- 6 years ago
- Wedding: August 2010
I was a regular Bee; this is the best wedding site I have ever come across.
Had my wedding almost 2 years ago. We are very, very happy. A couple of posts I wrote a couple of years ago were about jealous bridesmaids. Fortunately things got, kind of, worked out. These were old high school friends.
Now, I am about to rekindle an old friendship, also an old high school friend (I’m in my late thirties). I’ve had my doubts about it, as I’m sure she has had. She’s got her strengths; which is why I’m giving her a shot. I haven’t seen her in about 12 years. It’s a looooong story. I felt she was not treating me right. The last straw was that she was marrying a mafia guy (so not her type and others didn’t approve either), I said I didn’t approve, wouldn’t come to her wedding, but really it was more b/c I didn’t want to be friends anymore in general.
Really wrong and immature of me, I know. Very much regretted and in our re-establishing contact, I told her so and apologized and apologized.
I discovered in our contact she got divorced, later had a great relationship, sounds like they were really in love– then he got killed, I think in an accident. She also lost her brother in a fire, and her father died too (though I think that was of old age). This all happened during the last ten years while we were not friends.
We so far have only communicated through email and on FB joking with each other. That was in the Fall. Now we are finally about to see each other for the first time (this is May).
During our friendship she had a little bit of a tendency to put me down, but only sometimes. There were more pros than cons to the friendship so I stayed friends with her a while, and that is why I have contacted her to try to re-establish a friendship.
Anyway, here are some of the things she has said since we started emailing and FB-ing. You tell me; I could use some guidance.
In our first emails, she said the following to me: “I heard you got married and I wanted to congratulate you. I got divorced and wanted you to congratulate me.” She started talking a little about her ex-spouse a teeny bit and told me I had been right about him. She said that she didn’t really care about a wedding or marriage, she just thought she’d give it a shot. Now, I don’t think it’s true that she doesn’t care about a wedding or marriage b/c I specifically remember, when we were young, making hints about how great marriage/weddings/commitment was. I think she was just saying this (“I don’t care”) b/c she felt jealous toward my “success” (marriage) and didn’t want me to think I was more successful. (We both can be a little jealous and competitive).
In another email she discussed that she had not been mad at me for not wanting to come to her wedding…she said it would not have been a big deal. She said, “It’s always been a mystery to me how people place so much importance on it” (meaning marriage). She knows how happy I am with my husband; I know people have probably told her.
Anyway, that was that. But a few days ago she wrote a FB post sticking up for gay marriage; I “liked” it and wrote a comment supporting her. At one point she wrote, “I’m not a fan of marriage…I think it’s pointless (for me, no offense to anybody here ok)” And something about gay people having the right to be as miserable as other married people (some sort of famous quote on that).
I figured the comment was toward me. There were no other married people on that post.
I didn’t know what to do; I just decided to write a joke that she still had to watch my wedding video if nothing else to drool over how great I looked (I wrote it in an affectionate way).
I don’t know; I talked to someone about this who did not know our history but said that it probably wasn’t about me but that she sounds like she is in pain and probably projecting it onto others.
So I’ve accepted the fact that she is in pain and I do feel for her. All I want now is to put aside a jealous/competitive past and behavior, on both our parts. I just want to treat her with love.
So that’s the background. My question is: What do I do if she makes these comments when we see each other? I mean in ways that it feels like she’s trying to rain on my parade?
Thanks Bees and sorry for the length.