(Closed) What do I say to this TACKY question?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
2183 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011 - Florida Aquarium

If a coworker had asked Darling Husband, he probably would have said, “No idea… ask the wife-to-be. Thanks for the thought, man.” And it would have died there. I’m guessing this was a guy asking, and they are clueless. He was asking an honest question (to honest). I wouldn’t be angry, though. He wants to give a gift!

Post # 4
Member
688 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I would have pointed both fingers at him, like a Fonzy “ehhh” sort of thing, and said “I’m not teeellllinnggg” in a sing song voice and then laugh and walk away.  He stuck his foot in his mouth, but it’s no reason to get too puffed up about.  If he keeps asking or is being persistant on knowing this, I would just tell him

“You asking me this all the time makes me feel uncomfortable.  I don’t appreciate it.”  But I would only drop that line if he is truly getting out of hand.

Post # 5
Member
5428 posts
Bee Keeper

I think all he wants to do is give a gift in the same amount that you are paying for his plate dinner… I don’t see what’s wrong with that. What Fiance said $500 was funny, can you imagine if he gave a $500 gift?

Post # 6
Member
5093 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2012

I think “$500!  Hahahahahaha,” was the perfect way to handle it.  If he keeps asking, your Fiance should just tell him he’s not comfortable talking about the cost of the wedding.

Post # 7
Member
3618 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I think his question was with good intentions. He probably doesn’t know how much to give and didn’t want to offend anyone by not gifting “enough”.

Post # 8
Member
9916 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

I would say…”Wow, great!  We’re paying $1000 a person.  Thanks!”

No really, I would have said, “Um, that’s very generous, but please don’t feel obligated to give us anything.”

Post # 9
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I would just tell Fiance to say “oh I dont know my fiancee is handling all that”.  I do think its rude to come out and say that the gift is based on how much was spent on the food. Thats a bit shallow. The gift should be based on how close  you are with the person and what you feel motivated to give.

Post # 10
Member
2009 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I would say “We are paying $789.28 per person! Thank you for being so generous!”

 

Post # 11
Member
1736 posts
Bumble bee

A gift is a gift…not the cost of admission to your wedding. It was tacky of him to ask, but I have to assume that he doesn’t know better. Prior to joining the Bee, there were plenty points of etiquette that I didn’t even know existed! 🙂

I agree with @peachacid: “that’s very generous, but please don’t feel obligated to give us anything.”is perfect.

Post # 12
Member
2104 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@GreenEyedMoon:  Ditto.  I think this is the best way to handle it without being too awkward

Post # 13
Member
3471 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA

I would have said “We haven’t made the final decisions yet, so we don’t know the “per plate” amount. “

It is incredibly rude to base your gift on how “fancy” the wedding is, and it is even more rude to blatantly ask a couple how much they are spending.  It is none of the guests business what the event cost, and unless they are a close friend or family, they should NEVER inquire.  

Post # 14
Member
963 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Around here, it’s normal to give a gift that covers the cost of your plate.  I learned that fairly recently, and am embarrassed about gifts I gave before I knew that.  So I don’t give too much blame to the asker.  We generally just try to guess when we give gifts.  I’ve even asked someone else who lives in the same geographic region as the wedding so I can get a general idea of how much to give.  Of course I didn’t ask the bride or groom of the actual wedding, so perhaps that is the difference.

Post # 16
Member
5073 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

We’ve both had people ask us that question.  Doesn’t bother me at all.  We just tell them.

They have good intentions.

 

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