What do I do with this envious friend (who I also feel sorry for)

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
21 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2011

If that is how you think of her maybe you shuold not rekindle your friendship.

Post # 4
Member
1141 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

She sounds fine to me and I didn’t see where jealousy came in anywhere, but I didn’t feel she was being offensive. Your joking back about her feeling on marriage seemed a good enough approach to me. So she doesn’t believe in marriage, that wouldn’t be a big deal to me!

Post # 5
Member
1813 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

The woman just got divorced – of course she’s going to be a bit put off from marriage for a while.  Honestly I think you’re over-analyzing things.

Post # 7
Member
443 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@Isa:  

@bricon:  

@Cariad:

All of this…

I think you’re being over sensitive and over analyzing what she’s saying… I really would just take her comment at face value…

Post # 9
Member
443 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@bridepower:  You havent been friends wth her for 10 years. People’s attitudes and beliefs can change. Yes, she’s hurting from a divorce and probably from all the other stuff that has happened to her and that might be what is feeding her comments, but she’s also competitive and always has been (according to you). You’re probably not going to be able to get rid of her competitive streak no matter what you do…

All I want now is to put aside a jealous/competitive past and behavior, on both our parts.  I just want to treat her with love.

You need more than one person to have a competition… and until you decide not to assume everything she says is part of a competition whatever she says is going to hurt you and then she will always win (the face value from above).

*I’m sorry if the above sounds harsh

I also think that since you havent really had much of a friendship with this girl in a while there’s no point in really investing in it. Sure, it’s great to rekindle old friendships… but not if it’s going to hurt you… You’ve gotten on with your life without her for years. You need to decide if the competitive drama is worth it.

Post # 13
Member
391 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

Or do you just WANT her to be jealous of you.. so you are finding reasons to think it?

Post # 14
Member
8369 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@MIBEETOWED:  What she said.

I was left with an overwhelming sense of WOW OP is harsh/doesn’t like not being the centre of attention when I read your post OP. Nothing your friend said indicated competitiveness or jealousy. If she was competitive she would run out and get married and show off her awesome perfect marriage and if she was jealous she would be putting you and your marriage down not marriage in general.

You old friend is obviously jaded with the world (failed marriage, death of a partner, death of family) and any wonder! She has had a lot to deal with int he last 10 years and it has probably changed her view of the world.

Post # 15
Member
1468 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

@bridepower:  I understand your situation and can definitely relate. I have a former best friend that is similar…has no luck with relationships, and is always negative, pretty much about everything. When she or I reach out to keep in touch (even though we’re not close we try to be cordial associates) I feel like she makes a point to disagree with me or tell me things about her life or beliefs that she knows I wouldn’t agree with. I don’t know if she does it consciously or if this is just who she is, but either way I keep her at arms length because I don’t need the irritation or drama. At this point in our lives we’re so different, and our outlooks on life are so different, that it’s not worth trying to force a real friendship. I don’t feel as if she could ever truly be happy for me, and honestly me for her. The history there just won’t allow it.

You’re probably not imagining the behavior or the [jealous] motives behind her remarks. I just wouldn’t get too close to her or tell her much about your personal life. Sounds like she’d be a “Debbie Downer” anyway. She’s seems jaded and cynical, and she may not be able to help it.

Good luck.

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