What do I do about my mother in law?

posted 2 years ago in Beehive
Post # 2
5551 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2017

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lasybug11 :  that’s just it… it’s HER drama. She’s going to do what she’s going to do. If she only reaches out when she needs something, stop giving her what she’s reaching out for.

Just pull away. Let her rant and rave, don’t pick up the phone when she calls. Just separate yourself, as long as that’s what your husband wants too.

It becomes your drama when you involve yourself. So stop keeping tabs on what she’s doing and stop reacting when she brings the drama to you. Don’t pick up the phone, or change the subject. Or just rush off the phone if she’s ranting and raving about you being racist or whatever.

Let it STAY her drama, don’t make it yours

Post # 4
2678 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

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lasybug11 :  I think you’re right. Let her move away and go live her life however she wants to. At this point she’s a grown woman and there’s nothing you can do about it really.

Sorry you’re going through this. It really sucks.

Post # 5
5754 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

Your husband is an adult, he doesn’t need his mom to spend her life doting on him anyone. It sounds like she is just trying to live her life and you are finding any reason to be annoyed. So she is spending her time and money on her own wedding? Literally none of your business. 

How can you be annoyed that she wants to spend the holidays with her bfs family but also be annoyed that she is going to make you miserable over the holidays?

Post # 6
1701 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Why won’t your fiance’s father be there? 

Post # 7
4055 posts
Honey bee

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Sansa85 :  +1. She’ll come crawling back eventually, when she realizes this guy is no good.

Post # 8
143 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

Seems like a blessing to your relationship that she’s always out of town chasing her current dud of a boyfriend. That means less time you have to deal with her. Count your lucky stars, girl! Lots of bees on here would kill for their difficult/dramatic Mother-In-Law to make herself this scarce! 

As for your Fiance, as a PP says, why is he so affected by her living her own life? If she’s been a shit mother all his life and he is dealing with the repercussions of that still, maybe he’d benefit from some therapy to help him understand that he doesn’t need his mother’s approval/attention 

Post # 9
7131 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

Unless you can watch and enjoy the soap opera of her life with equanimity, it’s best to pull far away from her because she’s not going to change, she doesn’t seem to learn from her mistakes and it’s just causing suffering for your SO and for you to be so involved.

She’s going to be in a world of hurt when this relationship falls apart, too, if she’s in the habit of leaving her financial resources with the dirtbags who have screwed her over. If that choice puts her in danger of one day not having enough money to survive on (which means your SO might be expected to step in to help her), I think you need to discuss that plan and any pertinent boundaries. Otherwise, all responses to her requests are “No” and give her wide berth to keep making her own mistakes with as little impact to you as possible.

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