(Closed) What do I do??–Long Rant

posted 9 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
4466 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

How much longer are you going to be living with FI’s parents?  Is this a temporary situation until you get married…?

I think you and Fiance need to sit down together with your Future Mother-In-Law and discuss boundaries.  Yes, you’re living “under her roof” but you are grown adults and she shouldn’t be coming in your room and taking laundry and such.  My mom didn’t even do that when I was a teenager. 

Just sit down with Fiance and go over what you need to discuss with Future Mother-In-Law.  Make a list so that you stay on track when you talk to her.  Then sit down TOGETHER with her and discuss.

Good luck :o)

Post # 4
Member
6597 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

What does the Fiance say about the situation?

I would talk to him and see what he thinks and hopefully you can sit down with the in-laws and make your room off limits to them! You will clean it, you will do your own laundry etc.

Good Luck

Post # 5
Member
613 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

i dont want to hurt your feelings, but her house, her rules. of course she treats you guys like little kids, you still live with your mom.

she seems very nosey and overbearing so i definitely understand your frustration.  when is your timeline to move?  it you only plan to be there for 2 or 3 more months, think positive and try to develop some hobbies to keep you out of the house.  if you plan to stay more like a year or 2, maybe get a part time job so you can make the move more quickly.

Post # 7
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

No matter what, she should stay out of your room. What you do in there is YOUR business. I’d be livid if she touched my clothes, too! I can’t put anything in the dryer or they all shrink and don’t fit. Then, a pair of pants is compeltely ruined b/c i’m too tall to pull them off or restretch them.

I think you guys need to talk about boundaries. A grown woman shouldn’t be coming in to YOUR guys’ room to do your laundry. I mean, what if you had something “ahem” adult laying around?

If you can’t handle living with her, try the new “Rules” for a couple of months. Set a timeline with your FI–if it doesn’t pan out within 2 months you must move out, etc, and do your darndest to try to get on your own feet. Parents don’t treat their kids like adults if they live at home  ultimately.

Post # 8
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Wow 3.5 hours of driving A DAY?! You guys need to find a home, stat. GOod luck

Post # 9
Member
4466 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Yeah, when talking to her, just reiterate that this is a temporary situation and hopefully you all can agree on a way to live together more comfortably and agreeably until you find your house. 

Post # 10
Member
3979 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

She shouldn’t have gone in your room… what was she looking for exactly when she went in there? Hmm. Your Fiance should talk to her about not going in your bedroom– especially when you aren’t there. You need some sort of privacy. If he won’t talk to her & you aren’t comfortable, would it be possible to put a lock on your door or would that just cause upset??

Post # 11
Member
7174 posts
Busy Beekeeper

You definitely need to talk to her about the laundry business.  That would be a huge breaking point for me too.  BE NICE about it, though – no matter HOW much it kills you.  Tell her thank you for her thoughtfulness in taking care of the laundry, but you’d prefer to do your own laundry (you can even mention how you have special care items that need to be handled differently so they don’t shrink!!)

About the inquisition – that’s just the mother in her.  As ANNOYING as it is, answer he questions – or just offer up the information so you don’t have to get all the questions, and keep repeating to yourself that it’s just temporary.  I don’t think this is a violation of boundaries – even though I know it feels that way.

In the meantime, see if there is ANYTHING you can do about moving out – even renting a small studio, anything!!

Post # 12
Member
484 posts
Helper bee

Oh hun, I know exactly what you are going through! Right down to the washing and shrinking of clothes. I had to live with my fiance’s family when I first moved to where he lives and it was not good. I love his family but it was not a good thing to be living with them. In addition to the clothes issue, they are a very ‘open’ family. For example, my fiances brother walked in on me getting dressed one day. And his parents don’t have a bedroom door – so let’s just say I saw a LOT of them.

My fiance and I’s relationship was very strained while we were living there. I was not a happy person, there were many tears shed. Even though my fiance didn’t fully understand, he did tell his mom to steer clear of my clothes. She was only trying to help (which I’m sure your Mother-In-Law is doing too) but it was killing me. I don’t let anyone touch my clothes. Do you think your fiance could talk to her? 

Even if the family isn’t all up in your business, it is HARD living with someone elses parents. I wish you the best and hope you find a house SOON!

Post # 13
Member
7053 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I agree with the statement that it’s her house and her rules, but she should let your living space have some privacy.

Just say to yourself “think of the $$ I’m saving” when you get really frustrated!  That is a good thing you know.

Post # 14
Member
49 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I have a friend in the same situation, they are living with his parents until their house is built. She says its very frustrating to lose your sense of space and privacy like that and it causes a lot of arguments with her husband. However, she said that they talked with his parents and decided that “their room” while living with his parents would be their own personal space and neither his mother or father could enter it.

Maybe you could discuss something like that and at least give yourself something that is “yours” for now and enable you to have some privacy.

Post # 15
Member
1080 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

I completely understand where you are comign from. My Future Mother-In-Law is exactaly the same way with my Fiance. We recently bought a house and she is constantly comig over and making “comments” about everything we do/don’t do. She is completely overbearing. I’m sure that if we lived in their house I would be spending as much time as possible at work. hang in there!

The topic ‘What do I do??–Long Rant’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors