(Closed) What do I even do with this? SIL vent…

posted 8 years ago in Family
  • poll: What should I do about her?
    Say nothing and ignore it, just like she is. Eventually she will get over it. : (14 votes)
    48 %
    Tell her how I really feel about her behavior. (And possibly have a big dramatic family rift) : (11 votes)
    38 %
    Apologize so we can get on with it, even though I don't feel I've done anything wrong. : (1 votes)
    3 %
    Other. Please explain. : (3 votes)
    10 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    6015 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: March 2012

    Do NOT apologize this time that’s for sure.  I suppose this behavior has been working for her for years, I can’t imagine it’s going to change.  I’d have Fiance speak with her/yell at her, maybe speak to your in laws about the party and why your not going.  

    good luck

     

    Post # 4
    Member
    1135 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2009

    You have to say something.  Talk to your Fiance first, since it’s his family, but I really think you need to have a conversation with her.  Both of you should sit down with her and very calmly tell her how her behavior is affecting you.  She’s probably going to take it badly, but that’s not your fault.  Her behavior is patently absurd, and she shouldn’t be allowed to get away with it anymore.  I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this!

    Post # 5
    Member
    5118 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    For FFIL’s birthday, I think you and Fiance should take him (and Future Mother-In-Law if there is one, not sure from the post) to dinner to celebrate a different day. There is absolutely no reason that you need to go into that situation with the former manager, and Future Sister-In-Law should get that. Take the time to celebrate with Future Father-In-Law so that your Fiance has a great memory of it as well (and kudos to him, btw, for staying with you in support, what a good guy!) and you get to spend time with Future Father-In-Law celebrating in a comfortable place. 

    As for Future Sister-In-Law, I’d just leave her be. And the next time she comes around and throws a tantrum (which is really what she’s doing) I’d just tell her that you’re both adults and if she can’t be respectful and considerate than there’s no use discussing whatever issue is her flavor of the week. Constantly apologizing to her for things that she is doing is ridiculous and doesn’t really help your relationship, it just helps her. 

    Post # 6
    Member
    2867 posts
    Sugar bee

    There are no good options with this.

    Essentially, I’d talk to your fiance and see if she has some sort of mental/emotional issues?  She sounds like a bitch in my opinion.  But that’s not something you want to say to her, part of me wants you to put her in her place but that other part of me knows that won’t be good for the overall family.  My advice is to limit contact with her as much as possible and don’t argue with her, let her blow up and look like the idiot.

    I agree with the poster above me, take Future Father-In-Law out on a separate night to a nice restaurant so he knows you two are thinking of him.

    Post # 8
    Member
    654 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    Wait the six months.  That’s six months crazy free!  😀  Joking.  Anyway, it’s nice she changed the venue.  I think you should take it as her apology and let it go.  Some people (myself included) have a hard time getting down on one knee, but that doesn’t mean they don’t feel bad.  And if she didn’t mean it as an apology, caring about that can only make it worse.  Have fun at the party, though!

    Post # 9
    Member
    48 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    Not arguing with family does not equal letting people run over you.  When you get married you are officially part of her family, but it gives her absolutely no right to treat you this way. My gradma has told me something my whole life that I feel helped to make me a stronger woman, “Never apologize for something if you don’t feel that you are wrong.”  When you apologize just to smooth things over, you are opening the door for yourself to be used as a door mat.  You don’t have to argue, but don’t let yourself get treated horribly either. 

    It is very good that she changed the venue, at least you will be able to enjoy a part for your Future Father-In-Law that is meant for the whole family.

    Post # 10
    Member
    7385 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    She’s a drama queen and she’s only going to continue this childish behavior thru the years to come. Don’t bring it up. One piece of advice to tell to my friends is  when dealing with a toxic individual is to “stop reacting”. People do stupid things to get YOU to react to their foolishness and therefore in their minds “win”. She defriended you — good riddance. Don’t campagin to get on her good side.  As long as you respectingly give you POV on matters that directly affect you, leave her to her foolish tantrums.

    Post # 11
    Member
    1850 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: March 2012

    I think that since she changed the venue the best idea is to just get over it:/ Although I’m not all to happy to give you that as an answer. It really ticks me off that she continues to act like this towards you, but I have a suspicion that you talking to her about it would not do anything to benefit the situation. She doesn’t sound like the type to apologize or listen. I do think that under NO circumstances should you apologize in instances like this. She is completely in the wrong on this particular issue. And on things like the ice cream, you are a grown woman who can eat whatever the hell you please whenever you want to. And yes it’s not nice to eat ice cream in front of a little one (only because they shouldn’t be eating it in general, not because you should be sharing it!), but it’s not like you knew that they were coming over. I think that even if she re-adds you as a friend you should just take her off of yours. There’s no need to deal with her immature antics. Seriously de-friending you on facebook…how many times do you think she’ll pull that one trying to get a rise out of you? My guess…A LOT!

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