Post # 1
So I finished grad school in May in LA and moved to Chicago soon after. I am pretty close to most of the people in my old lab, and so most of them are invited to the wedding. There is pretty much just one person who I did not invite – during school, we just never got that close. I never hung out with her outside of school, and she wasn’t part of the group of us that hung out quite a bit. Ironically, she was the only person who said "don’t forget to invite me!" before I moved.
Thanks to one of the people I did invite, she knows that Save-The-Date Cards went out a while ago. We haven’t talked since I left LA (in June), but I’ll be in LA to visit (and dropping by during a lab meeting) so I’ll see her next week.
I’m sure people will ask me how planning is going, etc. etc. What do I say? How can I make it less awkard?!
Post # 3
I read somewhere that you should say "Well, we haven’t really finalized the guest list yet." But since she found out about the Save-The-Date Cards that’s a tough one. I’m having the same issue. Everywhere I go and run into somone they say "We’re invited right?" I see you MAYBE once a yr.. but yea you’re invited. I don’t know how some people would put you in a position like that. I started a new job last year and I swear to you when my new co-worker found out we were getting married he asked if he was invited. WTH?! It was my second day working with him! I just smiled and said "Although we would like to have everybody there with us we’re planning on having a small wedding." And left it at that. I did not have the heart to say "probably not b/c there’s a long list of ppl I’d invite before you." ha ha… Basically I did not help you at all MTYF. Is the wedding in Chicago? Do you think she’d fly there? If you guys were never that close I don’t think you have to invite her. Isn’t it wierd how a wedding should be a happy moment for us but it turns into trying not to hurt eachother’s feelings?
Post # 4
Are you sure she was being sincere? I mean are you sure she really meant it the way you’re taking it? If you never got close, never talked persoanlly – it’s hard to think she’s really think she’s be invited to your wedding. Though some people can be "like that".
Maybe tell the people who are invited not to mention it while in a big group…that might help keep the risk down. And changes are if she’s not invited and knows it – she won’t want to point that out to a group of people who are.
Post # 5
Yeah, she was being sincere (I was kind of incredulous at the time, for all these reasons! Some of my very good friends were more considerate and clued in – they would say something ilke, "I’d better be invited! Just kidding – only if you have room!"). Sweeney, you make a good point – maybe she herself won’t want to bring it up in front of others…
No, the wedding is in Canada, and it’s unlikely she would fly up there anyway. But i don’t want to invite her for the sake of inviting her… She could very well have been on our "B list" (you know, the second round of invites that go out after you’ve received enough Declines) but we did away with that. I may pull out the "the guest list is still in flux – it’s been such a pain, my parents want to invite everyone and their dog, and we don’t have the room!’ " thing though (that is, every excuse in the book 🙂 ). Maybe she’ll feel for me.
Sigh, yeah, NorcalBride, it’s silly isn’t it? These things can get so delicate!
Post # 6
That tired old excuse about working on the guest list is actually great, and generally true. I am using it a lot. I also have been asked by the strangest people whether they are invited. I have had a couple of folks who I never intended to invite actually try to get us to consider rescheduling as they won’t be around. Good grief!! You happen to have the season ticket seat next to ours at hockey!! We don’t even know your last names!!
For people at work, I got sort of tired of trying to make excuses and so am just sort of telling the truth. Which is that while we would "love to invite everybody" we just can’t, and so we are only inviting work friends whom we also spend time with socially outside of work. Pretty easy to tell who you are, yes? And it gets rid of the judgemental term "close friend" for those who think that gossiping at the water cooler actually does make them your close friend.
Post # 7
I guess I’m kind of a b****, but I tell people straight out if they’re invited or not (only if they ask, of course… I’m not going to vlunteer that info). If a guest/non-guest has the balls to ask, then I might as well be honest instead of stringing them along with the "still working on the guest list" excuse. This only applies to those who I know for SURE I’m not inviting.
Post # 8
My mom was shocked when I told her I had some people basically demand invites. It such an uncomfortable and awkward situation!