(Closed) What do i do now?

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2398 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

This is a hard situation but if I were in your shoes and I am speaking for my relationship, I would go anywhere my Darling Husband wanted me to go to.  He could move to another country and I would be right by his side.  

So maybe you not wanting to leaving is your way of being ok with it being the end, could that be the case?

Post # 4
Member
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I think that if you are engaged to him, you should accept that each of you will have to sacrafice to make the relationship work. For him, this job opens up a whole new world for him. And it means moving to a new location that he would enjoy. For you, staying means being a big fish in a little pound for awhile longer. 

It’s a difficult decision, but if it were me, I’d do it. You say you have a specialized job, so I would do a bunch of research to see what is open for you out there. I would also ask about moving to a suburb if a city is going to make you uncomfortable. Try to compromise out of love. And if anything, you can always go back home. That small town will alway be there, but the love of your life may not be. He may be moving onwards. 

Post # 6
Member
340 posts
Helper bee

So many variables matter. If you are older and you love him and want kids one day then I would go with him to the big city. If you have a technical job in a small city I am sure you can find a similar job in a big city and if you have to change careers it may be character building. It all depends on how much you love him and if you think you could find another man like him. It is pretty selfish of him to not think of your wants and needs in my opinion. If his job makes considerably more money then it makes sense why he is moving to a bigger city so that you two can have a better life together. Just do what makes you most happy. If it is him, then go if not then stay. 

Post # 7
Member
133 posts
Blushing bee

@foreignbride No, I don’t think so. Would it be completely unfathomable for you to look for a job out where he is while continuing to work and live where you currently are?

Post # 9
Member
745 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Did you discuss it before he accepted the job? I agree with others that I’d likely relocate with my fiance if he found a job somwhere else and wanted to move. BUT neither of us would make that sort of decision without a lot of discussion and agreement from both of us. 

It does boil down to deciding if you want to still be with him, even in another city, and if you are okay with giving up your job and life in the place you live now.

Post # 11
Member
2398 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Where are you moving to? What is it that you do for a living? 

Post # 12
Member
2398 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@foreignbride:  What is it that you do for a living? 

Post # 13
Member
963 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Moving is scary! Especially when you’re the one leaving everything else behind. It’s totally normal to be worried right now. However, instead of thinking of all the bad things that could happen, focus on the positives (FI’s strong career, meeting new people, gaining new experience, may really love it there, may find an even better job).

Post # 15
Member
2398 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I am sure that if you find a new job and maybe join a gym or take a class here and there you will meet new poeple. 

But you have to be certain that you want to do this because you love him and want to spend the rest of your life with him and not something you are forced to do. 

Post # 16
Member
963 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@foreignbride:  Maybe you could go for a visit before you actually move. Do you think that would help? It would give you a chance to see the new city and experience some its culture, but still be able to go back home, so you wouldn’t have to deal with all the change at once.

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