Post # 1
I just heard from my sister that her husband has been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. In fact, he was diagnosed last November. I feel awful for her and I feel bad because we have been…well, distant doesn’t cover it. Our relationship (me and sis) has been near non-existent for the past 15 years. We had had some fights, many of them were about her husband, who I have never liked. There’s more to it than that, but I’ll leave it there.
Just recently (within the last 3 months) I have decided that nothing I was still mad at her/them about was important enough to stay distant from her. We live in the same state and haven’t seen each other since the last family funeral, 5 years ago! We have had warm communications lately via email and cards, and today was the first time in 5 years that we have spoken on the phone! I recently had a heart scare so that was another reason she called. (I’m fine, but Boyfriend or Best Friend wants me to get on his insurance soon…meaning getting married sooner than we’d planned.)
What I’m wondering is how should I procede about our wedding? I want my sister to be there and I know it will involve out of town travel for her (which she is in charge of now since he doesn’t drive out of town anymore) and should we move up the wedding? I need to talk to Boyfriend or Best Friend about this obviously, but….I would love some feedback from you bees. Blessings.
Post # 3
I would really appreciate some ideas from y’all…thanks in advance! We are wondering what we can do to help them.
Post # 4
How bad is his Alzeheimers? Is it just starting? I don’t really know much about treatments but do you think that keeping him engaged and active will help his mind continue to work? I hope that everything turns out ok.
Post # 5
He can still drive around town during the day. Things have changed for my sister though because she is now in charge of everything. She works fulltime and he is retired.
Post # 6
I’m so sorry. I’ve spent a few nights sick with worry and grief during our wedding planning as a result of my grandfather’s recent Alzheimer’s diagnosis, so I get the feeling of panic that this can inspire. There are so many questions. Will he be healthy enough to attend the wedding? If not, will your sister have anyone to take care of him if she decides to attend without him? Would it be appropriate to move the wedding sooner, or is his health in a state where that wouldn’t make any difference?
Due to some complicating health factors, my grandmother made the very difficult and wise decision to sell the beautiful home that she and my grandfather had planned to spend the rest of their life in, and move them hundreds of miles to a fantastic retirement village with a first-class dementia center near my aunt and uncle. It breaks my heart to think of her having to live in a separate apartment from him after sixty years of marriage, but he will be well taken care of and she will be enabled to travel to our wedding without him if she decides to do so.
Unfortunately, most of this situation is out of your hands. Your sister will know whether it’s possible for her husband to travel, and whether it’s possible for her to travel without him. Talk to her and get her opinion. Whatever happens, it’s wonderful that you’re patching your relationship and providing her with another supportive voice during this incredibly difficult time. Don’t mention your past issues with her husband, what’s important is that you’re there for her now.
Post # 7
I wouldn’t dream of mentioning the past issues with her husband. Oddly, I had decided in recent months that they didn’t matter anymore! I am concerned about her and feel a sense of urgency to further reconcile with her, and really want her to be part of my wedding. Boyfriend or Best Friend and I will talk more about it tonight. Thanks, gals.