Post # 1
Our wedding is next month, a black tie/downtown Chicago/nighttime affair. Invitations stated "Black Tie". One married couple on the guest list are very good friends of ours, in fact the wife is one of my bridesmaids. She has already purchased her dress and is spending a lot to fly out for our wedding. Today I got an email from her, saying this:
"Question about black tie- what about attire for guys? Mike does not own a tux or suit…"
What is the proper way to respond to this???
Post # 3
You can simply respond something like this:
Mike doesn’t need to own a tux or suit. Several of our guests are renting tuxes for the event at: (and then list your tux vendor)
It might be worth a call to your grooms formal wear vendor (or get one if you don’t have one) and maybe negotiate a tux rental rate, get an event code, and find places that your friends and family can get measured in their home town and pickup at the destination.
Post # 4
Refer him to a tux shop. Maybe help them find a deal or coupon.
Post # 5
I dunno about the etiquette.
I guess I would respond with some links to places to rent a tux (or suit) – if that’s what’s required. And maybe suggest it happily, like "you could try looking here, or here, or here and this place Blah blah blah came recommended!" Or maybe you could call a local tux rental place and see if they’d offer a discount if you give your guests without attire their name.
Post # 6
Being that this is your bridesmaid who is already spending a lot of $$ for your wedding and, there is a chance $$ is tight if he doesn’t own a suit (or he works in a field where a suit is never needed) what I would respond with is – "Don’t worry about it! I am so glad you are both coming and I can’t wait to see you!! Please have hubby go to a tux rental shop in your town and get measured and please email me his measurements. It is a pain hauling a suit/tux across the country anyways, so we’ll just have one waiting in your room when you both arrive. See you soon. xoxo, sn"
*A tux rental is $100, and you probably are getting a discount because you are renting so many, so just rent one more for him and if it were me, I’d pay for it. They are close friends who are already going out of their way, it would be a nice gift.
Post # 7
I couldn’t agree more with enmoore66 above! The wording is perfect and makes it seem not like you’re doing them a charitable favor but just that it’s no big deal for you to get it for him.
Post # 8
I agree with enmoore66! That’s a perfect idea.
Post # 10
I also wouldn’t be surprised if I were you to see at least a few people there under dressed. Not many people own tuxes. Granted, most adult men should own a suit, but unfortunately thats not the case sometimes. We wrote formal on ours, and one person showed up in a polo t shirt and khakis. to a ballroom. to a 7 pm reception. but hey, it doesn’t make you look bad, it makes them look bad ; ) I worried about a lot of our guests coming under dressed, but I didn’t notice anyone else but him, so I guess thats good!
Post # 11
Yes I agree with enmoore! I went to a Black Tie ENGAGEMENT PARTY, 4 hours away, and my Fiance didn’t have a tux. I called my friend and asked if a dark suit was ok and she said no! So we travelled for the wedding AND he had to rent a $200 tux. Crazy.
If you can do this for your friend who is already doing so much for you, that would be fabulous!
Post # 12
Well, given that black tie does mean a tux, I’m guessing that more than a few of your guests will be underdressed. As the host, the appropriate thing for you to say is "How nice to see you! We’re so glad you could come." If you’re really concerned about your guests being inappropriately dressed, maybe adjust your chosen dress code a little.
My Darling Husband doesn’t own a tux – like most people. He has two nice suits, which he is happy for the chance to wear. But I doubt that he would rent a tux unless he was in the wedding party. If we felt it was absolutely expected, we would just stay home.
Post # 13
I agree with Enmoore as well. My Darling Husband rents a tux a lot (so much so that we’re about to buy him one finally) and it’s never more than $125 for a normal black tux.
Post # 14
He also might own black pants, a black blazer, a white shirt, and a tie, but not think of them as a "suit." If you want to go the low-impact route, suggest he wear that.
Post # 15
Since the standards for "Black Tie" are very high, it’s guaranteed that some people won’t know what it means, won’t care, and/or won’t heed the request. They’ll be tacky and life will go on.
But this friend does care and is asking, so the right answer is probably to recommend a tux rental place. If the question was "is he allowed in the door if he’s not dressed black tie" I assume your answer would be "of course". But this is the attire you chose for the party and a tux is the right clothing for him to wear.
Post # 16
Thanks everyone! We called the guest tonight and asked him to be an usher (we had been considering this for a few days anyway, unrelated to the tux issue). We told him we would rent the tux for him since as an usher he’s doing us a favor. He accepted so we’re all set!