- 8 years ago
- Wedding: February 2012
So, I’m writing this because I need some advice (that’s probably why everyone write, but anyway…) I’ve been married for about a month now. The honeymoon was great, I love my husband, and love being married, but every time I think back to the wedding I just get so angry – at my mom. Now we’re going home to see them next weekend and I know she wants to talk all about the wedding and I just don’t want to talk about it with her.
Some background: I am not good at organizing things. I’m a very creative person, but I have terrible time management skills, and I knew that if it was all left up to me I’d be running around like a chicken with my head cut off at my own wedding, and all I wanted was for my wedding NOT to feel like that. So I begged my mother to get a wedding planner. (You should know that money does not come into play here, my parents are very well off, but even if they weren’t I would’ve sacrificed plenty of other places and I even told my mother that). BEGGED her. Explained that I just wanted the process to be fun (She said “it’s not supposed to be fun”) I said I really didn’t want us to fight through the whole process and that if someone else did all the dirty work we could be friends (she said she didn’t want to be my friend) I tried to appeal to her need to be on the “inside” socially – I said “you know how where there’s 3 friends it always ends up that 2 gang up on the other 1 — well we could be the 2, and she’d be the outsider who’d have to work for us! I did everything I could, but she wouldn’t budge. (and by “wouldn’t budge” I mean she’d start crying, act depressed, and literally “take to the bed”).
Why would anyone act like that? Because she wanted all the credit, and she was terrifed that someone would say “the planner did a lovely job” when she wanted people to say SHE did the perfect job instead.
And everything unfolded just like I knew it would. She insisted on so many little things on her term. We had the reception in a barn and I was on my hands and knees cleaning cobwebs off the baseboards the day before my wedding. I was writing out tablecards the morning of. I had to run all of her errands and then when I didn’t get back fast enough she called to give me a guilt trip about how I “wasn’t on site helping” and didn’t I realize this was my wedding and that all of these people were here for me?
Manic is the only way to describe how the whole thing felt. Just manic. Everything was so crazy that I never really had time to talk to the minister so when I said “traditional vows” that got translated to “vows I’ve never heard before – ever” and on and on and on. Really, as the whole thing was unfolding I just. felt. crazy. And I really blame her.
But on the other hand, I know she did work hard, I know deep down she does love me. And yet, she sabotoges me all the time – when going through pictures of myself for the slideshow I realized that as an overweight teen, and she was always tiny and petite, she WORE the same outfit as me to MY senior tea. We look like a before and after. Like she was visually pointing out what I should’ve looked like. Who does that? But at the time it was so typical that I don’t remember even noticing it). Now I can’t fathom talking about the wedding to her. I’m still too mad. I don’t want to lash out at her. I don’t want to cause some fight that lasts for years to come. So I don’t want to air out my grievances, but I also don’t want to put on a happy face and pretend. I don’t feel like i owe her one more smidge of happiness. She ruined my wedding – I litterally look back on what should’ve been a perfect day that I worked REALLY hard for (and I ADORE my husband – I should’be been so calm and happy) and I HATE it.
I just don’t know how to move past it, or what to do about her, or if there’s anything I can do to salvage how I feel about the whole thing.
Not sure I explained this all that well, but thanks for listening, and I appreciate any advice you’ve got!