that kind of ruins the surprise factor we both want. So, with that being said, girl I feel you! I’m waiting and I don’t want to keep inquiring but I also can’t wait! Lol and I know we’re both in a really good place with each other relationship wise. 

good luck to you and please update! 😀

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