(Closed) What do we deserve in relationships?

posted 9 years ago in Relationships
Post # 47
Member
3089 posts
Sugar bee

@This Time Round:  I swear I love all your posts and I always find myself relating so well to you here.  It’a an AMAZING feeling when you have not been treated well and then there is this person who has showed you how it really should be.  It also helped in the process for me when I also realized after my ex husband, what I will or wont ever put up with again.  I echo your sentiments.  My beloved told me the other day, ‘Do you know that I would die for you?  I wont even think twice.’ 

I knew he was the one when I was totally at peace: when there was absolutely no drama.  I never had to wonder, question, second guess myself…Who I am is enough for him and vice versa.  Communication is easy.  Laughter is easy.  Respect is not an option.  No belittling, just beautiful acceptance. 
 

Post # 48
Member
9950 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

@Butterfly6:  said,

I knew he was the one when I was totally at peace: when there was absolutely no drama. I never had to wonder, question, second guess myself…Who I am is enough for him and vice versa. Communication is easy. Laughter is easy. Respect is not an option. No belittling, just beautiful acceptance.

Your words are equally comforting… and echo the feelings I have about my own relationship with Mr TTR (NO DAMN DRAMA)

Lol, I’ve had enough of that to last more than one lifetime, thank you very much.

 

Post # 49
Member
34 posts
Newbee

@ddw:  I believe to me respect, honesty and safety are most important

Post # 50
Member
23 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@Sheepshead:  I totally agree with you that financial stabilty is a big issue in a relationship amongst the other top answers (of course, we all want to be loved and respected too). A relationship should have love, trust, respect, etc. too! However, it will be very, very tough if does not have any financial stability. So I agree with you. This is an important one for relationships as well.

Post # 51
Member
337 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

to add to what everyone else said,emotional,physical and sexual attraction,without feeling any of those from your other half is heart breaking and can feel lonely.

after being with my Fiance for 20 years we have,like every couple who are together for a very long time will go through periods of something,like not feeling very much into sex(i did after having my kids,for months at a time)and at the time i didnt relize how neglected i made him feel,im sure he felt i was not attracted to him at the time.that wasnt it at all,my body just wasnt in the mood,taking care of a newborn can burn you out,anyway in turn over a year ago he emotionally distance himself from me after having surgery,he felt depressed and felt he was unable to do much and thought about if he didnt heal the way he is suppose to that he would be no good for anything anymore including sex.well we worked through it,he healed fine and everything is ok.

but we learned that we need to watch how we care for the other,we need to speak up if we feel the other is becoming distant or if the emotional connection is slipping or the sex is getting put on the back burner,because these thing can really hurt a relationship  if they are ignored. 

also resentment,most couple who been together for years get a little resentful about something or a few things,and this can really destroy your relationship,you owe it to yourself and your FI/husband and he owes it to you to work through it,its needs to be talked about,you holds it in,resentment will build,it is what almost caused my Fiance and i to split up a little over a year ago.we both know now not to keep it in,to ourself and not to sweep it under the rug just to keep the peace because it is a relationship killer

Post # 52
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

The utmost respect for one another to never intentionally do anything hurtful to one another.  If you treat each other this way, there is no need to ever be distrustful.

The commitment that the two of you will do whatever it takes to work through the good and the bad. 

Being able to communicate any concerns or things that are bothersome.  The ability to be tactful when saying something that may be critical or when selecting things to argue about.

Understanding that each of you are different and accepting each other for your strengths and weaknesses.  Helping to support each others weaknesses and celebrate your strengths.

The key to all of the above is that you must have the passion for one another (and keep it alive) to carry through the above, every moment of every day.  I’d describe passion as the feeling that there is nobody else in the world that you’d rather be with, that you are a better person because of them and want nothing more than to please them in every way.  The best part, pleasing them pleases you!  It’s a win-win 🙂

Post # 53
Member
916 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@ddw:  I’ve been told by many of my elders that respect is key.

Post # 56
Member
481 posts
Helper bee

I definitely think that the things being talked about in the thread are really important for a relationship (trust, love, respect, support, etc.), but using the word “deserve” really bothers me. 

I was in a relationship with a guy, once, who was SOOOO into what he “deserved” from me. And the thing is, you can use all those words (trust, love, respect, support) however you want. I would disagree with him and he would say “I DESERVE YOUR SUPPORT”. I would tell him that something he said or did bothered me and he would say “I DESERVE YOUR RESPECT”.

One of my FH’s friends has a wife that treats him the same way. It’s all about what she “deserves”. 

Boooooo. There’s probably a better way to talk about it… like saying… “what do you want in a relationship” not, “what do you deserve”. If you date a guy who doesn’t respect you, is it that YOU DESERVE HIS RESPECT, or is it that you totally need to be dating a different guy. 

Just my 2c. :}

Post # 57
Member
135 posts
Blushing bee

The things I need and get from my SO is being able to be myself completely, having fun together doing normal things like cooking, camping, being active, or just lounging around together. Trust, obviously. He never makes me feel stupid or belittles me, ever. And I always feel safe. I think that it is important to feel completely safe around your SO completely.

Post # 58
Member
52 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

All of the stuff posted is absolutely necessary to make a relationship work, I looove the fact that my SO makes me laugh, he is so goofy sometimes, but I love that we can be ourselves and do things that we’d never do in front of anyone else.  It’s just feeling comfortable I guess

Post # 59
Member
190 posts
Blushing bee

This is interesting……for me the most important thing in a relationship for me is honesty,fiedelty, trust, respect and a bit of kindness.

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