(Closed) What do I do NOW?!

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
13 posts
  • Wedding: October 2010

You do NOT need to invite them. Remember this is your wedding 🙂 Those women seem like wonderful and generous women and have shown their care and excitement for your wedding by coming to celebrate with you at your shower… it gave them an opportunity to join in the celebration … but no… you are not obligated in any way to invite them.

This is the one and probably only time in your life when you get to make all the decisions 🙂 Take advantage while you still can!!

Post # 4
1371 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Hmmm, this is tough.  How many people did they invite, is it possible to invite them to the wedding too?  I would definitely start communicating with your family members about who is and is not invited to the wedding.  Are they helping to fund the wedding?

Post # 5
321 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011 - Anthony’s Fine Dining

Okay, first of all that is MESSED UP!  I would be really frustrated too!  That totally seems like something my mom would do haha…she’s much more laid back than I am (I can see it now…”who cares?  so they won’t come to the wedding!  whatever!”)

It is incredibly inappropriate that they invited people without okay-ing it with you first, but to question your choice in not inviting them is just unreal!  Normally, I would say that you are obligated to invite anyone who attends a shower.  But in this case, I think you can make an exception.  The hostesses made a mistake this time, but YOU are the hostess at your wedding.  And the good news is, it’s right around the corner so you can always use that as your excuse 🙂

Post # 6
94 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Several women are invited to my wedding shower that are not invited to the wedding and I honestly never saw this as an issue.  They are ladies I know or work with (but not friend friends), but they wanted to come to the shower, so they are.

Post # 7
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I agree with Brianalaura.  How many ladies are we talking about?  I would say if it is that many and you can fit it in the budget then go ahead and save yourself from any future headaches and invite them.  also print copies of the invite list off for your parents and go over it with them. 

Post # 10
1371 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

GAH!  That’s crazy!  Well, you could chalk it up to the generational gap.  I know my mom said that when she got married (’73), there were a bunch of ladies invited to her shower and not to the wedding.  It was ladies like wulfin said – co-workers and so on.  Do you think they would freak out if they weren’t invited?

Post # 12
640 posts
Busy bee

One of my fmil’s friends offered to throw us a shower. This guest is not invited to the weddign and fmil knows that, but accepted the offer anyways and then told me I had to had this friend to our list! Then a few weeks later she told me I had to had fsil’s boyfriend to the list (they are 18, been dating about a year, still in HS). UGH I hate when people do this & they know you have a limited number of guests that can come!


Post # 13
5263 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2012

Definitely a generational gap. This happened to my poor Future Sister-In-Law, and I am rather afraid it will happen to me. Future Mother-In-Law wanted absolutely all of her work friends and other friends there. My mom did the same thing at my graduation party (there were more of her friends there than my own!)  – I think they want to show you off, but obviously most of us aren’t having 350 people weddings, and can’t invite every single one of our parents’ and FILs’ friends. 

It’s an etiquette faux pas, but one that you might have to live with. I don’t know what to do about it because every time I say that I feel badly that they won’t be invited to the wedding, the response is, “oh, they don’t care! they just want to see you and wish you well.” 

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