Post # 1
Quick back story, My Fiance has several siblings only one of which he truly gets along with. While we were dating every interaction I had with them was normal, they were very kind, I never had any issues. After we got engaged things took a 180, I’m not exactly sure what happened? But their behaviour towards me was night and day. To this day nobody has congratulated us on our engagment (except for one sister), we’ve been ignored at family events, I got yelled at at Christmas (lol), and when I ask if I’ve done anything wrong everyone says no and acts like they don’t know why I would ask something like that. The whole thing has been extremly baffling.
Today I texted the sibling that my Fiance gets along with and to discuss some things about the wedding (when we got engaged she was the only one who expressed her excitement, and said she would love to help with whatever I needed). She politely told me that she would NOT be attending our wedding and asked me not to text her again.
If the only one who like’s my Fiance is not attending, what happens if the rest don’t? I know my Fiance will be hurt angry and probably embarassed. Has anyone gone through this? What would you do in our position?
Post # 2
If it were me I would be trying to figure out more about what happened and how he feels about his family basically ignoring him. Then I would worry about how it might affect the wedding.
Post # 3
mikkiprat : have you and your Fiance now pushed to find out why they suddenly hate you to the point of shouting at you and refusing to attend the wedding. You don’t seem that concerned, it’s also weird that you have no idea what this could be down to yet it’s serious enough for all of his family to act like this.
Post # 4
bear123 : I’ve tried honestly, they act like IM the crazy one, or I’m starting drama by asking if I’ve done anyting wrong or done anythign particular to bother them.
I can try to ask my Fiance more about how he feels but while he’s not happy about the behavior he’s kind of accepted it. If you’re going to ignore me, I’m going to ignore you type of deal. This is not how my family operates so I’m not use to it, but at this point he is.
Post # 5
zzar45 : I’ve had one on one conversations, well tried to. It usually goes like this; me pulling a sibling aside and asking them if I’ve done something wrong and saying they seem upset with me and them telling me I’m reading too much into things. I’m convinced at this point they think its some sort of game, or their gaslighting me into thinking it’s all in my head but like I said, when we were dating they were kind. After the engagement not so much.
Post # 6
Congratulations btw. Unfortunately they seem to or dont want to care. Whatever it is, it would be best to let them go. I wouldnt even invite them. And the mail copies of pictures . I think from now on i would only contact them by mail. On the bright side u dont have to worry about holidays and whose side of the family you will visit. I bet they are the kind of people who get upset if u dont show up to thanksgiving. Sometimes people will take kindness as weakness. Cut them off. I would
Post # 7
The one who said not to text again… I would probably text her just once more to ask why? After that, I would just leave it alone. I also would cut off anyone who spoke to me like that (why are you having to see them at Christmas, etc?)
Post # 8
It’s you fiancé’s family. Follow his lead on this. Ignore them.
What you are doing now is just fueling thier stupid game.
Post # 9
If you fiancé is not concerned I wouldn’t be either. Something happened at some point but they don’t seem open to discussion about it so I would carry on with my life and let them act like toddlers. FWIW, I have 7 siblings and only 3 of them have ever congratulated us on our engagement or has had any interest in the wedding. I have decided not to let it bother me and to just move on from them. It sounds like your fiancé is trying to do the same.
Post # 10
I feel like the bigger issue at hand is why your FI’s family has suddenly changed their opinion of you or your engagement. Your Fiance needs to have some tough conversations to get to the bottom about this. Beyond not attending your wedding the bigger issue is that you are marrying into a family who is adamantly not in support of you. What went wrong? Clearly something significant. For you to have no clue is indeed baffling.
At this point their dismissal, claiming nothing is wrong won’t really fly if they are declining to attend your wedding. Fiance needs to get to the bottom of this so hopefully there can be resolution.
Post # 11
I think your Fiance needs to be the ones having these conversations with them, not you. Because if they really do have a problem with you, they probably aren’t going to tell you.
And if he doesn’t want to, then follow his lead.
Post # 12
Post # 13
mikkiprat : wait, so your Fiance just accepts their behavior? If that’s the case he knows they’re not going to show up at the wedding. Definitely stop talking to his family. You have tried and failed to mend things. If your Fiance wants to have a relationship with his family then he will be the one to get through to them. Not you.
Post # 14
This is a sad situation, but I don’t think you will be able to fix this on your own.
Make sure to invite plenty of friends of fiance’s to the wedding, so he is surrounded by love.