(Closed) what do I do if my FMIK refuses to pay for SIL's dress?

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 17
Member
1837 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

i don’t think you’re selfish for asking them to pay, but like previous bees have said, if you really want them in the wedding, youmay just have to pay yourself.  your in laws have already told you they aren’t willing to pay for anything, though, so iwould probably go in expecting them to say no.

Post # 18
Member
826 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Your Future In-Laws not contributing towards your wedding is very different than them not paying for their daughter’s dress for your wedding.  They should pay for her Bridesmaid or Best Man dress- they’d have to pay for a dress for her to wear anyway.

Post # 20
Member
164 posts
Blushing bee

@MintTurquoise:  Well asking people to come to a wedding you are asking some people to pay for new dress clothes, should that mean you pay for all your guests clothes too?  Sorry I know that is a stupid scenario!  But if someone asked my daughter (when she was 13) to be in their wedding, my FIRST question would be who’s paying for the dress.  Unfortunately, she may refuse and then you have to choose for her not to be in the wedding or you will have to pay.

My daughter’s Future Mother-In-Law also said they would not pay because it is “traditional” for the bride’s parents to pay. Frown

Post # 21
Member
1163 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@MintTurquoise:  I would be interested to see if your future in-laws woul dhav epaid for her dress/outfit had she not been a member of the bridal party. If they would have paid for her outfit, then this should be no different IN MY OPINION.

Can you work with what her sister already has in her closet? Don’t know what your colours are but if she has a solid colour dress, you can include a sash or a shawl in your wedding colours.  It is to a lesser extend, but due to her age, she can get away with not looking exactly like the other girls. Or, can you suggest to your Mother-In-Law to split the cost of SIL’s dress?

Post # 22
Member
12320 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

 

If they are so traditional, they may very well expect to pay  for the sister’s dress.  What did Future Mother-In-Law actually say that made you think otherwise?  

Any time you expect people  to lay out money they do, however, deserve plenty of notice. It’s  also considered polite to consult the BMs  as to both style and cost.

Post # 23
Member
70 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

If they are using “tradition” as their excuse for not contributing to the wedding, then they should be paying for your rehearsal dinner and honeymoon; as that is the “tradition.”  You should remind them of that and see how they react. I’m sorry, but your Future In-Laws don’t seem to be very nice people. And they should DEFINITELY pay for their 13 year old daughter’s dress. Unfortunately, they may refuse so it may be up to you. I know they’re not required to contribute, and many ILs don’t, but they seem to have an unnecessarily negative attitude towards your wedding. 

Post # 24
Member
838 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2008

I’m sorry, but before I spent money on 2 adults’ bridesmaids dresses, I’d buy the 13 year old a dress. It’s about prioritization here. One girl is old enough to have babies, and you’re paying for her dress. One girl is old enough to be in college. Let her buy her own dress. They’re ADULTS and not even related to either of you. This is a little girl and she shouldn’t be penalized for the foolishness of the adults around her. 

If your fiance doesn’t come up with the money for that little girl’s dress, that would speak VOLUMES about him (TO ME).

Post # 25
Member
564 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Nothing against you, OP – just wanted to leave a related note for B2Bs.

If you ask a minor to be in your wedding, discuss all costs with their parents FIRST/upfront. That way there aren’t any surprises or uncertainties when it comes to items such as dress/suit, shoes, hair/makeup, etc.

Post # 27
Member
5659 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

There’s a HUGE difference IMO between them contributing costs towards your wedding, and paying for a minor’s bridesmaid dress. And if she’s going by tradition, then she should know BM’s typically pay for their own dresses (at least in the US). If you’re concerned that she doesn’t know this you might drop a hint somehow. “I can’t wait to go dress shopping, I’d really  like to try and findsomething under 100.00 to keep the dress affordable for everyone”. If she responds negatively about paying for her daughters dress you can let her know that all bm’s are paying for their own dresses and that is normal. 

If that isn’t going to work, it would make more sense to me to contribute to dresses for your minors than to the adult BM’s….

Post # 28
Member
2486 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@Olivepepper:  +1

Did you discuss her being a Bridesmaid or Best Man with them? I asked all my Jr Bridesmaid or Best Man parents first

 

Post # 29
Member
838 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2008

and for the record OP, my husband and I paid for the attire for ALL the minor children involved in our wedding without the expectation of being paid back. Each one of the minors had a parent that was also in the wedding and in my SIL’s case, she had 4 daughters in the wedding and still had to pay for a Bridesmaid or Best Man dress of her own (her husband, who was going to be a groomsman was called to be out of town on business at the last minute and he would have paid to rent his own tux). THIS would have been INFINITELY more important to me than to pay for (or help pay for) my MOH’s dress and we have been friends for some 30 years. 

Your friends, if they are mature adults would hear “you know what? We’ve discovered we’re going to have to pay for FI’s little sister’s dress and since funds are tight, we can’t afford to buy yours like we had planned” and said… ABSOLUTELY, no problem! I’ll find the money elsewhere. Let them borrow it. Let them call THEIR parents. Let the new mom call her baby daddy. A new semester is about to start, tell the college student to use some of that financial aid check. 

Post # 30
Member
1003 posts
Bumble bee

Just a side-note, be very careful about paying for some of the two dresses and not the others.  DH was in a wedding where the bride & groom decided to help pay for some of the tux rentals but not others and it upset a lot of people.  

With regards to SIL’s dress, all you can do is ask.  I would think they’d assume they’d be paying since it’s there minor daughter.

Post # 31
Member
1876 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

This is ridiculous. Not contributing towards the wedding and not paying for FSIL’s dress are two totally different issues. Of course Future In-Laws should pay for the 13 yr olds dress. She would nee dsomething to wear to the wedding regardless, right? I would assume that they already assumed they will pay for this, as it is NOT the same thing as contributed towards the wedding. But yes, I would invite Future Mother-In-Law to come along dress shopping and let her know ahead of time that the deposit will be needed. 

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