Post # 1
I have a strange etiquette question.
We just finished our thank you notes (our wedding was amazing! Hooray!!!) and realized that we didn’t receive gifts or cards from three peope who were likely gift givers.
I want to be clear – we did a honeymoon fund and it is TOTALLY OK with us for people to not give us gifts. It’s more that if they gave a gift – and the website didn’t work or the gift was misplaced at our venue or something – then they won’t be getting a thank you note from us and that seems awful.
There were a few people who didn’t give gifts but they gave a card, and so that was a signal to us not to worry that we missed something. But these three established couples are very, very old friends – and no card at all seems kinda weird and unlikely.
Unfortunately, they all live far away and not near any of our other friends so we can’t have someone casually ask them. What should we do?? And if we word an email, how should we do that???
Post # 3
@jennifer.vanasco: I would send a simple “Thank you for sharing our special day with us”.
Post # 4
@MrsHart2Bee: This, exactly. Send the note anyway, just thank them for coming!
Post # 5
That happened to us. I just wrote a card saying “We really appreciate that you were able to spend our special day with us. Thank you for coming.” or something along those lines. If they did happen to give a gift/card, they might call you up and ask if you got it, since you didn’t mention it in your thank you card.
Post # 6
@MrsHart2Bee: Yes. I plan on (trying) to make sure I know everyone who was there and sending them a thank you card regardless of gift thanking them for taking time out to share our day with us.
Post # 7
Agree with pp. If you ask, you are putting both of you in a potentially awkward situation.
Post # 8
You don’t do anything.
It is not considered polite to send a thanks for coming, as it can be seen as fishing for gifts.
You don’t thank people for coming to your event. Your reception was the thank you. They should be thanking you for a lovely evening.
If they don’t hear anything they may follow up with you.
Post # 9
I agree…nix the asking and just send a thank you note thanking them for coming. If they see that you didn’t thank them for a gift and they got you one, they’ll make sure that they contact you about it somehow!
Post # 10
@andielovesj: I’m a little confused…how does sending a thank you for coming note fish for gifts exactly? There is no mention of a gift in the thank you? This just seems silly to me.
Post # 11
You should definately send them a note for attending. If you don’t mention a gift and they gave one, they will be sure to call. As a general rule we gave all people a thank you who came because the took the time and made the trip.
Post # 12
Technically your reception is thanks for coming, and you don’t need to send an official “Thank you for coming” card. In fact, if they did get a gift that you didn’t receive then NOT sending a card would give them the opportunity to ask you about it, so it could come to light.
Post # 13
@andielovesj: I wouldn’t see that as “gift fishing” at ALL. I’d be WAAAAY more inclined to follow up after getting a thank you card than to just randomly call a friend and be like “sooo…we didnt get a thank you card from you! whats the deal?” Thats infinitely more awkward!
Post # 14
@2PeasinaPod: Since a thank you note is not traditionally sent for coming TO and event, it can be seen as a thinly veiled attempt at following up on a gift.
Like thanks for coming out (for which I have already thanked you for coming, with a meal, and drinks) now where’s my gift.
I get that most people aren’t fishing for gifts. But that doesn’t mean that people don’t mis understand ALL the time.
Post # 15
@mandypop: Agreed! I’d rather send them a thank you for coming card than have those people think I’m rude for not sending a thank you at all!
Post # 16
- Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort
@andielovesj: I agree. Do not send a thank you for coming. You’ve already thanked them for coming with food, drink, and fun. You just wait. Plus, it’s still REALLY early. I just got a gift 2 weeks ago for our March 3 wedding.