(Closed) What do we pay for? re out of town guests

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Is it rude to ask out-of-towners to join us for meals then have them pay their own way?
    The bride's parents should pay for all three meals. : (1 votes)
    4 %
    The bride's parents should pay for pizza lunch only. : (2 votes)
    7 %
    Everyone can pay their own way - it's not cheap or rude. : (18 votes)
    67 %
    Don't invite people to join the family at a specific place or make reservations. : (6 votes)
    22 %
  • Post # 3
    10363 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2010

    I don’t think people will expect you to pay for en entire wedding, PLUS 3 additional meals for everyone. That’s going to be insanely expensive. I would almost feel uncomfortable about that as your guest – too much money!

    Post # 4
    5889 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: May 2012

    i don’t think it is cheap, but i would definitely make it known to the guests ahead of time that it is no host.  if not explicity stated, this could be confusing to guests.

    Post # 5
    3176 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    I don’t think its cheap, but be careful how you phrase the invite. Try to make it more like, “We are going here at this time, you can join if you want. Let me know and I’d be happy to take care of reservations.” So it sounds more like you will make the reservations but your not paying.

    Post # 6
    2057 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    I agree with the other posters – its definitely not cheap and I don’t think your guests will expect it – – choose your wording carefully Laughing

    Similar to you, about 95% of our guests are from out of town. The majority of them are arriving Friday – Monday for our Sunday wedding as well. My FIL’s are hosting an Out Of Town Welcome Reception Saturday night. Its passed apps and deserts with an open bar.  Thats it…


    Post # 7
    7152 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2010

    I agree with PP. It’s not cheap at all, but make sure that your intentions are very clear.

    Post # 8
    2344 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    I don’t think that it is required to feed your guests outside of whatever food you are providing at your reception. Having said that, a lot of people feel obligated to feed out of town guests at either the rehearsal dinner or a morning-after brunch to show their appreciation for them coming out of town. We didn’t do this, but a lot of people like to and its very nice. In your case, if it is in your budget, I would have either the Saturday pizza lunch or the Monday morning breakfast be a hosted event, and make that clear by including something on the invite or schedule, however you are giving the information, that says something like, “Mr. & Mrs. Your Parents would love to have you at a welcome lunch/post-wedding brunch…” Then I would make the other two meals word-of-mouth, and make sure everyone knows that it is not a hosted event, just an extra opportunity for everyone to get together.

    Post # 9
    961 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    It’s certainly not cheap… but hosting one of the events might be a kind gesture and at least letting guests know which events aren’t hosted would be appropriate.  You can always do something casual, if you choose.  90% of our guests are Out of Town and we are having a casual, inexpensive wedding – to begin with – but wanted to welcome guests to extra visiting time, without adding a ton of expense to it.  What we decided to do was host a campfire night, the night before the wedding, at my parents’ home with typical s’mores and beverages…  games and what-not..  to make a communal space to gather, without putting my folks’ out with the cost.  We will also be inviting guests to stop by our cabin, the afternoon after our wedding, to go for a swim, play horse shoes, and such… we will have beverages and maybe hot dogs and burgers – but it’s very low key – just, again, creating space for OOTers to gather and enjoy each other’s company in one place.

    Post # 10
    3997 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    I don’t think you/your family should pay for all the meals.  If its an open ended invitation, just saying we’d love for you to join us, then they should assume it’ll be on their dime.  I’d assume as much.  I think it’ll be a great way to catch up with people in an informal way, without anyone breaking the bank.

    Post # 11
    83 posts
    Worker bee

    We are renting a room at the hotel that our guests are staying at (just a little party room) and providing things like hoagies, chips, and pop for people to eat if the get in late Friday and don’t want to go out. Plus, it will give them a place to hang out and socialize together outside of their hotel rooms. I guess it depends on your budget, but I’ve enjoyed weddings that have done something like this and so we planned early on to incorporate it into ours. It won’t be a crazy fancy dinner to keep costs down and we aren’t hosting anything Sunday. It certainly isn’t required though, and I think making reservations somewhere and indicating clearly that they would be paying is fine. I would just make it an affordable place so people don’t feel obligated to spend too much to spend time with you guys.

    Post # 12
    191 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    If I were you I would casually invite them. “Hey we are going to have brunh on Sunday at xyz if you want to come, id love to see you before you left”  as long as you dont make it sound like your parents are hosting an event.

    Post # 13
    47189 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I have never expected either the bride or groom’s family to pay for any meals other than the wedding reception if I was not in the bridal party.

    I concur that you can tell them where you have decided to eat but nmake it clear that it is not a hosted event.

    ” A group of us  have decided to eat lunch at____________________.Here is contact information for the restaurant if you decide to join us.”

    ABC Restaurant

    111 Main St

    555-666-5555 or abc @food.com for reservations

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