(Closed) What Do I Do About My Mother?

posted 9 years ago in Family
Post # 3
962 posts
Busy bee

@clairetoebemarried:  I’m so sorry you are going through this. From your post it sounds like your feelins are about A LOT more than just the wedding. It sounds like the wedding is just illustrative of what you see as bigger problems in your relationship. My advice? I think you need to talk to a therapist and sort some stuff out before confronting her. Also, family therapy with the two of you may not hurt

Post # 4
9939 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

It’s good that you got it out, writing can be very therapeutic.  And you have a mom with a challenging personality, no doubt.  But you said yourself you know she loves you.  She loves you the only way she knows how.  She is not going to change, you’ve lived with her all your life, you know that.

My advice is to let all of this go and forgive her.  Not only for her sake but mainly for your own.  And you don’t need an apology that will never come to be able to forgive.  I’m not at all saying what she has done to you, ever, was right.  It was not right.  You have every right to be upset with her for the things she’s done. She has issues!  However, she is your mother.  Period, end of story.  I adored my mom and she passed away a few years ago and I would give anything to have her back.  So count your blessings and try to focus on what is good about her.  Think of any little thing you can possibly learn to like about her.

And also count your blessings and focus on what is good about your life.  You’re an adult now and you’re a wife.  You love your husband.  Rise above it.  Seriously, she can only cause you any more pain if you let her.  When she does something that grates on your nerves, take a breather, and walk away.  Don’t engage with her unless she’s being nice.  (Also, your remaining calm and not letting her get to you will drive her nuts!  Laughing  It’s the best revenge.)  Once you can learn to remain calm, you can let her know that until and unless she treats you with the kindness and respect you deserve you won’t choose to speak with her.  You have to set your own boundaries with her.  You can’t change her but you can change yourself and the way you react to her, from now on.

I wish you all the best!

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