Post # 1
My wedding was cancelled two days ago by my ex- fiance and he said it was “not up for discussion”. We have been together 2.5 years and were supposed to get married in less than four months. Basically I wasn’t meeting his standards and he said it was too late to change and if I want to be with him it’s going to be under his terms. I’m sorry but I’m not going to change myself for anyone but myself. I think he expects me to come begging for him to take me back (even though I didn’t do anything wrong!) Id’m losing about $2,500 on wedding stuff and my ex owes me $1k that I let him borrow. I should have kept the ring for collateral. Stupid me.
I don’t know where to go from here. I still love him, but after all the hurtful things he said to me I can’t see myself going back to him. I thought I was fine being alone, but now that I know I really am alone it kind of sucks.
Post # 3
Of course it sucks! But you were right, you will be fine being alone- it’ll just take some time. Whomever was going to stand up for you, should still be standing up for you- albeit in a much different way. You need them, let them be there for you.
Post # 4
Im so sorry to hear this for you. Whatever wedding stuff you have , try and sell it and make some of your money back. As far as what he owes you, do what you can to get that back as well……HUGS
Post # 5
Don’t go back! He sounds like a total ass. Someone who cancels a wedding, for not a great reason, he asked you to marry him the way you are and expecting you to change now is well…stupid. Stand your ground. The money you lose isn’t as much as what you would suffer and lose in a divorce.
Post # 6
Thankfully this got worked out before a marriage, which would have been a mess!
I’m sorry you are going through this! Keep your head up and stay strong. Things will work out financially and your ex Fiance will reap what he has sewn.
Post # 7
I’m really sorry your ex is such a jerk. It does suck to be alone, but you will be FAR better off in the long run. You are right, you deserve to be with someone who accepts you for who you are, not try to change you. What a loser that guy is. There is someone out there for you, who will love everything about you, and not want to change or mold you into a person they want you to be. Kudos to you for being brave enough to tell him to “suck it” so to speak. Time will pass, and this will be just another jerk in the past.
I would probably call him though, and just tell him you want your money back. Did he lose any money for the wedding also? If not, ask him if he would reimburse you for some of the lost money. He kind of should.
Goodluck, and take care!!!!
Post # 8
“Not up for discussion” ? Does he think you are a toddler or something? I think you are doing 100% the right thing. Is the money he owes you something that small claims court can deal with?
Post # 9
fyi, if he called it off, and you didn’t cheat or anything like that, YOU get to keep the ring.
Post # 10
This is what you do now
1) You remind yourself that we all have faults and we all can work to be better, that includes that ex of yours, and you do not need him to be happy.
2) You surround yourself with friends and family that supports you.
3) You wallow and curl up on the couch for the weekend and watch movies and drink wine
4) Next week you start doing what YOU want to do with your time. Join a new club, go out with friends, work on a project
5) Attempt to sell what you can to recoup some of your money that you have spent. Try craigslist, ebay, weddingbee classifieds etc.
6) remind yourself that any money you may not get back is OK, because you got of cheap. You would have been more financially invested as well as legally and emotionally invested if you had gotten married and had to divorce.
Post # 11
Be glad that this wedding is cancelled (even though it sucks and I am sorry about that). Let the money be lost if you’re not up for a fight, and just be thankful you can start moving on with your life… every step you take, you are one step closer to the right person. Best wishes & sorry again.
Post # 12
@Mrs. Meowerson: Actually, in most states, if the wedding has not taken place, the ring has to be given back, no matter who called it off. It’s called a “conditional gift.”
Post # 13
Sorry, but he sounds like an ASS. You will look back on this one day and thank your lucky stars you did not marry him. There is an amazing man out there for you…you just haven’t found him yet! ((hugs))
Post # 14
@rubyred605: according to that, only 8 states follow that rule though.
Post # 15
@ShesElectric: Yeah. By that he meant that I had no say in whether or not the wedding was off.
@rubyred605: I live in Texas. We don’t have any rules about it. I was so mad that I just gave it to him.
@Cash000: He lost $240 dollars. He hadn’t had to spend any of his money yet. He can also sell the ring and get a lot of that money back. I’ve already told him he has to pay me back for half of what I spent plus the money I loaned him.
It’s going to be really awkward at church on Sundays. We go to a pretty small church. We were also in the same bible study group so now I’m going to have to find another one because he was one of the discussion leaders. It sucks because I really liked all the people.
Thanks for all the kind words.
Post # 16
In your post you asked – What do I do now? Be good to yourself, be good to others and exercise. Went through an ugly divorce and in my divorce recovery class that is the advice (in a nut shell) they gave us. Allow your self to do things you could never do with him. I love to dance, the ex didn’t. I took dance lesson and loved it!! Be good to others, this sounds kind of stange but if you are feeling bad being around other who are in worse shape helps, it makes you have purpose and feel needed. I voluneered at a food bank and a home for hanidcapped people. Exercise, you don’t need to start lifting weights (unless you want to) but just a walk in the evenings after work helps. Excerise helps the brain release the endorfins that tell us we are happy. The pain of a break up will go away eventually, but a bad marriage is hard to live with. Be strong and know that people care. You are going to be fine!!!