(Closed) What do I do, I need advice on family holidays (long)

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
4046 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

My advice would be for you to go to your family’s bbq so you can see your extended family. He goes to his family’s event at the lake. He could hitch  ride with family to the lakehouse and you can go up there with him on saturday night, or on sunday, stay for a few hours and come home with him.

I know its not sentimental or romantic, but if you both have events you would like to attend and they take place at the same time, why not each go tp your own thing? then there is no resentment on either side and no one has to give up time with their side of the family. it’s just the 4th, not christmas or valentine’s day or your anniversary.

Post # 4
1955 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Why can’t he attend your family BBQ on Saturday, and then you both drive together to his family friend’s lakehouse for Saturday night and Sunday? 

Post # 5
9952 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Ok, as I see it there are 3 options… if I read the scenario correctly…

1) You BOTH spend time with HIS Family on July 3rd, and then you BOTH spend time with YOUR Family on July 4th

2) You BOTH spend the weekend with HIS Family (BUT… IF you do that you won’t see YOUR Family until the Fall)

3) Or you BOTH spend July 3rd with HIS Family, and then you go seperate ways on July 4th… so as to spend one-on-one time with YOUR OWN Families

Looks like you guys just got married (May 2012), so no doubt this is pretty much the first time this has come up for you… a Holiday Weekend when a choice has to be made.

Personally, I’d say pick Option # 1 or # 2… and this is my reasoning why

As Newlyweds, Family is going to be happy to see you, BUT they are also going to be expecting to see you TOGETHER

So although Option # 3 looks like a statement of “Hey we are very independent people in our right”… it can be a “thorn” for the future (more so if you have kids down the road)

Also, believe it or not, your actions here will be setting a precident for future Holidays

Going with Option # 3, and you may find yourself 20 years from now, spending all the major Holidays apart…

(I can say this because I’m an Encore Bride… who was married 25+ Years the first time, and Family Holidays and Inlaws are a major source of disagreements for couples

Option # 2, is a good one for most Holiday situations… you can 4th of July with one family this year, and next year the other… Christmas 2012 with one, Christmas 2013 with the other (and will no doubt be how things work if you ever move far away from them)

Option # 1, really is the most ideal.  If you are fortunate enough to have both sets of families nearby and can see them both on a Holiday… then all the better

(lol, when you have little kids, it might even become Christmas Eve with one family, and Christmas Day with the other… and then switch it up the next year… you won’t believe how much the grandkids will be in demand by Gramma & Grampa) 

Just my 2 cents, based on years and years of experience !!

Post # 6
134 posts
Blushing bee

As you and your Darling Husband are now a nuclear family, you are both going to have to compromise on how you handle your FOO (family of origin’s) past “traditions”.  You can’t keep them all and keep yourselves happy & sane. If you’re both the first born and first married on both sides, it’s even more difficult to break away from the way it has always been done.  Personally, I would not be happy with a “you go to yours & he goes to his” solution, because I would desperately miss spending that time with my SO. 

So, start your own traditions.   Whether it be splitting the holidays and driving from family to family, or going to your FOO’s 4th of July this year, and his FOO’s Thanksgiving and then switching it around next year – the both of you need to decide.  You could list out all the annual special occasions & holidays, flip a coin and the winner gets first pick this year, and then the other gets second pick, all the way through the list, with the understanding that first pick rotates every year. Whatever you & your Darling Husband can come to a consensus on.

Furthermore, you may want to consider how you intend to handle holidays if/when you have your own children. You may find that there are some holidays you want your kids to be with you, in your home, and your FOO (who is now extended family) can come visit YOU.  My brother and SIL have a 3 year rotation for Christmas.  One year they go to her parents. One year they go to his parents. One year they do as they wish – whether it’s a destination Christmas, or they stay home alone, or if they stay home and host both sets of grandparents and whichever extended family can make it. 

So, YOU don’t have to make the decision alone on where you & Darling Husband will be this July 4th, but both of you need to make a decision on how to set your own traditions.  Good luck!

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