(Closed) What do I do about parents?…Vent

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
32 posts
Newbee

As difficult as it may be, a good idea may be for you, your fiance, dad, step mom, mom and whatever siblings you have (or someone else to be on your “mom’s side) to sit down over a meal and talk about it. I would do this in a public place so if drama begins, someone is more likely to take a bathroom break then to start yelling.

-While out to dinner talk about your wedding plans, 5 year plans, etc… If they think you’re too young too get married, show them you’re not.

-If they’re acting like kids, then switch roles and act like the adults. Don’t play into their drama. You and your fiance just need to stay strong and act as a team. If anything, it will bring you two closer.

-Get advice from your future inlaws. Even if you’re not close with them, they may have been through the same thing or know someone who has. If anything, they’ll appreciate you going to them and seeking advice.

-Just because your dad gave permission to your fiance, doesn’t mean he’s super thrilled, but I’m sure he knows it will make you happy. Perhaps he has his concerns? Find out what those are.

-If your step mom is talking about your fiance not being able to provide for you, then she’s probably said the same thing to your dad. Maybe he feels the same way?

-You know who your parents are. Your step mom knows this. Have you had the step mom speech, “you’re the best step mom I could have asked for, but it’s my parents who are giving me away…” blach blah blah? If not, have the talk together (without others aroud, or just your dad). If all else fails, you can make sure to keep her in her in her place as step mom on your invitations by using your dad and your mom’s name only in regards to who’s giving you away. Make sure not to have this conversation with your mom around because that may start more drama between the two ladies.

-If your mom wants to have a pissing contest with your step mom, let her. It’s just her way of processing. Perhaps encourage her to bring a date? Last resort–Have a bridesmaid keep her occupied on the wedding day.

Just remember that communication is key. Talk (calmly) with everyone. If you want people to stop looking at you like you’re a kid who’s too long to get married, then start acting like it now. They’ll come around eventually.

Good luck!

 

 

Post # 5
Member
7680 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Maybe I’m biased because my parents are divorced and don’t get on at all (because my dad remarried a woman my mum  knows), but I don’t like the “get them all together for lunch” idea. Obviously it depends on the relationship between your parents, but I always keep them apart as much as possible. For my siblings’ wedding, they only needed to be in the same room on the wedding day. There’s no need for them to meet any other time.

So I would simply plan the wedding myself, and keep them informed of when it is and what (if anything) they need to do. At the wedding and reception, seat your mother and father at different tables, and of course your stepmom with your dad.

Do not let your stepmom call herself your mom, because she’s not! The role of mother of the bride belongs to your mom alone. Of course stepmom still has an important position, as the partner of your father.

As for your father’s attittude: you can’t force him to be happy. Just keep him inforrmed of what’s happening, and I’m sure he’ll come around.

Post # 7
Member
1269 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Mountain Man’s kids call me the :bonus parent: hopefully that will be my role when they each mean their beshert as their father did when he met me

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