(Closed) What do I do? My bridesmaid called me and cursed me out for no reason!

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: How to deal with the situation?
    Talk to her and let her know the friendship is over and her bridesmaid duties : (44 votes)
    49 %
    Leave it be and let her live with what she said : (37 votes)
    41 %
    Call her to work it out and keep her in the wedding : (9 votes)
    10 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    7673 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I would not reply at all, and let the boys sort it out.

    If and when the guys make up and the guy decides he still wants to be best man, you can formally discuss how she is invited to the wedding but not a bridesmaid. For now, she has resigned from the bridal party herself so there is no need to say anything more. I can’t help feeling that any response at all will just inflame things. (If she sent a full apology a response would be appropriate, but she hasn’t).

    Post # 5
    Member
    917 posts
    Busy bee

    @livingthelifemommyandwife:  wait a few days, if possible and perhaps the guys will talk about their friendship separately and whether your husband still wants this guy to be his best man. 

     

    As for her, if you no longer want to maintain a friendship with her, I don’t think you have to come right out and say it, just distance yourself from her. Remove her from the bridesmaid group, and if she approaches you to ask why, then state that you no longer want her as part of your bridal party because you are no longer friends. 

     

    Im sorry you’re going through this, it kinda sounds like she was venting some frustration out on you and your husband or just likes stirring drama. Either way it’s not your lose, it’s hers.

    Post # 6
    Member
    1159 posts
    Bumble bee

    Did your husband really have to call her after seeing the messages? I personally think that phone call was looking for trouble. If she is one of your bestfriends, she probably had your best interests at heart when texting you about price but just didn’t go about it the right way.

    I picked option 2..

     

    Post # 7
    Member
    4495 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    Good grief! Well I would let the guys get over it first. Men don’t tend to be as dramatic and stew over things like women do, so most likely they’ll be best friends again after a few days. Then I would just tell her, “I’m sorry but I think its best if you weren’t in the wedding.” She’ll probably flip out again, but oh well. From there I wouldn’t make it a point to say, “we aren’t friends anymore,” I would just not hang out with her and like a PP stated, distance yourself. That may be difficult if you typically do things as a couple with them since your Fiance is BFFs with the guy, but I don’t see how else you could avoid hanging out with her without messing with the guys’ relationship.

     

    Post # 8
    Member
    443 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    @sharontobemarried:  That’s exactly what I was thinking.

    I’m all for your man trying to stand up for you, but did he really have to call her to put her in her place? That just seems unneccesary. 

    Post # 9
    Member
    927 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    I’d tell her you think it’s best that she not be a bridesmaid, because the wedding is causing stress in your relationship. Then I’d keep my distance from her. If you outright say “I don’t want you in my wedding, this friendship is over” then that will definitely damage your FI’s friendship with his best man.

    Post # 10
    Member
    2269 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I think I’m a little confused…

     

    Your husband mentioned the budget.

     

    This made her angry so she texted you.

     

    Then he called her and said that she made him look bad?

     

    I think I’m missing something everyone else got.

     

    Why is she upset about your budget? It’s not like she’s paying.
     

     

    Post # 11
    Member
    502 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I’m confused, you keep mentioning your husband but you’re planning a wedding?

    Post # 12
    Member
    1177 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @Vikstar:  +1 I’m so confused too.

    If you remove her from your wedding party (but you’re already married?), that’s going to be a serious blow to the friendship between the two men. Not saying I wouldn’t do it, but just be prepared.

     

    Post # 13
    Member
    110 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    @Chrysoberyl:  I’m kind of confused too… a few PP’s are saying the husband shouldn’t have called the friend… but why is it OK for the friend to call and complain, or rant (which is sounds like she did) or even mention the budget at all? It’s none of her dang business where the OP and her Fiance (husband?) plan to spend their money.

    I am 100% on board with the husband calling the friend. And the friend is obviously imbalanced. lol. 

    Post # 14
    Member
    11233 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013

    @Chrysoberyl:  This,

    WTF is your husband/fiance doing talking to other people about your budget? What business is it of hers what you’re spending? And what the fuck is everyone’s problem?

    Post # 15
    Member
    8444 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2013

    @Chrysoberyl:  +1, I feel like I’m definitely missing something.

    Post # 16
    Member
    729 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    This is a REALLY bizarre situation and I’m a little unclear on your husband’s motivation in all this. Do you know how he reacted to the phone convo he had with her? Not that any reaction on his part would justify her reaction to you, but if he got heated with her, it would at least make a little more sense to me.

    In any case, I would follow a lot of the advice here. Don’t say “the friendship is over,” because that’s overly dramatic/hurtful and probably not very productive, but do wait a couple of days and then make it clear that you think it is best that she not be your bridesmaid anymore. 

    This is a super awkward situation for your husband and his bff, too, because his bff is not going to want to hear about what a psycho his wife is, but there’s really no way to explain the situation without sharing that info. I’m not really sure how to handle that situation, frankly.

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