(Closed) What do I say?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
2634 posts
Sugar bee

This is just a personal choice.  We didn’t have a “B” list so I would say yes, but if you don’t want to – tell her no.

Post # 4
Member
5890 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2012

lol i’m sure when you tell her how much the per plate cost is she’ll sing a different tune.

Post # 5
Member
1868 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I can’t imagine how hard it is for a person who has had a life partner for all sorts of events – weddings, birthdays, parties, work events, to suddenly have to attend these things alone. I would make an exception and let her bring a date. Knowing people at the wedding isn’t the same as having a date. You originally had anticipated inviting her as part of a couple, so you had planned for 2 anyways. I think to make your friend comfortable, it would be worth it.

Post # 6
Member
1765 posts
Buzzing bee

Can you just tell her you are at max capacity @ your venue?

Post # 8
Member
4001 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I’d probably allow the guest.  Just to avoid the possible tension if you were to say no. 

Post # 8
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I bet it’s super awkward for her, having separated from her husband of less than a year. At least she asked politely.

Post # 9
Member
903 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I think it was nice of her to ask (I mean, how many brides complain about people announcing the guest they’re going to be bringing? I know I had a couple of those situations….). It seems like a resonable request. But in the end, it is your choice. It sounds like it would make her more comfortable.

Post # 10
Member
4123 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

i would almost think it’s more awkward to bring a date having just recently divorced…. 

are the 8 or 9 other “friends’ of her’s dateless as well? If so, just say no. If they have dates, I would probably say yes.

We have two friends who just filed for divorce as well, and so I know how hard a decision this is! I still don’t know what we’re doing as we have a “serious relationships only” kind of rule… 

Post # 11
Member
1927 posts
Buzzing bee

Eh…  I don’t think you should let him come.  I agree with Krises that it would be hard to go to events like weddings alone when you are used to having a partner, but I just really don’t care for the way she phrased her email.  You had a marriage that barely lasted, and right after it falls apart you’re dating someone new and claiming its “starting to get serious” after a month and a half.  In order to avoid upsetting her by saying you are limiting your list to married and engaged couples just say something like “Because of budget and space constraints we really had to cut back our guest list as it is, so we are only inviting couples where we know both parties.. I hope you’ll understand, and we look forward to meeting Tyler another time”.  She planned a wedding a year ago, so she should know better than to ask anyway.

Post # 13
Member
383 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I think it was incredibly bold of her to ask, honestly.  If she knew no one at the wedding, her asking would be different, but there’ll be plenty of her friends there.  Beyond money, there are other determining factors in the decision not to include plus-ones… like consistency, for one.  Are there other invitees who have recently started seeing someone?  If so, and they figure out that you’ve allowed her to bring her new bf but not them, they could be really insulted.  I don’t know.  My inclination would also be to say no, but because of the separation, I’m honestly not sure how I’d go about it.  I think she has put you in a very awkward position, I’m so sorry!

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