Post # 17
Maybe it’s because of my age but I don’t see a problem with anyone without kids. I’m 22 and my son will be 2 in June plus I’m due with my second one in September but I have plenty of friends without kids. I don’t hang out with anyone anymore but that’s not because they do or don’t have kids. I’m just more of a family oriented person so I just spend time with my husband and child. Every time I have people over though I invite anyone who is my friend. The only people I would have a problem with would be someone who really doesn’t like kids because there are always a lot of children at our gatherings.
Post # 18
@funnybunny: I have been in your position for a while now. At first, it wasn’t too bad b/c I knew couples our age w/o kids but were TTC. Now that I am older, the only ones we know around here w/o kids are all teens/early 20s.
@stardustintheeyes: Your post was good. Whenever I get blown off by moms, I just assume it is the “mommy brain” thing some friends have told me about and maybe they are just too busy/overwhelmed. I obviously go to the adult-only activities but being around kids gives me hope for my own IF struggle.
I used to talk to people about my IF struggle b/c I met many women in my position and it was theraputic. But I guess once they got pregnant it was hard for them to be around me. DH tells me you can literally see peoples’ faces change when I talk about it.
A good friend had stopped talking to me and when I confronted her as to why, she said being a mom to her 4 kids was the best thing in her life and she felt bad I couldn’t experience it. I know, my story is pretty pathetic but I DO still have HOPE and honestly believe I will be a mom one day and get to talk about poopy diapers!
Post # 19
I really enjoy hanging out with my non-children friends!! Granted I’m only 2 weeks into parenting, but I already relish the opportunity to talk about something besides my baby.
I’m sorry you’re having a rough time in your new area. Can you offer to babysit to these Moms to show your willingness to be around children? Or maybe get to know the Moms individually?
Post # 20
@JessyMess: I offered to babysit so the couples could go out for “date” night but since most of them breastfeed they don’t go anywhere w/o their kids. And they’ve been here for over a year! They won’t even go out for a “girls” night b/c of it. IDK, maybe it’s b/c most have kids under 2.
DH’s coworker gave me his wife’s number so I could hang out with her. Her kids are older and she is bored and wanting a female friend to talk to while her kids are in school. So that’s a start!
Post # 21
I am sorta new to mommyhood and I have observed my non-mom friends seem to be annoyed by all things babies. I always come away feeling kinda weird when they are around my child and he isn’t perfect. I am not one to throw my kids in people’s faces and I don’t want to invite people to events that may be boring for others. (most people don’t like going to birthday parties for kids when they don’t have one of their own).
Maybe your mom friends feel the same way? I would have a conversation with them. It would make them feel more comfortable. I wish you all the luck
Post # 22
I personally love my nonmom friends – they give me something else to talk about! But it does create a rift for sure. . . it’s hard to keep up with the same lifestyle as before.
Best of luck to you!
Post # 23
It certainally goes both way… SO and I don’t have kids and many of our friends do now. Both my SO and I don’t mind spending time with babies and kids but only for a short period of time and then we have had enough. There are lots of times we have turned down invitations to events where kids will be because we just can’t handle the noise volume nor the constant baby talk (it is boring for us). We do not invite friends over with their kids unless they are under walking age because we have no toys for them and just plan don’t want them distroying our house. We do have trouble finding people to spend time with now because well “they have kids” so can’t just go see a movie, or go for coffee or anything and they don’t want to spend time with us because we have nothing in common with them. Sigh
Post # 24
It sucks when breeding makes grown adults unable to discuss anything other than poop, vomit, breastfeeding/ bottlefeeding and child development.
I have some people who I considered very close friends who have had children, and now cannot pause for breath to ask how my life has been going, as they are too busy talking about their little ones. I have always been a very caring friend, but the lack of reciprocation has turned me off.
Post # 25
WOW. I am so sorry you are being treated this way, especially since many of your friends know of your struggle to have children. It is mean & I am sorry for that. I would imagine having a friend without kids would be refreshing sometimes…so the topic isn’t always about kids!!
Post # 26
i have the opposite problem. all of my friends arent married and don’t have kids. so no one wants to hang out with me cause they know i’ll have to bring my LO or i “probably won’t be able to hang out” since i have a baby…. it’s so dumb. they’re great friends, right? nope.
if people dont want to hang around you cause you don’t have children, they probably arent your real friends!! sad but true. and it’s hard to be friends with someone that is in a totally different stage in their life than you are. that’s why i TRY to make friends with people that have kids cause they understand your life. i know this sounds stupid and obvious but it’s good to have friends that have similar lifestyles as yourself. it just makes it easier for you both to understand each other.
Post # 27
I’m in my early twenties and most people my age don’t have children… but I also don’t hang out with them, I hang out with older people who usually do have children. Not because I don’t like people that don’t have children or think they hate children, but I’ve found that TYPICALLY they do not understand what it’s like to be a parent. That’s okay until they get mad because I haven’t answered my phone all day because I’ve been keeping up with a toddler or taking him to the doctor or something. I think someone in your situation would understand a little better. Your friends probably don’t realize that, though. Also, like you said, they want to talk about their kids, have someone for their kids to play with(it’s hard to enjoy someone’s company when you’re having to take care of a child – that is bored to death because there are only adults around), and they probably honestly feel awkward around you. I don’t mean that to be mean – just honest. I’d try talking to them and hopefully they will understand it hurts your feelings and that you want to be around them – children and all.