- 1 year ago
- Wedding: June 2018
I sent out my RSVP’s 2 weeks ago. I’m starting to get the replies, but I discovered some people had been missed. Our Venue holds 100 guests, so be gave MOG&FOG 30, MOB &FOB 30, and Fiance and I got 40. We made some brutal cuts, but got it down to the people we really want there. Both sides have a B list set up, family friends and neighbors who wouldn’t mind a last minute invite and understand how weddings go. My parents have less people on their wait list though, and are paying far more for the wedding than FIs. Fiance has a significantly larger family than mine.
Well now I find out that 5 people in his family are in long term committed relationships and their partners have been left out. Also, the family friend who is loaning us a bunch of instruments isn’t invited, and MOG wants to invite his brother first on the round robin. The thing is, we had some early declines that have already gone to MOG!
So I don’t know what to do. I’d like to invite one more couple, and I’m going to feel pretty resentful if I can’t because MOG didn’t pay enough attention to etiquette. I’d like to make sure the 5 year couple who has been living together for years gets an invite, but if you invite one, you have to invite all. It’s like 9 people total that should have been invited. The people MOG added on later weren’t even required by etiquette! I noticed the Future Brother-In-Law girlfriend didn’t get an invite, so I let one of my no’s go to him. MOG wasn’t going to invite her because Future Brother-In-Law is in high school but they’ve been together 2 years and he’s a groomsman! Apparently her family invites him to everything.
Meanwhile, between my parents and I, we have a grand total of 4 people on our wait list, and most of our guest list is helping with wedding planning and have volunteered to help with set up and tear down (we didn’t even ask). MOG has been very hands off, and initially didn’t expect to contribute a penny towards the wedding, because I’m the bride. She merely expects to show up and not help. My parents think that’s ridiculous because they have 3 boys and 1 girl! We have 2 boys and 1 girl in my family, and they contributed exactly the same amount to each of our weddings, except for mine they paid for my dress. Eventually my Fiance talked to them, and they are kicking in a bit, but it caused definitely cause some tension. After walking a political tight rope and getting both sides happy, these plus one requests are causing a bit of tension. As it is, my mom was hoping that we wouldn’t get 100% yes so the venue wouldn’t be so cramped.
I’m at a loss. 1 or 2 we could accommodate, but 9? That’s a whole table! I though maybe with my invite list, 1 or 2 might have had partners I hadn’t accounted for, but none that had been together more than a year. My parents and I took so much care with etiquette.
Maybe I am stressing over nothing. It won’t cost us an extra to have extra people. Our caterers minimum is 100 people. But we looked at almost every venue in town, and this was the only one everyone agreed on, even if we went over budget. Changing the venue is not an option. All the contracts have been negotiated, deposit is paid. We also got a sweet deal with our venue, 1000 for the day, 500 for the night before. We rented a park lodge, so all they are going to do is unlcok the doors when we arrive and lock up the doors when we leave. We could go over the fire code, or just not count the staff and 4 little kids (ring bearers and flower girls), but I’m sure I’d have nightmares about the fire marshall shutting down the wedding.
ARG, what would you ladies do?